Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Non-event of the year

Tonight is the Pro Bowl Draft, and what that tells us is America is way too easily amused these days,  and also that we're only four days away from the actual Pro Bowl. That means you have only 96 or so hours to make other plans, which might or might not include binge-watching your favorite classic TV shows on Netflix.

Derek Carr or multiple sightings of Burgess Meredith in "The Twilight Zone": Decisions, decisions.

Or, no decision, because, let's face it, no one cares about the Pro Bowl, not even the sad sacks who actually wind up watching it. Heck, the guys who are picked to play in it don't even care about it, which is how we wind up with the whole Derek Carr-vs.-Burgess Meredith dilemma.

Derek Carr will play because most of the quarterbacks selected to play in the Pro Bowl have fled it the way Tom Brady tried to flee the Denver pass rush, only more successfully. Russell Wilson, it turns out, is the only quarterback actually selected who's going to play. Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger, Carson Palmer, Philip Rivers, Drew Brees: All of them said, "Nah, I'm good."

Which leaves the Pro Bowl in the hands of Carr, Eli Manning, Tyrod Taylor, Teddy Bridgewater and Jameis Winston, quarterback-wise. Bonus points if you can actually name the teams for whom all of those guys play.

This means that, if you are one of the sad sacks who actually tune in, you not only get The Greatest Spectacle In Groin-Pull Avoidance -- Look how adroitly those running backs and wide receivers tiptoe across the greensward, trying not to jeopardize their next contract extension! -- you get The Greatest Spectacle In Understudy-itis. For those old-school enough, it's kind of like tuning into the 1967 Pro Bowl and seeing Jack Concannon instead of Johnny Unitas.  Or Bill Munson subbing for Roman Gabriel.

Me, I'll take Burgess Meredith. And Rod Serling peering at me from beneath those eyebrows, cigarette burning quietly between his fingers.

Submitted for your approval ... 

Or, you know, not.        

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