And, no, it wasn't your doofus neighbor blowing himself up while trying to do something stupid and vaguely obscene with the $9,000 worth of fireworks he bought.
It was that moment in Dodger Stadium over the weekend when this happened.
Because, really, what says Independence Day better than a bald eagle -- the national symbol, for Thomas Jefferson's sake! -- making a break for his independence? An American eagle! Lettin' freedom ring! 'Merica!
Alas, his handlers/oppressors, completely disrespecting the glorious symbolism of the moment, caught him in the parking lot and returned him to captivity. I guess they thought he would arouse other bald eagles to similar action, like the patriots in Boston. Then they would all meet in Philadelphia to form the United States of Eagles and declare war on the Philadelphia Eagles for being rotten at football, which is about as un-American as you can get.
Or, you know, something like that.
Unfortunately, the handlers/oppressors caught the brave bird, crushing his independent spirit. Five'll get you ten at least one of them was British.
Because, you know, that's just what they do. Damn Brits.