So apparently at least three ticketholders -- one in California, one in Tennessee and one in Florida -- hit the $1.5 billion Powerball jackpot last night, so you lose, buddy. That $200 you plunked down for 100 tickets down at the Handy Dandy? Might as well have gone to the Grand Canyon and thrown it over the side.
You could have financed your Super Bowl party with that dough, or, better yet, gotten the heater fixed on your '98 Malibu. You might have even put a nice chunk down on that 52-inch flat-screen you've had your eye on for said Super Bowl party.
But, no. You went for the big payday, on account of you wanted to buy the Rams and keep them in St. Louis, just to kick Stan Kroenke and Roger Goodell in their tender parts.
See, if you'd won the whole pile, you could have bought the Rams, or seven other NFL teams. Want to buy the Browns and fire Johnny Manziel? You could have done that. You could have also bought the Bengals, Lions, Titans, Bills, Jaguars and Raiders.
Although why you would want the Jaguars or Raiders is, of course, a legitimate question.
Know what else you could have done with $1.5 billion?
According to Darren Rovell of ESPN, with the $558 million you'd have had left over after taxes, you could have sponsored every race of the NASCAR season and put your face on every car and every firesuit. Or, you know, Dale Earnhardt's face. How cool would that have been, the Intimidator's smirk and mirrored sunglasses on the hood of every single car in the field as they came to the green?
You can hear almost hear Dale Sr. chuckling, can't you?
Other stuff you could have bought, according to Forbes: Any of the 30 NHL franchises, including BOTH the Capitals and Penguins. How awesome would that have been, owning both Sid the Kid and Alex Ovechkin? You could have swapped them back and forth between the two teams every other year if you wanted; owners have done crazier things, like moving a garbage NFL franchise back to a place that barely supported good NFL franchises.
Or if you're more into baseball, you could have owned any Major League Baseball franchise except the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers, Giants and Cubs. You could have owned the Royals, the World Series champs! Or the Mets, who played the Royals in the World Series! Or teams with richer, longer and more iconic histories, like the Pirates or the Reds!
I mean, Marge Schott once owned the Reds. It's not like the bar's set real high.
And think how much your dog would have liked Great American Ballpark!