Monday, July 11, 2016

Go forth and victimize

I saw a Diddlywhicker downtown yesterday.

Also a Hamish. And maybe a Cricklenoofer. Took 'em all out with a Foomieboomie.

Which is to say, I do not play Pokémon Go. I am only amused by it.

The Blob, to its knowledge, was the last person on Earth to find out about Pokémon Go, the interactive phone app that has taken America by storm. Basically, you use your phone to physically track imaginary creatures with silly names to familiar landmarks, after which you collect them or shoot balls at them or ... oh, hell, I don't know.

What I do know is this: Pokémon Go could be what finally gets America off its couch and restores it to a level of fitness not known since the 1950s, when young people ate wholesome food like double-decker cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate shakes and worked it off by sneaking cigarettes when their parents weren't looking. No wonder none of them died of heart attacks until they were 50!

Anyway ... suddenly people are tweeting out that their legs are sore from chasing the Creatures With Silly Names all over town. I'm guessing what comes next is a new affliction called Diddlywhicker Quad or Hamish Hammy.

And that's the upside. The downside ...

Well, it's this.  Which you have to admit is kind of genius, in a sick sort of way.

So beware, America. You may be tracking Diddlywhickers, but criminals are tracking you. And no Foomieboomie will keep them from relieving you of your wallet and valuables.

Your public service announcement for today.

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