Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Today's conspiracy theories, Olympic division

The Blob loves its grassy knoll. It's green, it's shady, and Elvis lives there, occasionally taking target practice with various shadowy figures who've managed to dodge the light of history, but whom we all know are there anyway. Or were, at critical times.

Anyway ... this brings us to the Rio Olympics. Some weird stuff is going on.

For instance, the best women's tennis player in the world, Serena Williams, lost with unbecoming suddenness in Olympic tennis, joining the best men's player in the world, Novak Djokovic, who also lost with unbecoming suddenness. I'm sure this has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that it's August 10, and the U.S. Open starts in 19 days. Not at all.

Excuse me. This coughing, it just came on all of a sudden.

While I recover, let's rewind the tape and watch Katie Ledecky win the 200 free again, and Michael Phelps win the 200 butterfly. Ledecky still has never lost an event in international competition. Phelps, meanwhile, is 31 years old and now has 21 Olympic gold medals. Katie Ledecky was a toddler the first time he swam in the Olympics, in Sydney in 2000. That's so long ago unconfirmed reports indicate the venue where Phelps first competed is now a retention pond.

At any rate, I'm sure none of this means both he and Ledecky are cyborgs sent back by the Terminators as advance scouts. Of course it doesn't. That's just silly, like all this talk about something called "Skynet."

Although my TV signal scrambled a few times while both Ledecky and Phelps were swimming last night. But I'm sure that was just a coincidence. I mean, really. Skynet? 

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