Sunday, May 31, 2026

Pots calling out kettles

 Drove down to the old neighborhood the other day, just to remind myself how many years have flown past. And how the world keeps turning no matter how much we wish it would stop in its tracks, or -- better yet -- reverse course.

What I discovered was the world is never going to do either. And that's OK, because it's how the cosmos operates and always has.

And so I almost drove past the street I grew up on -- Castle Drive -- because the trees have grown large and encompassing around the entrance, as trees will do after 60 or so years. The house I grew up in looks pretty much the same, except, again, the saplings of my childhood are mighty pillars now.  Which makes the yard look like a postage stamp compared to the yard I remember. 

And the neighborhood?

Different, too. When we moved there early in the 1960s, it was almost exclusively white, de facto racial and economic segregation being what they were then. Now an eyeball count suggests it is largely black, Hispanic, Asian and Middle Eastern -- the sort of American palette a certain species of American fears and loathes these days.

And yet ... 

And yet, the kids who live there now still ride their bikes up Castle and across the little cut-through to Stinson (named Sitko Drive for Emil "Red" Sitko, a 1940s Notre Dame football star who lived in the neighborhood). They cruise the same streets, and follow the same paths, we cruised six decades ago on our Schwinns and Huffys.

In other words: The world changes.  But perhaps only cosmetically.

I wish more people would understand that. I wish they wouldn't be so easily led by the demagogues and fear-mongering politicians who love to manipulate them.

Which brings us to our esteemed Lieutenant Governor, Micah Beckwith, who has raised fear-mongering demagoguery to high art.

As Loot Guv and a minister of the fire-and-brimstone sort, he has both a bully pulpit and a literal pulpit, and he's used each to advance a theology a lot of Christian folk find alien. But we're just plain old Methodists or Episcopalians or Presbyterians, and perhaps are not as privy to the Lord's revealed wisdom as the Loot Guv.

Whose latest pronouncement -- that he hates Islam because it's a "demonic death cult" -- has not only united Muslims, Jews and Christians in public condemnation, but summoned echoes of another demagogue in a collar: Father Charles Coughlin, the Detroit radio priest from the 1930s. Increasingly virulent the longer he had a microphone and an audience, by the end of his 15 minutes of fame he was all but Sieg Heil-ing the madman of Germany, Adolph Hitler. That's how unhinged Father Chuck had become.

Now, it might be a reach at this point to say Micah Beckwith is traveling the same trajectory. But, like his 1930s doppelganger, he does seem to get more irrational every time he opens his mouth. In so doing, of course, he misses the obvious irony: That he's every bit the religious extremist he accuses the followers of Islam of being.

Muslim extremists call America is the Great Satan; Beckwith, in so many words, returns the disfavor. Two sides of the same fanatical coin.

In any event, Beckwith seems to stand not far from the crowd that wants to throw all the Muslims out of the country, on account of we're a Christian nation and the Muslims (so they say) want to take over America and institute Sharia Law in Mayberry and Mount Pilot and every other wholesome All-American town. So they'd best either convert to Christianity, or get to packing.

All of this is of course preposterous, at least to any rational person. No Mayberry in the U.S., even those with large Muslim communities, operates under Sharia Law or anything remotely like it. Nor is it ever likely to.

But never the twain shall meet between hysteria and reality, and so go Beckwith and his fellow travelers out there on the fringes of American thought.  So, too, goes the supreme irony of the pot calling the kettle black, because it's not the kettle that wants either to convert every pot, or effectively outlaw them in violation of one of America's most cherished founding principles. It's the pot.

Hmm. What was that about "Sharia Law" again?

Which brings me back to the old neighborhood.

To be sure, we've taken the long way around the barn to get there, and maybe I've gone on long enough in the interim. But stay with me, because there's one more thing I want you to see.

No, it's not the faint outline of the old cinder track behind the now-boarded-up Village Woods Junior High, grassed over now but still carrying a faint whiff of oxygen debt. And it's not the overgrown field where we used to play baseball, with someone's sweatshirt serving as first base, someone's mitt serving as second and (invariably) someone's brand-new jacket serving as third.

It's this building over here, a few yards away.

When I was growing up, it was the Southeast YMCA. Now, though, it's a mosque; Masjid Akhoon, to be precise. It serves the Muslim community on the southeast side of town just as St. Henry's over on Hessen Cassel serves the Catholic community, or Bethlehem up on Anthony serves the Lutherans. All of them worshipping as they see fit.

Because that's America, you see. And no matter what Micah Beckwith and his ilk say, that's exactly what America should always be.

Throwbacks

 Well, then: It's the San Antonio Spurs and the New York Knicks in the NBA Finals.

Just like 27 years ago.

Just like the last time the Knicks played in the Finals, and the Spurs won their first NBA title.

Now it's a different Knicks team, this one led by a watch-fob veteran guard (6-1 Jalen Brunson) and not a 7-foot veteran center (Patrick Ewing). And it's a different Spurs team, only ...

Only in some ways it's not.

Back in 1999, see, the Spurs were led by a 23-year-old center who'd been the No. 1 pick in the draft just two years before. This time, they're led by a 22-year-old center who was the  No. 1 in the draft three years ago.

The first guy was Tim Duncan, a platinum-card Hall of Famer everyone called the Big Fundamental. The guy this time is Victor Wembanyama -- who's on a Hall of Fame trajectory, and whom some folks call The Alien on account of he's 7-4 but runs the floor like a man a foot shorter, and plays anywhere the Spurs need him to play.

On the perimeter, he has a silky stroke that regularly bottoms threes. Down in the low post, he blocks shots and rebounds the way you'd expect a 7-4 guy with a 7-9 wingspan to. Out on the floor, he takes it to the rim like a guard, and even dishes like one occasionally.

And he's got the Spurs in the Finals just two seasons after they went 22-60.

Just like Tim Duncan, who took the Spurs to the Finals two seasons after they went 20-62.

I don't know about you, but I sense some harmonic convergence here. A little throwback soft-shoe, if you will. One of those occasions when time's river turns back on itself.

"But Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "What about the Knickerbockers? Don't they have some deja vu going on, too? And haven't they blown through the playoffs in historic fashion, winning 11 straight games by an average margin of 23.8 points?"

Well, yes. Sure. They also beat the Spurs two out of three times during the regular season -- the first in the finals of the NBA Cup, and the second on March 1, when they won by 25 points and smothered the Spurs defensively, forcing 21 turnovers and limiting them to just 41 percent shooting.

On the other hand ...

On the other hand, that was one of only two regular season losses Wemby and Co. suffered after the first of February. And on the further other hand, even though they lost the season series to defending NBA champion Oklahoma City, they blew out the Thunder in Game 6 of the Western Conference finals, then took Game 7 from the champs in Oke City. 

So they've got that going for them.

And all the rest?

Well, 27 years ago, the Spurs beat the Knicks in five games in the Finals. 

Something to think about, harmonically converging-wise. Or not.

Saturday, May 30, 2026

Today's requiem

 I wrote my obit for Sports Illustrated almost two-and-a-half years ago now, on account of the magazine I grew up reading and that steered me into 38 years of writing about our games was long gone by then. Great writing and photography and by-God journalism had surrendered to the omnipotence of The Brand by then, and I mourned appropriately.

Here's what I wrote, if you're interested. Or, you know, not.

Anyway, I'm back on the subject today because SI jettisoned another crop of its writers yesterday, because writers don't matter there anymore. Hell, the bosses can just get AI to do the writing, right? And in some cases (I can hardly say this without throwing up in mouth a little), they have.

I can imagine Dan Jenkins throwing a young scotch against the wall up there in the celestial press box, hearing that. Or Frank Deford or Gary Smith or Rick Reilly or any of the other authors who made Sports Illustrated such a glorious festival of words, images and, again, by-God journalism.

Know what I don't have to imagine?

What another SI alum, Jeff Pearlman, thinks about it. Needless to say, he ain't too happy, either.

Here's how he put it on what can only be described as a seething TikTok video yesterday, and re-posted by the website Awful Announcing:

As a guy who wrote for Sports Illustrated for a long long time and a guy who loves Sports Illustrated, like loves, loves, loves ... this stuff carves me up. And it's one thing that they get rid of writers, they lay people off. What I hate the most is that these corporate douchebags who have taken over the magazine view it just as a name now ...

I do want to remind people, because I think it's important, and I know this makes me a dinosaur. To me, Sports Illustrated is Gary Smith, it's Rick Reilly, it's Grant Wahl, it's Ron Fimrite, it's Frank Deford, Dan Jenkins, Jon Wertheim, Phil Taylor. It's the great, great, great writing and reporting, where once upon a time they put money and pride into bringing you the absolute best in sports ... every Tuesday or Wednesday, you'd open you mailbox and there would be this bible every week  of what's going on in sports.

As someone who actually opened that mailbox every week as a kid, I say this: Amen, Jeff Pearlman. Amen.

Street fights over America

 Saw a photo the other day of the massive UFC build on the South Lawn of the White House, and I gotta say, Woodrow Wilson doesn't look so bad, suddenly. All he did was let sheep graze on the South Lawn to keep the grass in check.

I imagine some people thought that was an abomination, too, Americans being Americans. Never met anything we wouldn't complain about, after all.

In any case, this thing really is an abomination, or at the very least a big ol' thumb in the eye of a national landmark. I'd say it would be like holding a UFC card on the White House lawn, but they really are going to hold a UFC card on the White House lawn.

Some folks just have no couth, I guess. Or manners.

Anyway, this Street Fight Over America on June 14 is part of Fearless Leader's celebration of the nation's 250th birthday, upon which the founders told George III and the British to stick it up their nose with a rubber hose. It's probably just me, but I can't think of anything less evocative of that great shouting day than a bunch of half-naked tattoo enthusiasts rolling around inside a cage. 

Unless, that is, the founders settled on the wording of the Declaration of Independence by pitting Thomas Jefferson against John Adams in the octagon. "It's 'we hold these truths to be SELF-EVIDENT', dammit!" cried John, submitting poor Tommy with his deadly Roxboro Armbar.

Yeesh. What a country.

Of course, it's not just a glammed-up brawl on the South Lawn we've got look forward to these days. There will also be an IndyCar race through the streets of D.C. this summer -- keep it off The Wall, Sting Ray Robb! -- and, before long, Fearless Leader will have his very own Reichstag bunker, cleverly disguised as a ballroom. And how about that lovely Albert Speer Memorial Arch welcoming visitors to Arlington National Cemetery?

Talk about not reading that particular room.

But enough about all that. I just want to know what it's going to look like on June 14, which is also Flag Day. I also want to know how fast the new sod will grow in after it's all over.

That Donald J. Trump Presidential Pitch-And-Putt won't wait forever, you know.

Friday, May 29, 2026

Unknowable anguish

 Claude Lemieux was never cut out to be Mr. Nice Guy. If you'd handed him the NHL's Lady Byng Trophy for gentlemanly behavior, he'd likely have told you to stick it, and into what orifice, and with exactly how much force.

He grew up in Buckingham, Quebec, a mill town 24 miles north of Ottawa and 110 west of Montreal that was swallowed up by the city of Gastineau in the early Oughts. He died this week in Lake Park, Fla., just three days after serving as the honorary torch bearer in Montreal before Game 3 of the NHL Eastern Conference Finals between the Canadiens and Carolina Hurricanes.

Police say his son found him in the back warehouse of a furniture store showroom in Lake Park, apparently dead by his own hand. He was 60 years old.

In passing he leaves a quirky sort of legacy from his years as a player, primarily with the Canadiens, the New Jersey Devils and the Colorado Avalanche: Clutch performer and (not to tiptoe around it) a genuine horse's ass.

In his 1,215 games in the NHL, he won four Stanley Cups -- one with the Habs, two with the Devils and one with the Avalanche -- and finished with 786 career points on 379 goals and 407 assists. In 1995, he won the Conn Smythe Trophy as the playoff MVP, leading the Avalanche to the Stanley Cup with 13 goals in 20 games.

Of course, along the way, he also delivered one of the all-time cheap shots in the '96 Western Conference finals, running Kris Draper of the Red Wings from behind and leaving Draper with a fractured skull and a rearranged face. Because that was Lemieux, too.

On the ice, he was that annoying fly buzzing around your head, an agent provocateur who accumulated 1,777 penalty minutes in his career. If he played for your team, he was a hard-nosed guy who played hard-nosed hockey, because it's  hard-nosed game. But if he played for the other guys?

Well. Then he was just, you know, a horse's ass.

"A fierce competitor who rose to the occasion in big moments, Claude was a relentless, courageous and tenacious player who the team to the highest honors," Canadiens owner Geoff Molson eulogized.

To which opposing fans would no doubt reply, channeling The Dude in "The Big Lebowski": Yeah, well, that's just like your opinion, man.

What is not opinion is he's gone now, and the "how" of it is is ineffably tragic. That's because, as is true so many times when someone takes his or her own life, there is no "why" to go with it at this point.

The signs may have all been there, leaving those who are left to deal with a grim emotional stew of guilt, grief and, yes, anger ("How could he/she do this?"). On the other hand, sometimes the signs are not there. Sometimes hard-nosed guys are too hard-nosed, and shielding whatever is churning inside them in the armor they've built up across the years. .

Claude Lemieux?

Who knows what drove him to the back of that showroom? Who knows if the signs were there, or if he'd walled them away from the world? 

All I know for sure is there's this video clip of him bearing that torch in Montreal three days before he killed himself, and the roar that washes down around him from every corner of the Bell Centre is huge, huge. In its midst, Lemieux wears a sort of fixed half-smile as he enters the arena, holds the torch up, shakes his other fist. The fixed half-smile never changes through all of it, never blooms to full wattage.

I don't know what that means. I don't know that it means anything. And I don't know that we'll ever know. 

The unknowable anguish: The tragic core of a tragedy.

Bee time!

 And now the big news from the Blob's favorite sporting event that's not a sporting event, even though it's aired on ESPN. 

It's Scripps National Spellin' Bee time, y'all!

(And, OK, so it's "Spelling", not "Spellin'." But this is my Blob and I'll say "Spellin'" if I want to.)

Anyway, the Big Bee went to a lightning-round spell-off, and a 14-year-old from California won. Shrey Parikh correctly spelled 32 words in 90 seconds, beating out Ishaan Gupta and Sarv Dharavne.

"Question, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "Did any Americans compete in this thing?"

OK, first of all, Parikh, Gupta and Dharavne are Americans. They're as American as George Washington, despite all the yahoos out there who think the only real Americans are named John-Boy Winthrop and came here on the Mayflower.

 Anyway, as their names suggest, Parikh, Gupta and Dharavne are of Indian descent. Americans of Indian descent own the Bee, having won 31 of the past 37. They're like ... well, they're like India in cricket, another pursuit Indians dominate.

"Question, Mr. Blob," you're asking now. "Is there a pursuit Indians don't dominate?" 

No. Well, maybe cross-country skiing. The Norwegians are all over that.

Anyway, Shrey smoked the lightning round, leaving Gupta and Dharavne choking on the dust of his correctly aligned P's and Q's. The winning word was "bromocriptine", which was not John-Boy Winthrop's nickname. It's a polypeptide alkaloid that mimics dopamine.

"Question, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "What is a polypeptide alkaloid? And why didn't the spellin' bee people say, 'OK, now spell polypeptide' after Shrey rattled off bromocriptine?"

Beats me. What do I look like, a chemistry major? And I suppose they didn't make Shrey spell "polypeptide" because that would have just been picking on a 14-year-old, and nobody likes a bully.

Steal his lunch money and kick his schoolbooks into the street, that's one thing. But make him do extra spellin'? Unacceptable.

That's u-n-a-c-c-e-p-t-a-b-l-e. Unacceptable.

Thursday, May 28, 2026

Today in Curse news

 The Chicago Cubs finally won a baseball game last night, pummeling the Blob's Pittsburgh Cruds 10-4 before a gathering of the chronically disappointed in PNC Park. This was big news for the northsiders, because A) they actually scored some runs, and B) the win snapped a 10-game losing streak.

About that ...

Some astute observer on the Interwhatsis the other day, when the Cubs were still losing, noted that the Cubs last won a baseball game on May 15. Which, the observer went on to note, was also the day beloved Chicago tavern owner Sam Sianis died.

Sianis, of course, was the longtime owner of the fabled Billy Goat Tavern. It was founded by his uncle, William, whom legend has it put a curse on the Cubs after owner P.K. Wrigley wouldn't let him bring his pet goat into Wrigley Field.

The Billy Goat Curse survived in myth and legend for 71 years, until the Cubs supposedly broke it by winning the 2016 World Series.

And then ...

And then the heir to all that died.

And on the next day -- the very next day -- the Cubs began to lose. For, like, 11 straight days.

So what do call this? The Curse II? Heir Beware? A Brief Unfortunate Return To Those Goat-y Days Of Yore?

Only Sam, William and that damn goat know. And they're not talkin'.

Paying the piper

 (In which Sportsball World once again cannot hold the Blob. You know the protocol: Read on, or take your hall pass and skedaddle.)

So I see my alma mater will have to fork over a quarter million dollars to fired employee Suzanne Swierc, and I say, too effing bad. Ball State University should have to pay her a quarter mill. In fact, if it were up to this alum (Class of '77, thank you very much), Ball U. would be paying a lot more.

It got off cheap, in my estimation. So pay the piper and don't play the victim, ya lint brains.

I say this because the current administration showed no stones and less integrity in dismissing Swierc last September, simply because she chose to lay a little perspective on everyone about murdered (martyred?) right-wing provocateur Charlie Kirk. The deification of Mr. Kirk was well underway by then, and Swierc was deemed not properly genuflective (to totally make up a word) because she said some things that frankly needed saying.  

If you read her post, it was the farthest thing from heartless. She didn't "celebrate" his death, as the more fevered of her detractors tried to claim. She simply pointed out that Saint Charlie occasionally said some pretty hurtful things about certain people who'd never done him any harm, and sometimes one reaps what one sows when you do that.

Now, not a word of that was untrue. But Ball State's administration went into cringe mode anyway, apparently afraid governor Mike Braun and attorney general Todd Rokita would come after them with pitchforks and torches. So Swierc was canned for reasons that smelled worse than any cow pasture in Indiana.

Or as the Blob put it last September:

In its official release the University said it went strictly by official guidelines, which state that a public institution can justify a dismissal by applying a two-part test to determine whether or not an employee's speech disrupts the workplace. The release went on to say the University determined Swierc's post did exactly that.

"... Our administration evaluated the impact of the significant disruption to the University's mission and operations and the effect of the post on her ability to perform her work in her leadership position," the release said, in a masterwork of handbook-speak.

And to which the Blob says this: Oh, balls.

Tell me how, precisely, Swierc's post was a "significant disruption" of her ability to (what did she do again?) promote and advocate health issues. Tell me how, again precisely, a post entirely unrelated to her job made it difficult for her to do that job. Explain yourselves -- or to put it in more educational terms: Show me your work.

Indeed. Or, better yet, be honest about it: Say you were a-feared of the Guv and Sanctimony Todd, and decided to cave instead of doing what higher ed is supposed to do.

Which is, stand up for the truth-tellers. Because seeking truth is supposed to be a university's core mission, is it not?

Any university worth the name, that is.

Wednesday, May 27, 2026

In the interest of self

 Mike Elko is as right as ham on rye, if it matters at all. Which it doesn't.

This is because saying out loud what is self-evident doesn't make it less self-evident. And what Texas A&M's football coach said the other day at the SEC spring meetings was as self-evident as it gets.

What he said was, essentially, is that everyone in college football these days is in it for themselves.

"I don't know why you ask us," he replied in response to a reporter's question about the Power 4's latest harebrained idea, which is a 24-team playoff. "It doesn't matter what we think. I don't know why we're trying to become a trophy sport. What does Mike Elko want? 40 (teams). Then I won't get fired.

"None of us are answering for the good of the sport. We're answering for the good of ourselves."

Well, sure. The 24-team proposal being pushed hardest by Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti is because, essentially, the Power 4 conferences need cash to pay their worker bees, who've become as mercenary as their coaches and universities. More Power 4 teams in the playoff would mean deepen the revenue stream. And, yes, it would help Coach hang onto his job because, by golly, he made the playoff even if he only went 8-4 or 9-3.

With the glaring exception of the SEC -- which, let's face it, doesn't need anyone's help now that it's swallowed up half the Big 12 -- the other Power 4s are slowly coming around to Petitti's hard sell. That it's a profoundly stupid idea that finishes blowing up what once made college football great matters not at all.

For example: One of the arguments advanced by the pro-24 crowd is that it would compel teams to schedule more marquee opponents instead of Lower Eastern Murgatroyd Tech. This makes absolutely zero sense, of course; if anything, teams would be compelled to schedule more Lower Eastern Murgatroyd Techs in order to get to the magic playoff threshold, which with a 24-team playoff would go from 10 or 11 wins to eight or nine.

Also: If everything becomes about making the playoffs (and getting one's hands on all that lovely green stuff), what happens to the lifeblood of the sport -- i.e., the traditional rivalries that have given college football a historical texture the Sunday version can't match?

"That's silly, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "Alabama-Auburn will always be Alabama-Auburn. Michigan-Ohio State will always be Michigan-Ohio State. Army-Navy will always be Army-Navy."

The latter I'll give you, because Army-Navy is unique among rivalries. But the rest of 'em?

If making the playoffs becomes the Alpha and Omega of college football, what of them? Alabama and Auburn might still despise one another, but what happens if they both wind up playing one another in the playoff? Will the rivalry game still be THE RIVALRY GAME, or will it merely be a warmup act?

At least now those end-of-season rivalries sometimes have the added spice of a possible playoff berth; last year, for instance, Michigan needed to beat Ohio State to have a shot at getting in. In a 24-team field, the Wolverines would have already had a berth nailed down. With the prospect of playing Ohio State again down the road.

Dilutes the hell out of The Game, the name Michigan-Ohio State swiped from Yale-Harvard. Because bragging rights would be postponed until later.

Me?

I'd rather just keep watching Army-Navy every December. Stubborn coot that I am.

Tuesday, May 26, 2026

A Knick(s) in time

 Your New York Knickerbockers are back in the NBA Finals again, and, listen, pal, they mean bidness. Lathered the Cleveland Cavaliers in four straight in the Eastern Conference, winning Games 2, 3 and 4 by a combined 66 points. That includes Game 4 in C-town, when they squashed the Cavs like a bug, 130-93.

One-thirty to 93! That's 37 points to you and me, kids.

In any case, they look unstoppable right now, having won 11 straight playoff games. Now they await the winner between the Spurs and the defending champion Oklahoma City Thunder, either of whom will presumably be the favorite in the NBA Finals.

Think New York will care. if so?

Hell, no, New York won't care. This is, after all, the first time the Knicks have been in the Finals in 27 years. And it's the first time they've been in the Finals after a full 82-game season in 32 years.

The 1998-99 season, see, got cut to 50 games thanks to a lockout, and the Knicks only showed up for a little more than half of those. They went a "meh" 27-23 in the regular season, then shocked a whole lot of people by making it to the Finals.

Beat Reggie Miller, the Davis boys and the Indiana Pacers in six games in the Eastern Conference finals, the Knicks did. Lost in five in the Finals to the Big Fundamental, Tim Duncan, and the San Antonio Spurs. 

Patrick Ewing, Allan Houston, Latrell Sprewell and Marcus Camby were the big names on that Knicks team. They're all in their 50s now -- except for Ewing, who's 63.

Which is to say, 1999 was a long time ago.

It's so long ago nine players on the current roster hadn't even been born. Bill Clinton was president, and everyone was worried about Y2K, one of the biggest nothingburgers in contemporary American history. "You've got mail!" was still a thing; Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and TikTok were not. Heck, MySpace wasn't even around yet.

That year, the Yankees won the World Series. John Elway was still playing football, and Wayne Gretzky was still playing hockey.  Dr. Jack Miller the Racing Dentist was racing in the Indianapolis 500, and so were Jeret Schroeder, Stan Wattles, Buzz Calkins and John Hollansworth Jr. And instead of a Ford or Offy power plant, almost everyone was driving an Oldsmobile. 

The winner that year?

Kenny Brack, a Swede.

The winner this year?

Felix Rosenqvist, another Swede.

One of the two teams playing for the right to face the Knicks in the Finals?

The Spurs. Same as in '99.

Hmm.

I sense some temporal convergence here. But maybe that's just me.

Monday, May 25, 2026

Da race

 Somewhere, no doubt, Scott Goodyear must have nodded his head and said, "Of course."

And somewhere else, Marco Andretti must have nodded, too, and said, "Yep."

And when the day was done, Helio Castroneves must have watched the replay and said, "Been there, done that."

Because the Indianapolis 500, see, went the full 500 yesterday before the winner emerged.

Because not even the blink of an eye, or the twitch of a nerve ending, separated the winner from the heartbreak of second place.

Because young David Malukas, who drove an impeccable race and looked more and more like the chosen one the longer the day went on, was going to win the biggest motorsports prize in the world. And then he didn't.

And then, in the last, what, 50 feet or so, Felix Rosenqvist -- new father and fastest man at at the Speedway for most of the month -- got a run. A millisecond later, he was crossing the yard of brick a nose cone ahead of Malukas. Hell, not even a nose cone ahead.

Zero point zero two seconds. That was your margin of victory after 500 miles.

 Closer than Al Unser Jr. over Goodyear in '92. Closer than Sam Hornish over Marco in '06. Closer than Ryan Hunter-Reay over Helio in '14. Closest finish ever.

Rosenqvist, whose month of May began with the birth of he and his wife Emille's first child and ended with -- let's face it -- a damn miracle, was properly overjoyed. Malukas was just as properly crushed. What do you say to a young man who had the Indianapolis 500 in the palm of his hand one second, and then the next -- literally, the next -- didn't?

"Better luck next time" ain't gonna cut it. That I can assure you.

In any event, it was an unreal finish to an unreal day, with a record 70 lead changes among 14 drivers and a red flag and a caution in the last eight laps. When the green and white flags flew together after the caution, Malukas went from fourth to first with a brilliant outside move in traffic, and then held off everyone until Rosenqvist's perfectly timed push swiped it off the kid's plate.

Some other observations:

* Red is the new fashion statement.

No grumbling from the geezer section, if you please, about the policy of red-flagging the 500 in the final laps of the race. It's the best decision IMS and IndyCar have made in years.

The first year it was instituted was 2014, and it produced Hunter-Reay's thrilling duel to the checkers with Helio. Subsequent late stoppages have set up some of the best finishes in the 110-year history of the 500 in the dozen years since. No one would rather see the race finish under yellow because some back marker got cozy with the wall.

In this particular circumstance, tradition be damned.

* Fuel strategy is not boring. It's what makes the Race, the Race.

Because, as ever, it was a major Indy 500 plotline.

Malukas, Alex Palou, Josef Newgarden, Scott McLaughlin and Conor Daly were on one stagger. Rosenqvist, Marcus Armstrong, Pato O'Ward et al were on another. It meant the latter had to make their last stops ten laps or so later than the former, and then hope they could run Rosenqvist and Co. down or pressure them into running out of fuel.

In the end, Caio Collet's hard crash and Mick Schumacher's kiss of the wall in the last eight laps -- the first stopping the race, and the second slowing it for a crucial lap -- made that a moot point. 

* Oh, Pato.

How many times is Pato O'Ward going to be right there, only to not be there?

He finished fourth on Sunday, which means he's now finished fourth or better four times in the last five years. Once more he was hanging around the front all day; once more he played all the strategic cards right to put him up front as the laps got skinny.

Everyone keeps saying he's going to win the Greatest Spectacle someday, because he's always good here. But as the Blob has noted before, maybe he could also be the modern-day Ted Horn -- who finished fourth or better nine straight times between 1936 and 1948, but never won.

* Dixie!

Scott Dixon may never win the 500 again, but that doesn't mean you can keep him away from the front. The greatest IndyCar driver of his generation led 32 laps yesterday, second only to polesitter Alex Palou's 59. It extended his all-time 500 record for laps led to 709, which are 65 more than second-place Al Unser Sr. 

It also marked the 17th Indianapolis 500 in which he's led at least one lap. Not bad for a guy who somehow has only won the Spectacle once, and who'll turn 46 on July 22.

* And speaking of old guys ...

At 49, Takuma Sato did not have the car to win his third Indianapolis 500 Sunday. But he did have the car to finish 10th.

Counting his victories in 2017 and 2020, it was his sixth top-ten finish at Indy -- and his second in a row for Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing.

The only older driver in the field was, of course, Helio who at 51 didn't come close to a record fifth 500 victory. He finished 25th.

And yet ...

And yet, he won, sort of.

He won because Rosenqvist won, which made Helio a 500 champion as an owner.  He owns a piece of Meyer-Shank Racing, for whom he won his fourth 500 in 2021 and for whom Rosenqvist won Sunday. 

Of things given

 This being Memorial Day, when we remember the ones who didn't come back from our wars and rumors of wars -- when we remember who bought us our cookouts and our trips to the lake and all of a peaceful life's pleasures and, yes, annoyances, too -- the Blob offers in this space something I wrote eight years ago on this day. It is the perfect message for these times, when the man-children running our country play army with real lives and treat war as some sort of glorious crusade instead of the mean, ugly business it is.

And that's all I'll say about that.

Of the rest, I say this:

Always I remember the crosses, on this day. Pristine white, laid out row upon perfectly symmetrical row, they sprout like a field of wildflowers in this quiet green place, every cross representing a father or son or brother who didn't come back from what was naively termed the Great Adventure.

Every cross representing something given, without expectation of payment.

War is the great waster, thief of life and potential and what-might-have-been. It is never something to be glorified, to be held up as some shining beacon of human virtue. Even in a good cause -- and the good causes almost without exception look less so in retrospect -- it reveals the worst of what we are.

And also the best, in an oddly paradoxical way.

The latter is why, on this Memorial Day, we go to the cemeteries and place American flags on graves. It's why on this day I remember those white crosses in the St. Mihiel American Military Cemetery near Thiaucourt, France, where so many of our countrymen rest who died trying to reduce the St. Mihiel salient in September of 1918.

It was the first major American engagement of the First World War, and if it was a victory it was a costly one, part of less than six months of combat that would steal some 53,000 American lives. The cemetery at Thiaucourt lies at the center of the old salient, a peaceful place set down in the middle of lush French farmland. If you didn't know any better, you'd swear you were in Indiana somewhere -- at least until, in the middle of a field of wheat, you spied the crumbling remains of an old German pillbox.

Or looked out over all those crosses, row on perfectly symmetrical row. Or stepped into the cool marbled shade of the memorial, where name upon name is etched in gold on a black plaque that stretches almost from floor to ceiling. The names go on forever, representing eight different American divisions. They are the names of the American soldiers who fought in the St. Mihiel region, and who now "rest in unknown graves."

Outside, in a leafy alcove, stands a white marble monument with an American doughboy carved on it in bas relief. Bareheaded, eyes closed, he holds his helmet at his waist in his left hand. Beneath him is this inscription: "Blessed are they that have the home longing, for they shall go home."

Around it, beneath those crosses, other American doughboys sleep on. They are home at last, in a sense. And because they and so many of their brothers are, generations of other Americans got to sleep peacefully in their own homes.

And because we do, we remember them this day. And on all days. 

Sunday, May 24, 2026

Da prediction

 People keep asking me, because they know what I used to do. It's Indianapolis 500 week, and I covered it for four decades as a professional scribbler, and so of course I must know, of course I have the wisdom of the ages when it comes to predicting who's gonna win the Greatest Spectacle today, other than the rain.

"Beats me," I say. "Could be any of a dozen guys."

Everyone looks crestfallen.

"Oh, come on," they say. "Pick somebody, You've GOT to pick SOMEBODY."

In that case, I say, you could do worse than Alex Palou. Defending champion, starts on the pole, has won three of five races so far on the IndyCar circuit as he pursues his fourth straight title. The Dominator.

Everyone nods.

"Palou," they say. "Well, sure."

Except ...

Except I have this weird feeling he won't be the one slamming the milk at the end today (or tomorrow).

Mainly I say this for the completely irrational reason that it's too easy -- too obvious -- to pick Alex Palou. Indy, after all, doesn't always do obvious on Memorial Day weekend. And when it's this obvious, it hardly ever happens.

Well, OK. Except when Al Unser Sr. won back-to-back in 1970 and '71 in the fabled Johnny Lightning Special. And except when Bill Vukovich won in 1953 and '54. And except when Wilbur Shaw won in the Boyle Maserati in 1939 and '40 ... and when Rick Mears won all those times for Roger Penske ... and when Simon Pagenaud won from the pole in 2019 ... 

Like I said: Irrational.

Except ...

Except that weird feeling won't go away.

It's the feeling I get sometimes when I think this is a year when Indy gets quirky on us, which it's fairly notorious for doing on occasion. How else to explain Mario Andretti only winning the 500 once in 29 starts? Or Lloyd Ruby and Michael Andretti never winning? Or Scott Dixon winning just once, or Ted Horn finishing in the top four, like, every damn year, but never finishing first?

So, no, I'm not picking Palou. I'm also not picking Pato O'Ward, who starts on the outside of Row 2 and has finished second, second and third in three of the last four 500s. He's going to win this race someday. If it's this year, well, that would figure. But I don't think it will be.

Dixon, back there in Row 4? Maybe. Two-time winner Takuma Sato, who led a race-high 51 laps last year and starts on the outside of Row 5? Always up there. Ditto Santino Ferrucci, Marcus Ericsson, two-time winner Josef Newgarden, four-time champ Helio Castroneves.

Ditto Conor Daly.

Who starts in the middle of Row 3 and could very well win this today (or tomorrow), after leading 13 laps and finishing eighth last year for Juncos Hollinger Racing. He's the hometown boy, from just up the road in Noblesville. Makes him a sexy pick for a lot of people.

Me?

Well ...

Well, try this name on for size: David Malukas.

He's a 24-yearold from Chicago who qualified seventh and finished second last year for A.J. Foyt, and now he has Will Power's old ride with Penske. Stuck it on the outside of the front row in qualifying, during which he drove with a calm efficiency that reminded you a little  (OK, so, reminded me a little) of a young Rick Mears. I know, crazy, right?

Know what's crazier?

I think this is a David Malukas kind of year. Write it down.

In pencil, at least.

Saturday, May 23, 2026

A real 'dogfight

 The weather was gray, damp and cool at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway yesterday, but the hot(dog)foots were tearin' around the old joint nonetheless. They were sizzlin' four wide down the long straightaways and playin' ketchup through the perilous turns, but only one mustard the wherewithal to relish the victory.

OK, OK. I'll stop.

(Maybe)

But, hey, how could you not get carried away by the second annual Wienie 500, a two-lap speedfest featuring six Oscar Mayer Wienermobiles. Buns and wienies blazed around the hallowed Brickyard at a blistering 50 mph or so, and when the condiments settled New York Dog had beaten the rest of the pack(age) to the checkers.

"Grilled those losers!" said the winning wienie pilot, Dario Frank-Eatie, who credited the radical bun-length design of his delicious ride for his late pass of runnerup Chili Dog.

OK, O-KAY. I'm stopping. Promise.

(Or not.)

Meanwhile, last year's inaugural wiener, Slaw Dog, got shuffled back in the fierce jockeying for position and finished third. Driver Wilbur Slaw filed a formal complaint post-race, claiming the rest of the field was driving "like a bunch of  ***damn Italian sausages out there."

"Wow, wonder what's got his buns so steamed?" said Chili Dog's chauffeur, Mauri Rolls, who--.

Hey. What are you doing with that Guilden's Spicy Brown?

Put it down. I mean it. PUT IT DOW--

Friday, May 22, 2026

Shock and awe

 You never think the leadfoots are gonna go out like this. There's your home truth for today.

There's your home truth now that Kyle Busch is gone, at 41, not in some metal-shredding Big One at Talladega or Daytona but from something too small to see with the naked eye. Died three days before the Coca-Cola 600, his next gig. Died of what for now is only being called a "severe illness" that first sent him to the hospital yesterday morning, and then ended his life a few hours later.

Deadly Virus Or Something Kills The One They Called "Rowdy": Now there's a shocker of a headline for you.

It's a shocker, first of all, because when a race driver gets tagged with a nickname like Rowdy, it's not usually because he's a gentleman on the racetrack. It's because he's a purebred SOB with a big mouth and an even bigger ability to drive the wheels off anything you put him in.

That was Kyle Busch to a fare-thee-well when he came into NASCAR at 19 -- he actually drove in a truck race when he was just 16, finishing ninth -- and if the years and a wife and family killed off the punk in him, it didn't file down his edges completely. Just a couple of weeks before his death, in fact, he was going back and forth with his crew chief about some on-track outrage or other, and when his crew chief suggested he re-focus on the job at hand, Rowdy sneered, "OK, pysch major."

And then suggested the crew chief put a bag of ice on his crotch to calm his ass down.

That was vintage Kyle Busch, and if you didn't like it, well, you could just sit on it and spin. Busch couldn't have cared less. He actually courted the crowd's disfavor on occasion, gesturing the boo-birds to bring it louder after he'd won one race or another.

And there were a lot of those one-race-or-anothers. Because you can't talk about the shock of Kyle Busch's passing without also talking about the awe of his talent.

He won in every iteration of NASCAR, and no one did it better. No one has ever won more than the 234 races he won in the series top three tiers, and his 63 Cup wins are ninth alltime. He's the only driver ever to win 100 races in the NASCAR O'Reilly Auto Parts series, and his 69 wins in the truck series also is the most alltime.

He won two Cup titles for Joe Gibbs, made the Chase at 19, and won the Brickyard 400 at Indianapolis back-to-back in 2015 and 2016. And if he'd ever decided to show up at Indy in May, he likely might have won the 500, too. He was that good.

And the rest of it?

Hell, that was just old-school NASCAR, when the good ol' boys used to put one another into the fences (and occasionally through or over them) in pursuit of the checkers. And then settled any and all disputes with their fists when the racin' was done.

Now, Kyle Busch was not a good ol' boy, except in spirit. He grew up in Las Vegas, a light year away from the Deep South hollers where NASCAR was born. But he did some dispute-settling of his own, too, on occasion.

As Joey Logano could attest.

 A guy like that, you figure, isn't going to die in bed. Although a couple of weeks ago at Watkins Glen, Busch did request medical assistance -- a "shot", actually -- upon finishing the Cup race. Which makes you wonder if whatever killed him was already working on him then.

And yet ...

And yet, he raced again last weekend at Dover. Won the truck race for Spire Motorsports, then finished 17th in the Cup All-Star race for his regular employer, Richard Childress.

Oh, and that race at Watkins Glen?

Despite clearly being in dire straits physically, he finished eighth.

That was Kyle Busch.

Thursday, May 21, 2026

A writer's rant

 Read the other day that a writer on one of Sports Illustrated's platforms got nailed for using artificial intelligence to plagiarize part of some betting piece or other, and here came my Curmudgeonly Old Writer Guy, roaring from his cave. 

I cannot help this. It's who I am. It's probably who I was at 31 instead of 71, come to think of it.

And so I shake my head and grumble and wonder what Dan Jenkins would think this. Or Frank Deford. Or Curry Kirkpatrick or Gary Smith or any of the other SI legends from back in the day.

I'm thinking they wouldn't think too kindly of it. I'm thinking they'd think, one, AI is a cheat for a writerly sort, and lazy, and, by the way, so is plagiarism. In fact if you can't come up with a better way to say something than whomever it is you're plagiarizing, you're not much of a writer and should probably take up a different profession, like arc-welding.

I think that's what the legends would think because that's what I think. Not that I was ever a legend or anything close to it.

What I am is guy who did the sportswriting thing for 40 years, and the idea of stealing someone else's words -- at least without quotation marks and attribution -- would never have occurred to me. This was arrogance, mostly; I figured I usually could express something better in my own way, so why would I bother with someone else's way?

And besides ... it's lazy, like I said. And not nearly as much fun.

As for AI, well, that's lazy squared. And if you're a writer -- the sort of oddball who glories in the written word -- you know AI can't write, anyway. This is because the human brain is infinitely more complex, and every human brain is different. We're all informed by different life experiences, and it's those life experiences that enable us to produce words and images unique to us. The associations we make are ours alone.

AI?

All AI can do is reproduce whatever you tell it to. That's why what it spits out is so wretchedly pro forma. Skynet may live, but it can't write for doody.

Or at least, that's what I tell the young minds I find myself surrounded by these days.

In my retirement, see, I've taken up teaching creative writing for an organization called the Unity Performing Arts Foundation in my hometown, and it's been a revelation. First of all, the students are mostly middle-schoolers to young high-schoolers, and I'd forgotten what kids that age are like. And, second, I'm amazed (and a bit envious at times) at how adept some of them are with the written word at their age.

And so, periodically, I haul Curmudgeonly Old Writer Guy from his cave and rant my little rant about AI. It can, I point out, be a useful tool. But it can't express your thoughts and feelings -- your creativity -- better than you can. All that is yours, and yours alone.

It's why, when I try to coax one of my shy ones to read for the class what they've written, I always say a variation of this: "Come on. Have pride in your work, because you should. It's your work, after all, and no one else's. Don't be afraid to share it."

I almost never add, "And don't ever let AI within a light year of it."

I don't have to. I mean, how many times have they heard that sermon from the old dude?

Wednesday, May 20, 2026

To Cav not

 So I'm looking up at the TV a few skinny minutes before 9 o'clock last night, and, oh, look, it's the Cleveland Cavaliers and New York Knicks in Game 1 of the NBA Eastern Conference finals, and, wow, the Cavs are up 15 with three minutes to play in the third quarter, and this is HUGE, because they're playing in Madison Square Garden and the Knicks have just been rolling through the playoffs so far ...

I'm sorry, what?

Will this sentence eventually have a period in it?

OK, fine. Here's your period. Three of them, in fact.

Now where was I?

Oh, yeah, right: The Cavs. Rolling themselves. Moving the basketball like a metronome. About to erase homecourt advantage for the previously indomitable Knickerbockers.

And then ...

If you live in Cleveland, you might want to stop reading now.

That's because the Cavaliers' lead was up to 22 points with 8:19 to play in the fourth quarter, and now it was not just a win but a certified freaking blowout. Except ...

Except over on the Knicks' bench, head coach Mike Brown and his assistants noticed something.

What they noticed was James Harden was bouncing the ball an awful lot for the Cavs, as he tends to do. They also noticed his age (36). And they also noticed the age of their own bucket-filler, 29-year-old Jalen Brunson.

That's seven years of fresher legs, if you're keeping score at home.

And so, right about then, the Knicks told Brunson to start attacking Harden offensively. And suddenly the 22-point deficit began to melt like an ice cube on an August sidewalk. And before long the Knicks had outscored Harden and the Cavs 44-11 -- 44-11! -- the rest of the fourth quarter and overtime, and Cleveland's blowout became a shocking 115-109 win for New York.

In that same span, the Cavs shot 29.4 percent, missing six of their seven shots in overtime.

Harden was 1-for-6.

And Brunson?

Scored 16 of his game-high 38 in the fourth quarter and OT.

You could call that a choke job of epic proportions by the Cavaliers. Or, you could be nice and call it an equally epic comeback by the Knicks.

Me?

I prefer to call it a horrendous pun, as is my wont.

To Cav ... and then, to Cav not.

I'll be here all week, folks.

Tuesday, May 19, 2026

Dark influencers

 (Departing once more from the normal Blobosphere  to talk about non-Sportsball stuff. Standard protocols apply.)

Couple of sick f**** (excuse the potty mouth) attacked a mosque in San Diego yesterday, killing three people in a burst of gunfire, and God forgive me. My first reaction was not horror or shock or even a weary sigh at the perfidy of these days, but the following: Yep. Knew this was comin'.

Knew this was comin', because the fringiest of the lunatic fringies have been stoking the fire on antisocial media, ranting about the "Muslim horde" (hat tip to Secretary of Defense Sir Pete the Lionhearted Hegseth for that 12th-century gem) that's INVADING AMERICA and trying to turn a CHRISTIAN NATION into another Islamic hellscape ruled by Sharia Law. Lord knows from what stinking sewer lint-brains like these crawl, but they're suddenly everywhere.

It's their contention -- and even that of some of our elected boneheads, like that idiot Tommy Tuberville -- that Muslims are evil incarnate and don't belong here, and never mind that freedom-of-religion thing. The First Amendment, they claim, doesn't apply to Islam, because Islam is anathema to American culture and wants only to subjugate it. 

Even though Muslims have been part of the American fabric since the founding. Even though the Muslims I know are a lot more interested in Mohammed Salah and Liverpool subjugating Aston Villa or Arsenal than subjugating America.

No matter. Bigotry has no time for reality, and it's out there every day -- sent out into the online biosphere by beyond-hard-right webheads we've come to know as "influencers."

Being an elderly American hopelessly afflicted with terminal fogey-ism, I can't tell you what an influencer is, exactly. I can't tell you how or why certain people become influencers. From what I can tell, all it takes is a cellphone, a fondness for using it to film your every personal interaction every second of the day, and the massive narcissism it takes to do that.

After which, in some cases, you start up a website where you can share the ravings of your diseased mind with the similarly afflicted. With no consequences whatsoever, because words, apparently, are only words.

Except, in this case, three people are dead. And the two suspects, both teenagers, are dead from apparent self-inflicted gunshot wounds. 

To repeat: Teenagers.

Who cruise the Great And Terrible Interwhatsis 24/7. And who, let's face, seem to be particularly drawn to "influencers."

Mind you, this is not to say all the anti-Muslim poison out there right now triggered these particular teenagers. But I'm not saying it didn't, either. Words do matter sometimes, after all. And it's not like America doesn't have a long and ugly history of hate-stoking; go back to the 1840s, for instance, and the influx of Irish from the Great Famine prompted that era's "influencers" to rail that these Catholic heathen were coming to America to turn us all into Papists.

Stroll on down the timeline, and you'll find similar hysteria leveled at every succeeding wave of immigrants. The Chinese were diseased and incorrigibly foreign; Eastern Europeans were anarchists to the man: Italians were all criminal gangsters; and so on, and so on.

Always has to be an Other in the land of the free, I guess. And now it's the Muslims' turn.

To America's shame.

Monday, May 18, 2026

The Great Inescapable

 Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?

-- Tuesday

Well, you can't blame ol' second-day-of-the-week for being miffed. The Nash-unal FOOT-ball League now has targeted every other day of the week for anointing, but not Tuesday? What's up with that

This upon the release of the NFL schedule last week, in which the league announced it would not only play games on Sunday, Monday, Thursday and sometimes Saturday, but on Wednesdays and Fridays, too. So that's six days out of seven the NFL will come flying off the edge into our living rooms, with only Tuesday left to sit around with its hand out.

What is up with that?

I mean, heck, you wanna flood the zone, flood the zone, dammit. If you're gonna crap on high school football by scheduling games on Friday nights, might as well take it all the way to the house, right?

Don't just schedule games on Thanksgiving Eve, a new wrinkle this year that brings Wednesday into play. Schedule a couple of Thanksgiving Eve Eve games, too. Call it the NFL Tuesday Night Two-fer or something.

After all, what's so all-fired special about Wednesday? With Tuesday you at least get tacos. With Wednesday you get ... what? Hump Day Ham Loaf? Boy, howdy.

Oh, I'm sure, in the fullness of time, the League will bring Tuesday into the NFL family of days. It is, let's not forget, the Great Inescapable, or at least aspires to be so. With an expanded European slate this season, NFL Sundays will now be a literal morning, noon and night proposition. And then Monday night! And Thursday Night Football! And now not just Thanksgiving but Thanksgiving Eve, and Christmas Day, too!

Coming soon: The NFL Presents The Night Before Christmas. Best hustle off to bed, boys and girls, or Santa will leave Jets-vs.-Titans in your stocking.

The cautionary tale in all this, of course, is that the NFL risks doing what wildly successful sports monoliths have done since time immemorial: Overreach. To be sure, it sounds silly right now to say the Shield might be perilously close to red-lining market saturation. The public's hunger for its product remains insatiable -- or at least it seems that way.

And so, for now, how-high-is-up remains an open question. And Tuesday awaits.

Pissed off. Feeling abandoned. Bearing tacos.

Palou and the pole

 So, then: Alex Palou, Alexander Rossi, David Malukas.

That's your front row, America. That's who leads the field of 33 six days from now, when the Indianapolis 500 goes off for the 110th time.

Rossi did it for Ed Carpenter with a brilliant final drive after squeaking into the Fast Six as the slowest of the Fast.

Malukas was cool beyond his 24 years in putting Will Power's old ride in a familiar place for Roger Penske.

And Palou?

Well, shoot. Palou was just Palou. Best wheel in IndyCar.

The Spaniard beat out Felix Rosenqvist, who'd been quickest around the ancient place all week until his pole run, when he unaccountably fell off and wound up fourth on the grid. That means the man who's won three of the last four IndyCar titles -- and three of the five races so far this season -- brings 'em to the green on race day.

But if you're inclined to just hand him a second straight bottle of milk and get it over with ... don't.

What, you haven't heard about the Pole Position Curse?

OK, so it's not a curse, exactly, but it might have bought a house in the same block. Since 2009, see, only one polesitter has gone on to win the race. That was Simon Pagenaud in 2019.

In the six 500s since, the guy on the pole has finished 13th, 17th, 21st, 4th, 6th and 26th.

In 109 runnings, the polesitter has won 21 times. 

Which is not nothing, admittedly, but it still means the race winner comes from the pole just 19 percent of the time. And that's taking into account the first decade of this millennium, when the polesitter won four times in eight years, including three in four years between 2006 and 2009.

So, just 17 times in the other 105 Indy 500s. Hardly a lock.

"Yeah, but all those guys who didn't win from the pole?" you're saying now. "None of 'em were Alex Palou."

Oh, really?

Well, one of 'em is A.J. Foyt, the greatest American racer not named Mario Andretti, who won the 500 four times but never from the pole. And one of 'em is Andretti, the greatest American racer not named A.J. Foyt, who started second in 1969 in his only win. And one of 'em is ...

Hey, look at this! It's Alex Palou!

Who, yes, started on the pole in 2023. And finished fourth. So ...

So, don't make him Mr. Automatic yet. It's Indy. No one's automatic, nor ever has been.

Eighty-eight polesitters would agree.

Sunday, May 17, 2026

The rain cure

 The mission was a total scrub down in Indianapolis yesterday, as rain washed away what was to have been the setup day of qualifying for the Indianapolis 500. So what happens now?

Well ... a bit of simplification.

Instead of the new Rube Goldberg deal it was scheduled to unveil, IMS is going back to the old ways, or least the less-new ways. Qualifying will begin at noon, with the top 12 qualifiers making four-lap runs for the Fast Six at 4 p.m. and then the Fast Six run for the pole a bit later.

"Gee, Mr. Blob," you're saying now (or should be). "How come they just didn't do it that way in first place? Seems a lot easier to follow."

Weelll ...

That is a very good question. With a variety of answers.

See, the original, brand-spanking-new plan, if you read the Blob a couple of days ago ("Why would we do that?" you're saying) was to fill the field on Saturday, lock in places 16-33, and roll out the top 15 qualifiers for further qualifying on Sunday. 

The deal was, all 15 would make another four-lap trip to winnow it down to 12. The quickest nine from that session would be locked into spots in that 12. The slowest six would all run again to determine positions 9-12. 

Then those 12 would run again to determine the Fast Six. After which the Fast Six would run YET AGAIN in the race for the pole.

No, I don't know why. Oh, wait, yes, I do.

One reason for the revised skeddy is because there's no last-row qualifying as in the past, on account of this year there are only 33 entries. Which means no bumping, and thus no last-row drama to milk.

Consequently, the Speedway needed something to keep the fans from nodding off mid-afternoon. So, presto, let's add another couple layers to the process!

All of this, of course, springs from the fact qualifying in May ain't what it used to be. Perhaps spooked by the death of polesitter Scott Brayton in practice in 1996, the Speedway has engaged in a three-decade campaign to keep all its rocket ships reasonably sub-orbital. It started with the the fledgling Indy Racing League's move to a normally aspirated engine formula in the late 1990s (a move that didn't last) and has continued right up to today.

The consequence is the track record Arie Luyendyk set 30 years ago still stands. And with no track record in play, a good bit of the drama of 500 qualifying went winging off with the angels.

And with no bumping now either ...

Well. There went the rest of the drama.

(A radical notion: If you want to revive bumping and spice up everything else in May, open up IndyCar's closed Honda/Chevy/Dallara shop. Invite Toyota and Ford and, I don't know, Audi or Ferrari inside the gates. Porsche and Mercedes? Sure. Aston Martin? Why not? Hell, let Pratt & Whitney bring back the turbine. Couldn't hurt.)

Anyway ...

Anyway, we're back to a simpler time today, aka, back to last year. Some might call that the rain curing a few ills. IMS, of course, would characterize it as the rain being a pain again, as it so often does in May.

I know which side of that fence I'm on. You?

Saturday, May 16, 2026

The Mav!

 So remember, I don't know, a month or  so ago, when the Blob wrote it was going to root for a guy named Maverick McNealy in the Masters? Mainly because "Maverick McNealy" sounded like the kind of name you'd give the hero in a golf movie?

(Or the villain. Works either way.)

"No," you're saying now.

Well, I DID. What, you don't remember this:

 And speaking of random ...

I'm putting my dimes on Maverick McNealy.

He's a 30-year-old pro out of Stanford who's 41st on the PGA money list right now, and I'm not picking him just because his name is Maverick McNealy. OK, so, that's mostly why I'm picking him.

 I mean, come on: Has there ever been a better golfer name than Maverick McNealy? ...

See?

Well ... today, I have some further Maverick McNealy news. And it's very exciting.

Guess who's got a piece of the 36-hole lead at the second major of the year, the PGA Championship?

Yes! The Mav!

(Which is what I'm calling him now)

Shot a 67 yesterday that could have been a 65 if he hadn't  messed up a couple of closing holes, and is tied for the lead with Alex Smalley, who's playing in only his fifth major. They're at 4-under 136 on the tricked-up Aronimink layout outside of Philadelphia, the highest 36-hole total for co-leaders in the PGA in 14 years.

But big whoop! The lead is the lead, right? And not only that, but The Mav's younger brother is caddying for him, and you know what HIS name is?

Scout.

Scout! Scout McNealy! What, you think I could make up something that way cool?

So it's Scout and The Mav in the lead in the freaking PGA, and, listen, if you think it'll be cake taking it away from  them, you're in for a rude awakening. 'Cause you losers ain't never BEEN in a rodeo like this before. 

(Or so The Mav would say in the movie, I figure.) 

Friday, May 15, 2026

The Narcissism Bowl

 We're now in week whatever of America's new favorite game show, "The Pittsburgh Steelers Held Hostage," and what have the Steelers won, Johnny Olsen?

"A NEW CAR for driving around looking for Aaron Rodgers!" Johnny cries.

Uh, no.

"A TWIN-ENGINE BEECHCRAFT AIRPLANE for flying around looking for Aaron Rodgers!" Johnny warbles.

Try again.

"A DELUXE STEEL-TOED BOOT to kick Aaron Rodgers' ass when he finally shows up!" Johnny serenades.

Now you're gettin' warmer.

Now you're gettin' what the Steelers must be feeling but not saying these days, with minicamps underway and the NFL beginning its long post-Draft run-up to more minicamps, and then training camp, and then, at last, the Hall of Fame Game between a bunch of future NFL cuts against a bunch of other future NFL cuts.

So where's A-Aron, that rascally old drama king?

Well, still unsigned. Still MIA. Still a 42-year-old whisper in the wind after not showing up in Pittsburgh last weekend despite all the chatter that he was going to. More smoke without fire, while the Steelers insist everything is fine, no worries, Aaron's going to be here and WHAT THE (REALLY BAD WORD) IS ITWITH THIS (DIFFERENT REALLY BAD WORD) GUY?

Well ... the Packers could have told you. Ditto the Jets.

This is Aaron making it about him, as usual. He's the MVP of the Narcissism Bowl, and the Narcissism Bowl is a semi-yearly event.

He'll play. He won't play. He'll sign. He won't sign. He'll show up ... eventually.

Word on the street this time (according to Mike Florio Pro Football Talk) is that Rodgers wants an out clause that would free him to go to a quarterback-needy team of his choosing should the Steelers decide he's had it. In other words, he wants a guarantee that the team would simply release him if it ever decides to bench him.

This would apparently safeguard him from being picked up by any old team on the waiver wire, if the benching happened before the trade deadline. 

In any event, the Steelers' quarterback room is now Will Howard, Mason Rudolph and rookie Drew Allar of Penn State, whom the Steelers drafted all of three weeks ago. Mike McCarthy's new coaching staff is working hard with all three, just in case A-Aron decides to hell with it and retires. He is, to reiterate, 42 years old.

In the meantime, Aaron continues to be, well, Aaron. Only difference from all the other times he was Being Aaron is he's not really Aaron anymore, but just an old guy trying to play the same games without the status he used to have.

Oh, he had a decent season last year, throwing for 3,322 yards and 24 touchdowns against just seven interceptions. But he threw 16 of those sixes in the first seven weeks; in the last 10, he threw just eight. His season QBR of 44.4 ranked 23rd in the league.

So, yeah. Not the Aaron of old; just the old Aaron.

Playing the same young man's games with management he used to be able to play with some justification. Now, it's just annoying.

Or, you know, just Aaron. Same diff.

Thursday, May 14, 2026

Two deaths

 A couple of men passed from this earth too soon this week, and they had two things in common. 

One was basketball. The other were their demons.

This bears some explaining.

Brandon Clarke, one of the men, was just 29 years old when police found him dead from an apparent drug overdose in California. Clarke was a reserve forward for the Memphis Grizzlies of the NBA, an apparently joyous young man whose bright life, and career, had been darkened by one injury after another.

At some point, again apparently, the drugs got their hooks in him. The story is an old and bloody one: A young man succumbing to a demon whose appetite is never sated, and whose legacy of death and ruin stretches to infinity.

And the other man?

His name was Jason Collins, and he, too, was once an NBA player, and still young in the way we measure such things. He was just 47 when the brain cancer he'd been battling for a year killed him, well short of his full complement of years.

And his demon?

Its name is bigotry, and it belongs not to Collins but to those who pass along its sting. Yet it is as old and bloody as Brandon Clarke's, and every bit as potent, given that it hangs out these days in the corridors of power where laws are passed and our meanest impulses no longer skulk in the shadows.

Jason Collins, see, was the first openly gay player in the NBA. Came out 13 years ago in Sports Illustrated, before Pride Months and rainbow flags and the pushback that has made anti-gay prejudice almost chic in America's more reactionary precincts.

You see it most nakedly in the hard-right states, where "Don't Say Gay" laws prohibit educators from so much as breathing the word "LGBTQ+" in a classroom -- even high school classrooms where students struggling with their sexuality already feel isolated and shunned. You see it anywhere a rainbow crosswalk gets painted over, or a rainbow flag is declared verboten, or anti-gay pronouncements are heralded as Christian virtue.

This is not, I believe, the prevailing zeitgeist in this country, founded as it was on the principle of individual freedom. But it's no outlier, either. That's because the bigots hold the levers of power at the highest levels, and thus own the loudest megaphone.

It's OK now, they all but say, to talk about gays and transgenders the way the German Reich talked about Jews in the 1930s -- i.e., as threats to a wholesome and vibrant nation. It's regarded as noble, or at least admirable, to push for laws aimed at effectively shoving the LGBTQ+ community back into the closet where (the narrative goes) it belongs.

In 2013, Jason Collins said "Aw, HELL, no" to that sort of poison. One wonders if, at the end of his life, he felt any dismay that the gay/trans community still had to keep saying it in 2026.

And if perhaps, just perhaps, it is even harder to do so now.

Wednesday, May 13, 2026

Qual folderol

 No one escapes the Indianapolis Motor Speedway in May without tradition holding a pillow over your face. It grows like crabgrass and creeper vines around the old joint, ancient artifacts from a dig site that's 117 years old, and from the most venerable motor race in the world, which turns 110 this month.

You know all the traditions, if you've ever visited. The yard of brick? Sure. The bottle of milk? You bet. "Back Home Again In Indiana" ... "Gentlemen, start your engines" ... Thirty-three cars coming to the green in 11 rows of three?

Check, check and check.

Well. Apparently we can now add another to the pile: Qual Folderol, or Jacking Around With Indy 500 Qualifications For Fun And Profit. 

The other day, see, an item popped up on one of the TV news channels about 500 qualifying. It said the qualification procedures were being changed for this weekend.

"Again?" I yelped.

Yes, again. Apparently, because there aren't enough entries for bumping to occur, there won't be any bumping. So all of us who were just getting used to the previously revised schedule now have to wrap our heads around another revised schedule.

Previously, Saturday would determine the fastest 12 qualifiers, and on Sunday those 12 would qualify again to determine the Fast Six. Then the Fast Six would each get one crack at the pole late in the day. Also, the slowest four qualifiers would run again for spots in the last row, with the slowest winding up "bumped."

Now?

Well, take a deep breath. This could get a little exhausting.

On Saturday, qualifying will commence at the traditional 11 a.m., and run until 5:50 p.m. At that time positions 16 through 33 will be set.

The remaining 15 qualifiers will advance to Sunday, with the fastest nine locked into the Top 12 qualifying session. The remaining six will have one shot at the last three Top 12 spots in something called the Final 15 qualifying session.

Then it's on to the Top 12 session, from which will emerge  the Fast Six, who'll make the official run for the pole at around 6:30.

Confused yet?

"Gee," you're saying now. "Sounds kinda like NASCAR's playoff system." 

And just look how popular that is with the NASCAR hardcores.

Anyway, all this tinkering and reworking and re-reworking is a desperate attempt to make 500 qualifying a hit again, and it's a relatively new phenomenon. For years and years, after all, qualifications for the Indianapolis 500 were as immutable as sunrise: The first day was Pole Day, the last day was Bump Day, and in between were two days to fill the field. Four days across two weekends.

But times change. Circumstances change. The old ways became the Jacking Around ways.

Two weekends of qualifications became one when not enough entries showed up to make two weekends viable anymore. Bump Day become bump-less for the same reason. And all those six-figure crowds for qualifications went away after the race cars were powered down and the track record -- 30 years old this May -- was no longer in play.

Thus the Month of May became the Fortnight of May, especially after IndyCar and the Speedway decided to squeeze another race into the month. And the Jacking Around commenced.

Excuse me. Continues to commence.

God bless tradition.

Superstition 1, Slump 0

 We all have our superstitions. It's how the rational mind takes a breather every so often.

For instance: Way back in the Before Time, when people frequently died trying to drive faster than the other guy in machines often ill-suited to the purpose, green race cars were considered a herald of doom. Ditto peanuts. Ditto women in the pits. And you never, ever,  wanted to drop your racing helmet.

Well, time and circumstance knocked a lot of that into a cocked hat. Jim Clark came to Indianapolis in a hunter-green Lotus and left everyone choking on his exhaust. Stock cars swaddled in Reese's logos showed up at Daytona, and the gates of Hell do not open beneath them. Janet Guthrie came along and Sarah Fisher and Danica Patrick, and the racing gods did not hurl any lightning bolts to strike down the blasphemers.

So, yes. Superstitions are silly. Even baseball, where it's not just in the movies that stealing Jobu's rum is very, very bad.*

(*Obligatory "Major League" reference)

Case in point: Cal Raleigh of the Seattle Mariners.

Who hit, like, a million home runs last season, but who came to Tuesday mired in an 0-for-36 slump. Couldn't hit a lick. Swung and missed, mostly. If baseballs had vocal chords, they'd have been chanting "Nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah" as they scooted past his suddenly impotent bat.

Well, Raleigh had had quite enough of that. So you know what he did?

On Monday night, he took a postgame shower fully clothed.

 Marched into the spray wearing all his catcher's gear. Said the idea came from Seattle pitcher Logan Gilbert, and Raleigh decided it wasn't all that crazy considering ... well, considering oh-for-36.

"Logan gave me some good advice to wash off the bad mojo or juju from the baseball gods," Raleigh said.

I know, I know. Silly.

But you know what?

On Tuesday, Raleigh had two base knocks to end the slump. Pair of singles. First hits since April.

Something to think about the next time you're tempted to steal Jobu's rum. 

Not that you would, of course.

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

Cruds alert*

 (*Pittsburgh Pirates sold separately).

Checked out the latest MLB standings yesterday, and I'll be bumfuzzled. We're 12 days into May, and the Chicago What Sox are in the thick of a pennant race.

OK, so it's only a divisional race, and it's only the AL Central, the used car lot of divisions. And the What Sox are still two games under .500 at 19-21.

But that puts them second in the division, just 1.5 games behind Cleveland. And 19-21 is way better than their record on this date a year ago, which was 12-29.

So, yeah. This Cruds Alert is not about cruds, but who aren't right now.

That would include the Homeless A's, who are playing in Sacramento these days but aren't allowed to tell anyone. That's why they're only identified as "Athletics" in the standings.

But big deal, because "Athletics" are leading the AL West by two whole games.

Yeah, they're only 21-19, and everyone else in the division is underwater. Which makes the AL West the slightly newer used car lot just down from the other used car lot.

But, still. It's May 12, and they're No. 1! Huzzah!

"So who are the actual Cruds these days, Mr. Blob?" you're saying now.

(OK, so you're not. Just employing what we writers like to call a "literary device". Also known as "cheating.")

Anyway, the actual Cruds might still be the Colorado Rockheads, who astonished all of baseball with their epic Cruddiness a year ago. They're dead last in the NL West, 8.5 games behind front-running San Diego. At 16-25, they're the worst team in baseball not named the New York Mutts, er, Mets.

And yet ...

And yet, the Mutts-er-Mets ARE a game worse. And the Rockheads are waaay better than they were a year ago on this date, when they were 7-34 after losing to the Texas Rangers. And right now they're just a game out of next-to-last in the division, nipping at the heels of the San Francisco Giants.

So, you see? Even in Crudsville, hope springs eternal.

Well ... maybe not eternal. But you get the gist.

By their own petard ...

 ... hoist.

That sums up the Indiana Pacers' weekend, pretty much.

When last seen they were losing Tyrese Haliburton to an exploding Achilles heel in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, and then losing Haliburton and everything else for the 2025-26 season. With Halliburton gone, the mojo was gone, and their elevator was Down Only, carrying them to a 19-63 record.

Which put them in the draft lottery.

Which they decided to put up for grabs for a fistful of magic beans.

OK, so it was Los Angeles Clippers center Ivica Zubac. Who's kinda good -- better than magic beans, anyway -- but they also gave up Bennedict Mathurin for him, which seemed an awful lot to pay when you add the possibly-sacrificing-a-lottery-pick factor.

"Hey, what could happen?" the Pacers' brain trust must have said.

Of course, that was when they figured they had a better-than-even shot at that lottery pick.

The deal was this: All the Pacers had to do was get their ping-pong ball/envelope pulled in the top four, and they'd hang onto the pick. If their number was called before that -- fifth or lower -- the Clippers would get the pick.

Well, you know what happened. The lottery got down to No. 5, and, hey, look: It's your Indiana Pacers!

Which of course meant the Clips got the pick, and the Pacers got ... clipped.

Lots of folks in Pacers Nation were saying it wasn't right, it wasn't fair, not after a 19-63 season that had to be worth ... well, something. But, nah. They played their way into the lottery, and then they got zippo. 

No lottery pick, which means no first-round pick. They were out, finished at Faber.

"Why do we have such lousy luck?" Pacers Nation presumably wailed.

To be immediately followed by:

"Why is our front office so dumb?"

Because, listen, bemoan cruel fate all you want, but the Pacers are squarely at fault for what happened last weekend. Who gambles with a lottery pick? No one. Or, at least, no one with the sense God gave floor wax. 

And surely not when the prize is Ivica Zubac and not, say, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

That's no knock on Zubac, understand. But his game wasn't worth a lottery pick.

Almost compels you to ask what Pacers president Kevin Pritchard 'n' them were thinking. If the answer weren't so obvious, that is.

Monday, May 11, 2026

Those darn vibes

The Knickerbockers of New York swept the 76ers of Philadelphia out of the NBA playoffs yesterday by 30 points, 144-114. It concluded a four-game beatdown of a team that came into the series having won three straight itself to  knock the Boston Celtics out of the playoffs.

And now, God help me, I'm starting to get these vibes.

Willis Reed vibes. Dave DeBusschere vibes. Walt "Clyde" Frazier vibes.

Please, Lord. Stop me before history kills me again.

Because, look, I know, this is utter folly. Comparing these Knicks to those Knicks? The legendary Knicks? The NBA champion Knicks? What am I, nuts?

Don't answer that.

Anyway, what got me hearing echoes of Willis and Dave and Clyde 'n' them is what the Knicks have doing so far in the playoffs, which is go through them like Patton through Europe. Swept the Sixers. Beat Atlanta in six games in the first round, booting the Hawks by 51 points in Atlanta in Game 6. 

In the last three games in that series, they won by 16, 29 and 51.  That's a a 96-point combined victory margin if you're keeping score at home.

Oh, and that win yesterday?

 The Knickerbockers led by 24 at halftime, having made 18 threes by that time. That tied an NBA record for most triples in a half.

Also, the 30-point win means they closed out their first two series by a combined 81 points. Both on the road.

That's "holy shite" and "omigod" if you're keeping score at home.

"Does this mean you think the Knicks are going to win it all?" you're saying now.

Oh, heavens, no. They're the Knicks. They'll find a way to crush New York's soul, same as always. And, besides, do you REALLY want to hear celebrity Knicks fan Stephen A. Smith if his guys win it all?

Good lord. He'll be hollering for weeks.

However ...

However, the vibes keep coming. 

Suddenly I'm looking at the way these Knicks distribute the basketball, and it's starting to look like the way Red Holtzman's Knicks distributed the basketball. Is that Jalen Brunson out there, or Clyde? Is Karl-Anthony Towns starting to resemble Willis? And who's DeBusschere in this scenario, Mikal Bridges or OG Anunoby?

By the way, did you know the Knicks' average margin of victory in the playoffs so far is 19-plus points? Which is the largest margin of victory since the playoffs expanded to 16 teams 43 years ago?

 Nineteen points! Why, that's almost 20 POINTS PER GAME.

Please. I'm begging you.

Somebody hit me over the head and bring me to my senses. Now.

Sunday, May 10, 2026

Preview ... or not

 Christian Lundgaard won the Indianapolis Grand Prix yesterday at the Speedway, bringing it home for Arrow McLaren with a nervy outside pass of David Malukas with 18 laps to go. This immediately makes him the favorite for the Indianapolis 500 two weeks hence.

"Wait, what?" you're saying now.

I said ... this makes him the favorite for the Indianapolis 500 two weeks hence. Because doesn't the winner of the Grand Prix always go on to win the Greatest Spectacle?

"No," you're saying.

Well, Alex Palou won both last year.

"But Alex Palou won damn near everything last year."

And, um, let's see, didn't Simon Pagenaud win both in 2019? And Will Power in 2018?

"Well, yes. But ..."

But what?

"What about all the other years?"

Ah.

OK, so maybe Lundgaard's win wasn't a preview of coming attractions, although he had his best finish in the Big One last year, coming home seventh. And he's got one of the premier rides in IndyCar with Arrow McLaren. And he's got three other top-ten finishes so far in the young IndyCar season, including second at Alabama.

So, yeah. It could happen. But it could also (and probably more likely) NOT happen.

At any rate, Lundgaard's in the conversation now. But you know who raised an eyebrow in these precincts yesterday?

The guy who finished third.

That guy was Graham Rahal, and it was his second podium in the last three races, and, listen, who knows, who knows. Indy in May is the quirkiest of places, and it has a habit of occasionally meting out both triumph and heartbreak with wild caprice. 

How else to explain the fact Mario Andretti, the greatest American race driver of all time if A.J. Foyt isn't, won the 500 just once in 29 tries? Or Scott Dixon, the greatest IndyCar racer of his generation, winning it at 27 in 2008 and never since? Or Buddy Rice winning in 2004 and then virtually disappearing, putting up just two more wins, five poles and five podiums across an eight-year IndyCar run?

Graham Rahal?

Indy in May's mostly been a nightmare for him, especially lately. In 18 starts he's finished third twice, most recently in 2020. Since then he's finished 32nd, 14th, 22nd, 15th and 17th. Qualifying has been even worse; since 2010, he's started 26th or worse seven times.

And the last three 500s?

Well, in 2023 he failed to qualify but replaced the injured Stefan Wilson in his Dreyer-Reinbold seat and started 33rd. He finished 22nd.

In 2024 he started dead last again and finished 15th.

Last year he started 28th and finished 17th.

But, again, it's Indy. History's eddies course down the weird channels here. So maybe, finally, it will be his year.

Or Christian Lundgaard's. 

Or Alex Palou's again.

Or Josef Newgarden's, Scott Dixon's, Pato O'Ward's, David Malukas's, Kyle Kirkwood's, on and on and on.

Flip a coin. Good as predictor as any.

Saturday, May 9, 2026

Speed freak

Maybe you didn't hear about what happened in Milwaukee, Wis., last night, where the hometown Brewers whupped the lordly New York Yankees in fine and thorough fashion.

What happened was, a splinter of a kid named Jacob Misiorowski shut out the Pinstripes 6-0.

Along the way, he struck out 11 batters in just six innings' work.

Also along the way, he threw 95 pitches.

Forty-one of them -- almost half -- dinged the radar gun at more than 100 mph. Ten hit 103 or higher. The fastest pitch he threw clocked in at 103.6,the highest velocity of any pitch tracked by MLB since it started tracking such things in 2008. Misiorowski did it three times.

Now imagine you're a batter standing in the box looking out at this dude, who's 24 years old but looks like he just got back from the prom.

He winds up. You dig in. He lets one fly at 103.6, from 60-feet, six-inches away.

Know how fast that pitch is traveling?

According to Mr. Calculator here, it's traveling 150.9 feet per second. Which means you have less than half-a-second to react.

Ridiculous.

Also ridiculous?

Misiorowski doesn't think the speed freak stuff is the story. Or at least not all of it.

"I'm not real keen on the velo, whether it's 100 or 103 or whatever," he said. "I just know if you don't have your other stuff or don't locate that in the zone or you're throwing it just down the middle, these guys can time up a jet plane."

Maybe so. But I can just hear what a Yankee or two might have said in response:

Oh, yeah? YOU try it, kid.

Indeed.

Friday, May 8, 2026

Wrestle mania

 I haven't checked in on professional wrestling since, I don't know, Rowdy Roddy Piper was playing dirty pool against Hulk Hogan or something, mainly because it's professional wrestling. Hasn't really been on my radar since I was into cartoons, which has been some time ago.

But this morning I was cruising the ESPN site per usual, and suddenly this appeared on my laptop: A picture of some guy with biker hair pounding lumps on some guy dressed as the Gingerbread Man.

"Well, THIS is interesting," I said to myself, and opened the accompanying story.

Let me say right here that things have changed a bit in pro wrestling since the Hulk/Rowdy Roddy days. And certainly since the Dick the Bruiser/Yukon Moose Cholak days.

Bruiser and the Hulk never beat up on a literal cartoon character, for one thing.

But, yes, here was the aforementioned Gingerbread Man, who was last seen cavorting with Trick Williams, a present-day pro rassler. This was supposedly the way Williams chose to troll his opponent, Sami Zayn, the guy with the biker hair. Sayn's hair, you see, is red.

He's a "ginger," in other words. Get it?

Anyway, Williams went on to beat Zayn, but that's not all, folks! You think pro wrestling's gonna turn its back on something as wacky as the Gingerbread Man?

Oh, HELL, no. Because on the next edition of "SmackDown," there the Gingerbread Man was again, celebrating with Williams and his sidekick Lil Yachty. (And, no, I'm not making up these names). Except -- what's this? -- it was actually ZAYN wearing the gingerbread man costume, and he proceeded to attack Williams and Yachty. (Again, not making up these names).

And the next week?

More Gingerbread Man.

This time, however, it was a mannequin Zayn had dressed in the costume. He proceeded to pound the dough out of fake Gingerbread Man, in the process "ripping off its delicious arm" according to the account by ESPN correspondent Greg Wyshynski.

So that's your pro rasslin' these days.

Can't wait for the next WrestleMania, emphasis on the "mania." I predict a cage match between the resurrected Gingerbread Man and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. 

Highest sugar content wins.

Canaries in the mine

OK, class, it's Friday morning here at the University of Blob, and ya'll know what means. Quiz time!

"Aw, gee, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "Do we hafta?"

Yeah, you hafta. Besides, this quiz is easy. It's only one question.

Q: How do you know when an NBA team knows it's up against it?

A: When it starts griping about the officiating.

It's the canary in the mine in the Association, and it  happened last week, when the Philadelphia 76ers rallied from a three-games-to-one deficit to take down the choking-dog Boston Celtics in Game 7 in Boston. As night follows day, the Celts' Jaylen Brown came out in the aftermath and said the officiating in the series was less than impartial, and the league really ought to do something about it.

Fast forward a handful of days later, and here were your Los Angeles Lakers, losing to defending champion Oklahoma City last night by 18 in Game 2 of the Western Conference semis. That put the Lake Show down 2-0 in the series, the Thunder having also beaten it by 18 in Game 1. 

You know what that meant.

Sure enough, Lakers coach JJ Redick crabbed about the officiating in the postgame, saying Oke City gets away with stuff because it hardly ever does what Redick was doing, which is crab about the officiating. He also said it was disgusting the way LeBron James gets pounded on, claiming that LBJ gets "the worst whistle of any star player I've ever seen."

About LeBron, he might have had a point. In two games in this series so far, LeBron's shot a measly five free throws. And, yes, it's an eternal verity in the NBA that the big fellas always get pounded on with impunity. 

However ...

However, Redick didn't pick the most opportune time to take off on the officiating, except for the fact his team is down 2-0 and he likely knows in his heart of hearts that Oke City is just better than his Lakers. 

Hard to make a case for blatant favoritism, after all, when the Thunder was whistled for 21 fouls and the Lakers for 26, in Oklahoma City. Hard to argue Joe Official was a terrible handicap when the Thunder shoots just five more free throws -- again, at home.

Yet, Redick did. Because ...

Well. See all of the above.

Thursday, May 7, 2026

A Turner Classic story

 My father never knew Ted Turner. Let's begin today with that obvious factoid.

Dad was a retired International Harvester employee, master woodworker and electrician from Fort Wayne, In., and Ted Turner was ... well, Ted Turner. Multimedia pioneer, professional sports owner, America's Cup champion, Jane Fonda's hubby for ten years. Southern born, southern bred, Atlanta's own.

But they fought the same fight, the two of them. And for one brief moment, Ted provided Dad the ammunition for it, sort of.

Allow me to explain.

See, Ted and my dad both died of Lewy-Body dementia, Dad in 2018 and Ted yesterday, at the age of 86. If you've ever seen it at work close-to, you know Lewy-Body is one hell-borne SOB, little by little erasing a human being's life and taking its time about it. It is, needless to say, excruciating to watch happen; you find yourself searching for any piece of the person you knew, no matter how small and no matter how briefly.

Which brings us back to Dad and Ted.

One day, when much of the man I knew had already vanished, I walked into Dad's room at the memory care unit, and the TV was on. It was tuned to Turner Classic Movies. "The Maltese Falcon" was playing.

Suddenly Dad lifted a gnarled finger and pointed at the screen.

"Humphrey," he said. "Sidney."

Sure enough, there was Humphrey Bogart. And Sidney Greenstreet. And a brief, precious glimpse of my old man, whole and present again.

Anyway, that's my Ted Turner story, on the occasion of his death. Except for this: Along with everything else he was, Ted Turner was the money man who got Michael Shaara's epic Civil War novel "The Killer Angels" onto the screen as a lavish four-hour extravaganza called "Gettysburg."

Which my Dad of course saw, being a former re-enactor whose unit appeared in another Hollywood production ("North and South II"), and a confirmed Civil War nerd of long standing.

Voila: Ted and my old man, on the same page again. 

Two men who never knew each other. But two men who somehow, miles and worlds apart, knew each other.

Wednesday, May 6, 2026

An eternal debate

 It's May now and down in Speedway, In., that old May soundtrack -- the whine and whoosh of purebred racing machines -- rises again from the erector-set canyon of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.  So I guess it's time once more to dust off the eternal debate.

 This isn't my idea, mind you. It's Stephen A. Smith's.

Or, rather, he's the one who brought it up a couple of weeks ago, when he was running his mouth as usual and said golfers and race-car drivers -- specifically, NASCAR drivers -- are not really athletes. 

"Come on, man," Stephen A. opined. "That don't count. You driving a car!"

This brought withering rebuttals from a number of NASCAR folk -- including, significantly, car owner Michael Jordan and longtime driver Kurt Busch. The latter posted this on social media: "Let's go cupcake. I will personally drive you around a NASCAR track for 30 minutes or when you pass out on lap 30."

Ooh. Shots fired!

Me?

Well, my best friend and I have been having this same debate practically since we've known each other, which is almost the entirety of our mutual 71 years. A confirmed gearhead, I covered the Indianapolis 500 as a sportswriter for 40 years; my friend did not. So he takes the "nay" position, and I take the "yay" position. 

Of course, we both long since concluded neither was going to convince the other, so the debate, eternal as it is, has become something of a pro-forma inside joke. Kinda like that old SNL bit with Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd, where Dan would routinely challenge Jane's position by beginning, "Jane, you ignorant slut."

In any case, our debate has gone viral now, and let me say this about that: Stephen A.'s elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

I say this having watched racers literally being pulled from their cars in exhaustion after "driving" for three or four hours in the suffocating heat of a southern summer. I say it having watched IndyCar drivers circle Indy's fabled, capricious two-and-a-half miles for three hours at 220-plus.

Any twitch, any micro-second of inattention or less-than-superhuman reflex will put you in a world of often literal hurt there. Just as it will for the stock-car boys at Talladega or Daytona or gritty old bullrings like Bristol or North Wilkesboro.

Once, in what I like to call the Before Time, I got roped into a charity race at Anderson (In.) Speedway, another venerable old bullring roughly 50 miles northeast of IMS. I was 28 years old then, played a lot of basketball, and was in decent physical shape. The race was 10 laps on Anderson's banked quarter-mile track. So, what, 2.5 miles, right?

In other words, one lap around Indy. At, I don't know, 50 mph or so top end in a battered late-model I suspected was being held together by duct tape.

And who was utterly exhausted by the end of it?

This guy. Twenty-eight-year-old physically fit humanoid. After 10 laps.

I can't even imagine what kind of shape you have to be in -- or what kind of eye-hand coordination, reflexes and concentration you have to have -- to last 200 laps and 500 miles in a rocket ship traveling roughly 323 feet per second. Or  to make it through a 500-mile stock car race at, say, Talladega, where you're humming along at 180 or 190 mph inches apart from 40-some others for three or four hours.

So, yeah, there's my "yay" perspective in this eternal debate. And Stephen A. Smith?

I think he should take Kurt Busch up on his offer. Might open his eyes a bit.

At least until he passes out.

One smallish leap

 Well, well, well. Now they've gone and done it.

Kinda.

Sorta.

In a really, really careful way, like when you ask someone "Is this safe?", and he or she says "Yeah, it's safe", and then you say "Are you sure?", and he or she says "Sure, I'm sure", and then you say "Gee, I don't know ..."

This was the Indiana High School Athletic Association yesterday.

Which stuck its toe in the NIL waters by voting to approve an NIL structure for its high school athletes, although it won't be called NIL and has restrictions on its restrictions, just to keep high school kids from signing exclusive personal services deals with Big Harve's Gently Used Lawn Tractors, a longtime supporter of Pudville Consolidated High School athletics.

Nah. None of that for the IHSAA. What they voted to approve yesterday will not be called "NIL" but "PBA," which stands for "personal branding activities" and is not to be confused with that other PBA, the Professional Bowlers Association.

Under the  "personal branding activities" PBA, Indiana high school athletes will be allowed to engage in branding activities that include "social media, personal appearances and endorsement activities unrelated to their school athletic participation." In other words, they can't "perform personal athletic services", or appear in their high school uniform, or in any other way use represent their high school in a "branding activity."

That means, presumably, that Big Harve can't say, "This here's Flip Wannamaker, star quarterback for the Pudville Fightin' Pine Knots, demonstratin' what a great job our gently-used lawn tractors do. Go ahead, Flip, fire that puppy up and take it for a spin!"

And Flip dutifully fires it up and mows a strip or two, his aqua No. 17 Pudville jersey proudly rippling in the breeze.

Now, I don't know if the IHSAA's restrictions will prevent some Flip from Indiana to be identified as an athlete at a specific high school in some TV ad, or if he'll just be an unidentified high school kid who shows up eating a cheeseburger at the Burgers 'N' Such Cafe and gets paid for it. Except for the getting paid for it part, after all, it wouldn't be the first time a local high school athlete appeared in the background of a TV commercial or in a social media ad for some local business or other.

So the IHSAA is taking a baby step here. A smallish leap for mankind, if you will. A tentative concession to the new age, when not only good old Flip but his teammates can make a little on the side.

Although I don't know how the IHSAA gets around the obvious fact their "branding opportunities" unavoidably will be tied to their "high school athletic participation," even if the IHSAA says that's a no-no. I mean, those opportunities are going to happen precisely because of their high school athletic participation, right?

Just one Gordian knot the IHSAA will have to hack through now that it's decided (reluctantly) to join modern times. There will surely be others.

However distasteful the IHSAA, and the rest of us, may find that prospect.