Thursday, August 25, 2016

Fun at the old corporate shill park

And here I thought the Yum! Center was dumb.

Now comes word that U.S. Cellular Field, which used to be Comiskey Park on the south side of Chicago, has doubled down on shameless corporate shilling. It's the Cell no more; now it's Guaranteed Rate Field.

Excuse me, but ... Guaranteed Rate Field??

Yes, that certainly evokes warm summer days taking in the National Pastime in a haven of exquisite greenness. Minoso, Konerko, Sale and Duane From Accounting. Balls, strikes, dingers and Press 9 Or Stay On The Line For The Next Available Sales Representative.

You'd be hard-pressed to come up with a less romantic (or more nakedly corporate) name for so gauzily romantic an American venue as a ballpark. At least the Yum! Center in Louisville, while unrelievedly stupid, is about fried chicken. But Guaranteed Rate Field?

What are fans supposed to call it? The Rate? The Griff? The Duane?

I can't wait until someone names a ballpark Everything Must Go Field. Or Sub-Prime Lending Field. Or Investment Banker's Life Of Luxury Field.

Look! Robin Ventura's signaling the bullpen for his financial planner!

Something like that.

Or how about this, speaking of names?

Being the incorrigible subversive I am, I think the fans should go retro on whoever Guaranteed Rate is. I think they should return to the days of yesteryear, when men were men, women were women and ballparks were named for greedy skinflint owners instead of greedy skinflint mega-corporations.

I think White Sox fans should start calling the place "Comiskey" again.

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