News from Bowlville

It's Bowl Week in college football, boys and girls, which does not mean what it used to mean back in the day, because they play the Cotton Bowl on the second-to-last-day of the year now and the College Football Playoff has co-opted the rest of the traditional New Year's Day bowls, which are down to two.

Only one of which is allowed to call itself by its real name this year.

That would be the Sugar Bowl, which is also the CFP semifinal game pitting Clemson against some team that only played six games this year. The Ohio State Buckeyes won 'em all, though, which constitutes a playoff-worthy season in stupid 2020.

And the other semifinal?

Well, that would be the Can't Call It The Rose Bowl Due To Contractual Considerations, which they're playing in Dallas this year on account of the Bastard Plague. That's why they can't officially call it the "Rose Bowl," even though it is the Rose Bowl.

Notre Dame loses to Alabama in that one.

Wait, did I say "loses to"? I meant "plays". Plays Alabama. Understandable slip of the tongue, given that everyone in America expects the Crimson Tide to pound the Notre Dames into odd shapes and sizes.

What that means, of course, is the thing will either go four overtimes, or Notre Dame will do one of those Notre Dame things and Shock The World. I can hear Tom Clements and Robin Weber chuckling already at such a deliciously obvious setup.

Meanwhile, in other Exciting Bowl News ...

* Speaking of the Cotton Bowl, Oklahoma pounded Florida last night like a railroad spike, 55-20, which it turns out wasn't much of an achievement. The Gators, after all, were missing so many players -- 25 -- they could have legitimately (and likely should have) not played the game.  But the kids still present for duty wanted to play, so they played.

Among those who didn't were the Gators' three top receivers and star tight end Kyle Pitts. Pitts and two of the receivers decided to forego the bowl game to prepare for the NFL Draft, apparently having decided they'd made enough dough for the UF athletic department. The third wideout was a Bastard Plague casualty.

Once upon a time, when the Cotton Bowl was one of the Big Four New Year's Day bowls, it would have been unthinkable for anyone to voluntarily sit it out. But the teevees and the money-grubbing schools who eagerly vacuum up their dollars made the Cotton a warmup act years ago. Now it's just another condiment bowl, and players devalue it because everyone else has.

Hoist by their own petard, I believe this is called.

* Speaking of condiment bowls ...

They played the Duke's Mayo Bowl yesterday, which happened a day after the Cheez-It Bowl. Which means all we needed was an Oscar Mayer Bologna Bowl and we'd have had lunch.

Seriously, though, the Duke's Mayo Bowl has been an integral part of the bowl scene for, I don't know, five minutes or so, and so little wonder Wisconsin was geeked to win it. The trophy, one of the most hallowed in all of Sportsball World, was passed around from one gleeful Badger to the next, until the "Lenox crystal" football on top of it broke off in quarterback Graham Mertz's hand and crashed to the floor, shattering in a million pieces.

This would never happen to, say, the World Cup or the Stanley Cup, although plenty of hockey players have tried mightily over the years to break the latter. And it was quite a shock that it would happen to the trophy for the Duke's Mayo Bowl, given that it towers like the Colossus over all the other condiment bowls.

No worries, though. The Blob hears Big Lots has an excellent return program.