... because, you know, if he did, he'd be starting in place of Jay Cutler.
Instead it's Jimmy Clausen who's been thrust into the ever-widening breach in Chicago, and Cutler goes to the bench after devolving this season from a man on the cusp of a breakout season to the Dunkin' Donuts of quarterbacks. As in, nobody serves up more delicious hot turnovers.
He's turned it over 24 times this season, tops in the NFL, and after the latest dismal showing he's suffered the ultimate indignity: Being benched for a guy who has gone the way of most Notre Dame quarterbacks in the NFL. Which is, hardly any way at all.
Clausen isn't much but he's all the Bears have, and there is some solace there. Just in time for the holidays, Clausen-for-Cutler offers up a fun parlor game to while away the idle hours.
The name of the game is "Finish This Sentence." The sentence in question begins "The Chicago Bears have benched Jay Cutler and will start Jimmy Clausen against the Lions ..."
... because, oh, hell, why not?
... because their season is over and they didn't have a white flag handy, so they made do with Clausen.
... because the Bears are great fans of cruel jokes, and what could be crueler than benching a man from Santa Claus, In., a week before Christmas?
... because the Lions' pass-rushing terror, Ndamukong Suh, is on a diet, and Clausen has fewer calories than Cutler.
And last but not least:
... because, no, Bobby Douglass wasn't available. Or Larry Rakestraw. Or Gary Huff. Or Vince Carter, Vince Evans,Vince Vaughan or Vincent Price.