Monday, August 8, 2016

Paint 1, NFL 0

And so the cry went up from Canton, Ohio, last night, a desperate plea for aid and comfort, and perhaps just general relief: "Is Benjamin Moore in the house?"

OK, OK. So we jest.

But that was some glorious fubar, the NFL losing out to a paint job in the Hall of Fame preseason game. First it's discovered that the paint on the logos at midfield and in the end zone had dried as hard as concrete, meaning players' cleats couldn't penetrate it; then, when maintenance crews tried to melt it, it also melted the rubber pellets in the Field Turf surface. So they just scrubbed the mission. The Packers and Colts would have to settle for a meet-and-greet with the fans instead of the anticipated, and more violent, meet-and-greet they'd been planning on.

Look, I get it. It's an embarrassment for the NFL, losing to paint. It messes up the timetable in Green Bay and Indianapolis, and gives the coaching staffs one fewer opportunity to evaluate what they have.

But on the other hand, it's not that much of an embarrassment. I mean, let's face it, it's a preseason game, and NFL preseason games are the equivalent of (yes, I'm going there) watching paint dry. And to be honest, paint could win all of them and no one would care except for the sad cases who can't wait to see what their backup left tackle looks like.

In fact ... given how much most NFL players, or at least the veterans, loathe preseason games, I'm guessing there's an unusual number of phone calls coming in this morning to whoever manufactured the paint used in Canton. Just sayin'.

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