Monday, December 28, 2020

2020. A fond reverie.

 And now the traditional look back at the year in Sportsball, which is not traditional at all because no one wants to traditionally look back at 2020, a year that drove drunk and ran over a whole bunch of people before climbing out of the car, laughing and saying, "Why, looky here! I got me one of them presidential pardons!"

The presidential pardons of baby killers and other degenerate scum, of course, being just one of the vomit-inducing things that happened in 2020.

And so instead of the traditional look back at a year which is still stealing our childhood Sportsball icons at the 11th hour -- it took K.C. Jones and Phil Niekro over the holiday weekend -- the Blob has decided not to accord 2020 a fond look back. It has decided instead to fantasize about all the ways it would like to usher 2020 out the door:

1. Strap it to a chair in a brightly-lit room and force it to watch the New York Jets play football.

2. Strap it to a chair in a brightly-lit room full of Cleveland Browns fans and force it to listen to them wail and gnash their teeth after watching the Browns lose to the Jets.

3. Strap it to a chair in a brightly-lit room and let the ghosts of Bob Gibson and Tom Seaver throw fastballs at its head for all eternity.

4. Strap it to a chair in a brightly-lit room and force it watch Mike Tyson vs. Roy Jones for all eternity.

5. Dress it up as a Tampa Bay Rays executive and make it defend trading Blake Snell.

6. Dress it up as a college football executive and stick a red-hot poker in its eye until it admits it screwed Indiana out of a New Year's Day bowl just because it was Indiana.

7. Eject it into space along with Grayson Allen, on account of Grayson Allen is still a thorough-going punk.*

(*See: Tripping Trae Young in an NBA game the other day. Same old Grayson.)

8. Let 2020 hang around until January 20 and eject it into space along with Our Only Available Outgoing President.

9. Send Crazy Rudy and Crazy Sidney Powell along for the ride.

And last but not least ...

10. Make it spend all eternity listening to Jets' fans  bitch and moan about their STUPID FOOTBALL TEAM which decided to win a couple of worthless games NOW and blow the top pick in the draft.

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