And now this week's installment of The NFL In So Many Words, a Blob feature that's been hailed as "a sensation that's sweeping the nation" and "a plattah that mattahs" by critics who clearly have mistaken it for something else:
1. Stop it, Odell Beckham Jr. Just stop it.
2. You skywalking, football-glomming, human-fly-son-of-a-Marvel-superhero, you.
3. Hey, look, everybody! The Seahawks are back!
4. What do you say about that, Marshawn Lynch?
6. Meanwhile, in Chicago, the Bears beat Tampa Bay.
7. (A public service for fans of Teams That Are Technically Still Playing).
8. Meanwhile, in Detroit, the final score was Bills 38, Jets 3. Or, if you're a Jets fan: Bills 38, Jets 3, Why Couldn't It Have Snowed A Little More And Buried Rex Ryan Alive, 2.5 million.
9. What do you say about that, Marshawn Lynch?