I mean, who wouldn't want to be a guy who plays for the Miami Marlins, and whose name isn't Babe Ruth or Ted Williams or Joe DiMaggio or Roberto Clemente (or Ty Cobb or Willie Mays or ... well, you get the idea)?
Giancarlo Stanton isn't any of those guys. He's just Giancarlo Stanton.
And yet, because he is, he'll now be making $325 million over the next 13 years, according to the contract he just signed. And how much is $325 million, exactly?
Well. For perspective's sake (and just to make you curse and throw things and wonder who the hell Giancarlo Stanton thinks he is), the Blob will break it down -- with a huge assist from my friend and former colleague Steve Warden, who calculated most of these:
* Stanton will be making $154,568 per game, and, based on four plate appearances per game, $38,642 per plate appearance.
* Every time he goes down swinging on three pitches in one of those plate appearances, he'll make $13,000 per swing and miss.
* If he's a generous guy by nature, he could give away $10 per minute for the next 61 years, 304 days before running out of dough.
* And, finally, for you geography fans: If Stanton took all $325 million in ones and then laid them end-to-end, they'd cover 31,115 miles. That's enough to circle the Earth at the equator and still have enough left over to stretch from Las Vegas to Rome.
Or Rome to Las Vegas, if you'd like to drop a few bucks at the blackjack table. Or a lot of bucks.