Sunday, January 29, 2017

Your Pro Bowl moment for today

And, yes, I know what you're saying: How did the Pro Bowl hijack an entire Blob meme?

Well, it's because we're still a week away from the Super Bowl, and the Pro Bowl is tonight, and the Blob is an enthusiastic fan of public service announcements. And so Your Super Bowl Moment For Today has become Your Pro Bowl Moment For Today, just so the Blob can offer you, as a public service, a list of things you can do tonight instead of watch the Pro Bowl:

1. Watch "Victoria" on PBS. It's really good.

2. Write that letter to Roger Goodell you've been putting off, the one that begins "So, are you going to show up at the Super Bowl, Mr. Candy-Ass?"

3. Rewrite the letter in a more respectful tone, i.e., "So, are you going to show up at the Super Bowl, Mr. Candy-Ass, sir?"

4. Watch the replay of Roger Federer's five-set victory over Rafe Nadal in the Australian Open final. That was really good, too.

5. Start planning your Super Bowl menu.

6. Start planning your Daytona 500 menu.

7. Work on a marketing plan that will make the Pro Bowl seem more than just a meaningless exercise in something that vaguely resembles football. Suggested themes: The Greatest Spectacle In Groin Pull Avoidance ... Hey, Look, Palm Trees! ... and, If We Bring Back Former Stars (Peyton Manning? Brett Favre?) And Let Them Play, Will You Watch? You'll Watch, Right?

8. Send annoying texts to your friends whom you know are watching the Pro Bowl ("Ur watching the Pro Bowl, rnt u? Loser!")

9. Review your Super Bowl and Daytona menus. Scratch out "fruit salad," add "more brats."

And last but not least ...

10. One word: macramé.

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