And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the toothsome Blob feature of which critics have said, "My, this is toothsome!", and also "Ow! I just broke a tooth on this feature!":
1. "Hey! We were just shooting a documentary, not spying on the Bengals, our next opponent!" (The New England Patriots)
2. "Yeah, surrrre." (Everyone else in America)
3. "Hey, quit calling us spoiled asshats! We were booing the refs, not our 10-2 football team that has given us six Super Bowl titles and 16 divisional titles in the last 18 years!" (Spoiled asshat New England Patriots fans)
4. "Yeah, surrrre." (Everyone else in America)
5. It's Tuesday morning and Jameis Winston just completed another pass.
6. Correction: It's Tuesday morning and the Colts secondary just let Jameis Winston complete another pass.
7. Bears win! Bears wi--
8. Ah, shoot. It's only the Cowboys.
9. In other NFC East news, the NFL has decided to ship the entire division to England.
10. "Oh, great! Another condemned property! You bloody Americans are never going to get over that taxation-without-representation thing, are you?" (England)
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