Saturday, February 11, 2023

Historical convergence

 It occurred to me the other day that Superb Owl Sunday falls on February 12, which is also Abraham Lincoln's 214th birthday, which gets me to thinking about historical convergences and what position Abe would have played if he'd ever played in the Superb Owl.

(Don't laugh. One year on Media Day, when the actual Media is overrun with Nickelodeon foofs, Downtown Julie Brown and sock puppets asking questions of the Superb Owl participants, someone asked Chicago Bears tight end Desmond Clark what position Chewbacca would have played. I'm serious. I was sitting right there when the guy asked it.)

Anyway, I'm thinking Abe, with his height and renowned wrestling prowess, would have been a great edge rusher. He also had huge hands, so, I don't know, maybe he could have been a nifty possession wideout. This of course is the purest conjecture, as history doesn't reveal if Abe could catch a cold with his huge hands, or had the speed to create separation.

So I guess we'll never know if Abe was actually Julian Edelman 1.0. 

We'll also never know who Abe would have rooted for as he settled in with a plate of wings, a bowl of pork rinds and a sixer of Old Style (he was from Illinois, after all). Although the fact both quarterbacks are black for the first time ever might have prompted him to contemplate (speaking of historical convergences) the symmetry of this particular Supe being played on his birthday.

My first thought is he'd have been rooting for the Chiefs, as a Midwestern guy. He also had a thing for unconventional generals; he once dismissed rumors of Grant's drinking by saying "I can't spare this man. He fights." Which makes me think he would have loved Patrick Mahomes finding new and inventive ways to get the football downfield.

I can't spare this man. He completes passes sidearm while he's horizontal.

That sort of thing.

On the other hand ...

 On the other hand, Jalen Hurts might be even more unconventional than Mahomes, considering the Eagles actually have designed run packages for him. Plus the Eagles are, well, the Eagles, the national symbol of Lincoln's Union. Plus, Missouri was a border state and Pennsylvania was solidly Union.

Also, John Reynolds was a Pennsylvania man ... and he was killed on Day 1 at Gettysburg by a Confederate sniper (maybe from Missouri!) ... and Gettysburg is in Pennsylvania ... and so is Philadelphia. And Philadelphia is where they signed the Declaration of Independence and the Liberty Bell got its crack and, speaking of cracked, where everyone is an Eagles fan.

Hmmm.

On second thought, Abe would likely be rooting for the Eagles. With a big ol' cheesesteak from Pat's or Geno's and his feet up on his desk in the Oval, at least until Mary showed up and told him to get his feet off the desk, what kind of prairie hick are you, anyway.

Ah, yes. You can just see it, can't you?

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