And now a festive Christmas Eve edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature that will kiss you under the mistletoe, incurring a sexual harassment lawsuit and making him think "What the hell is mistletoe and WHY THE HELL DID I PUT IT UP??":
1. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house ...
2. ... all the smart guys were saying "Lamar Jackson is STILL never ever ever infinity going to be a successful NFL quarterback!"
3. When what to my wondering eyes should appear ...
4. ... but Mitch and the Bears and three really small points.
5. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care ...
6. ... in hopes that the Lions would win a freaking game already.
7. And laying a finger aside of his nose ...
8. ... Tom Brady said "Dang, where's Gronkowski, this stuff really blows!"
9. And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight ...
10. ... "Merry Christmas to all, and, good god, did Drew Brees just throw ANOTHER touchdown pass?"
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