Thursday Night Foofball

 I watched a movie last night, rather than Thursday Night Football.

This was not a conscious boycott on my part, even though I think making NFL teams play two games in four days amounts to workforce abuse. Even though a couple of weeks ago it became Thursday Night Brain Trauma when Tua Tagovailoa was reduced to a twitching mass of synapses on national TV.

I watched a movie last night because the Colts were playing the Broncos, and I guessed it would be awful football. This is because neither team can get out of its own way right now. Also the coaching matchup, Frank Reich vs. Nathaniel Hackett, was not exactly Shula vs. Lombardi.

Well, I was wrong.

Turns out it wasn't awful football. It was supremely awful football.

Kept seeing social media posts from people about just how supremely awful it was, and all I could think was, "Then why are you still watching?" In the end, the Colts "won" 12-9, with neither team scoring a touchdown. It even went overtime to enhance either the viewing experience or the cruelty, it's hard to say which. 

Me?

I was watching "Elysium," a "meh" dystopian action flick with Matt Damon and Jodi Foster playing against type as an evil fascist bureaucrat (She really nailed it). The film itself wasn't all that good, but at least Matt Damon didn't go for it on fourth down from the 5 in OT instead of kicking the chippie to tie it.

It was the Broncos' Hackett who did that, unaccountably dialing up a pass play on fourth-and-a-foot. Russell Wilson of course threw an incompletion, and the Broncos left with an L instead of a T-for-tie.

This morning I looked at the stats, and they were still giving off a stench. Between them, the two teams went 0-for-6 in the red zone. They were a combined 6-of-31 on third down. Wilson threw two picks and was sacked four times; Matt Ryan threw two picks and was sacked six times.

Throw in 15 penalties between them, and this was Thursday Night Foofball at its finest.

It was two really bad football teams going at it under the Thursday night lights, and making America wish it could have turned the lights off. One of those teams (the Colts) is somehow 2-2-1 now, and, because it plays in the spectacularly underwhelming AFC South, might somehow jack around and make the playoffs. 

Me? 

If that happens, I might opt for another movie instead. 

"Blazing Saddles" is on one of my streaming feeds right now. At least with Gabby Johnson, I'd get some authentic frontier gibberish.