Friday, August 12, 2016

Nicked names

And now we hit pause on Rio for a second, even as Michael Phelps, cyborg, wins a 22nd gold medal, and Simone Manuel makes history by becoming the first African-American woman ever to win an Olympic gold medal in swimming, and Simone Biles does what everyone in the world knew she was going to do, which is win the all-around in women's gymnastics.

More momentous doings are afoot.

They come out of Las Vegas, Nevada, today, where apparently the NHL is about to suffer an even more momentous fail than putting a professional hockey team in Las Vegas. Reports out of Sin City indicate the name-the-team search is down to three, and none of the three is  likely to elicit excited cries of "Cool!" from any known constituency.

The names, we're told, are Red Hawks, Desert Hawks or Nighthawks.

Zzzz, zzzzz and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Seriously, folks. You're going down the well-trodden Hawks path? Why not just call them the Lions? Or the Tigers? Or something else similarly generic?

I mean, you couldn't even consider the Las Vegas Moe Green's Eyes, in honor of that scene in "Godfather II" where Vegas mobster Moe Green gets shot in the eye?

Vegas deserves something as outlandishly off-kilter, being Vegas. Something-Hawks? That's what you name the high school teams in Mayberry.

 Really, people. It's like you're not even trying.

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