Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Pro Bowl time!

 ... in which the Greatest Spectacle In Groin-Pull Avoidance has been replaced by Beach Blanket Bingo.

Or in other words: Skills competitions, some flag football, and, I don't know, maybe a hotdog-eating contest or two.

It's all a lavish experiment to keep alive an event that should have died years ago, because no one cares and no one watches except for those sad cases who still wear their Doug Plank jerseys and preface everything by saying "You know, the 1985 Bears ...".  Even the Pro Bowlers themselves are unenthused, which explains why so many marquee names won't be there but Tyler Huntley will be.

Tyler Huntley! Because a guy who threw two touchdown passes all season filling in for the injured Lamar Jackson deserves his week in the sun, too.

Seriously, no one since the Eagles' Mike Boryla (who?) in 1975 has thrown fewer touchdown passes and made the Pro Bowl. Huntley ranked 48th among NFL quarterbacks in that category, which is quite a feat when you consider there are only 32 teams in the NFL. This means Huntley finished behind not only all the starters but 15 other backups and backup-backups.

But he's in, because Josh Allen has an owie and bowed out. Ditto Patrick Mahomes (Super Bowl), Tua Tagovailoa (concussion), Justin Herbert (shoulder), Jackson (knee) and Joe Burrow, who might just not be into it after that heartbreaking loss in the AFC title game.

So, yeah, Tyler Huntley. Which at the very least gives ammunition to every father who ever stoke the dreams of his athletically-challenged son.

Dad: Son, if you keep practicing, someday you, too, could make the Pro Bowl!

Son: But, Dad, I'm 5-2, I can't throw a football 12 feet and I have the athletic ability of a lawn chair. 

Dad: That doesn't matter, son! If TYLER HUNTLEY can do it ...

Of course, by the time Dad's son is old enough, the Pro Bowl probably will be down to a hotdog-eating contest.

That, and Competitive Sunbathing, Pin The Lei On Bill Belichick  and Best Hair -- which will be won every year by Trevor "Ronnie 'Sunshine' Bass" Lawrence, because, hey, he's Ronnie "Sunshine" Bass.

Works for me.

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