Boiled alive

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but last night he was undercover. Last night he wore gold and black and a huge fake head with creepy lifeless eyes, and he was lugging around a big-ass hammer.

You know about the hammer, Virginia. Santa -- aka, Purdue Pete -- went right upside your head with it.

Purdue Pete got you down there in Mackey Arena with a whole pile of his gold-and-black pals, and they made the place loud like few places get loud -- kinda like being inside a big kettle drum when they get going, isn't it, Virginia? -- and they impressed upon you the value of clinging obsessively to bitter memories.

Now, some people would say that's not a healthy way to be, holding fast to a past that curdles your insides. And those people are probably right.

I mean, look how unhealthy it was for you, Virginia.

You came in 7-0, ranked fifth in one poll and second in another. And you left in sandwich bags.

The final was 69-40, and, no, that wasn't a misprint. That was Purdue doing to you, Virginia, what you usually do to other folks.

Which is, squeeze the life out of you.

 The Boilermakers took away your outside game, took away your inside game, took "whatever they wanted away from us," according to your coach, Tony Bennett. You shot 37.2 percent, and missed 20 of your 24 3-point attempts. And you turned it over 16 times.

On the other end, meanwhile ...

Well, a benchie named Sasha Stefanovic lit you up for 20. Jahaad Proctor added 16, four rebounds and four steals. Matt Haarms, the big galoot in the middle, had 11 points, five rebounds, three assists and a clutch of altered shots on the defensive end.

It's only early December, so hard telling what any of this actually means. It could mean you, Virginia, are not what you were last year, which is demonstrably true. It could also mean Purdue is a work in progress that made a heck of a lot of progress in one night.

But what it definitely means?

It means these Purdue people don't forget easily, unhealthy or not.

Eight months later, Matt Painter and the rest of  'em still have nightmares about the way you knocked the Boilers out in the Elite Eight in March, because it was completely ridiculous. Purdue had this one in the bag when Ty Jerome missed a free throw with under six seconds left, but the miss ricocheted clear to midcourt. Virginia point guard Kehei Clark tracked it down there (four seconds ... three ... two ...), chucked it back upcourt to Mamadi Diakite (one ...), and Diakite flung up a prayer that beat the buzzer and somehow dropped down the well.

Overtime. Where, of course, you won, Virginia.

You've still got Kehei Clark and Mamadi Diakite, by the way.

Know what they did last night?

Clark finished with two points and three turnovers.

Diakite had 10 points and four turnovers.

Man. I bet that hammer really hurt, Virginia.