Get that weak history outta here

 ... or to put it another way: "The Spirit of  '04 Cryin' Out Loud."

History and symmetry and the pleasing storyline, they all fell down and went boom last night in Boston. This is what happens when the script writers go out on strike.

Had they not been walking the picket lines out there in Hollywood, see, they'd have had the Celtics completing the reverse-sweep in Game 7 against the Heat. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown, the dynamic duo, would have been cast as GOATs instead of goats. Johnny Damon and Curt Schilling and Big Papi, all the 2004 Red Sox heroes, would have been in attendance to see the Celts duplicate their historic comeback from three-games-to-none down against the Yankees in the '04 ALCS.

Instead ... 

Well, instead, Game 7 looked like this: Heat 103, Celtics 84.

Get that weak s*** outta here, history. Deja whoops, and all that.

How the Celtics could be such a no-show in a Game 7 in their own house -- especially in this Game 7 -- is a mystery better left to philosophers and mystics, I suppose. But it happened.

Heat 103, Celtics 84 happened. Jayson and Jaylen bricking a combined 36 of 49 shots (including 13 of 15 three-point attempts) happened. The Celts shooting a horrendous 9-of-42 from three-point, and 32-of-82 from everywhere, happened.

That's 21.4 percent and 39 percent, respectively, if you're doing the math. They might as well have been shooting bowling balls instead of basketballs, or throwing darts at a wallet photo of King George III from a half-mile off. In the middle of a nor'easter.

And this after the Celtics lost the first three games of the series and, like their spiritual brethren over in Fenway, improbably emerged from the grave.

The Heat baked them like an apple pie in the first three games, and then the Celtics won the next three, the first two by 17 and 13 points. In Game 6, Derrick White's putback at the horn sent it back to Boston for Game 7 and seemed to affirm that the Celtics were as destined as those '04 Sox.

And then ...

And then the Boston Massacre, NBA division.

Jimmy Butler became Playoff Jimmy again, dropping 28 on the Destineds. Caleb Martin added 26 and 10 rebounds. Bam Adebayo had a double-double, 12 and 10. Duncan Robinson came off the bench to score 10. The Heat shot 50 percent from three-point (14-of-28), outrebounded Boston 49-40, made seven steals, forced 15 turnovers -- eight of them from Jaylen Brown.

I am not a Celtics fan (or a Heat fan), but I can imagine what they were all thinking last night, watching this. I figure it's one of three things.

1. "Cripes, if you were gonna lose, whyncha just lose three games ago and get it over with?"

2. "Larry 'n' them woulda nevah cratered like this in a Game 7 in the Gahden. Ne-vah."

And, of course, last but not least:

3. "Well, at least it wasn't the Yankees."