Welcome to the Madness

 This is what you call in sick for, what you eat wings and drink beer at straight-up noon for, what you fill out a bracket for and then say, "Aw, hell, I knew the Tar Heels were a buncha mids this year. Why'd I pick 'em?"

Welcome to the Madness, boys and girls. Welcome to -- maybe, possibly -- the two best days of the year.

That would be the Thursday and Friday that kick off the NCAA Tournament, also known as the Burn Your Bracket Zone. This is because sometime on one of those days, and frequently on both, some trust-fund baby seed goes down to some wannabe from the sticks.

Usually, it's a 12-seed taking out a 5-seed. Because 12-over-5 has become one of those immutable March Madness laws of nature, like the Big Ten, SEC and ACC always getting eleventy-hundred teams in the show, even if occasionally some of them are Northwestern or Mississippi State.

At any rate, 12-over-5 is a tournament talisman, and, hey, guess what? We didn't go two hours until it happened yesterday.

Come on down, you High Point (N.C.) Panthers!

Who sent big-deal Wisconsin to the sidelines in the first slate of games, 83-82, a more-than-usual shocker mainly because Wisconsin came to March on something of a roll. Won five of their last six games, the Badgers did, finally losing to top-seeded (and NCAA Tournament 1-seed) Michigan by a measly three points.

But High Point, the proud champions of the Big South Conference, sent Wisky back to Madison on a late layup. Boom!

No other 12-over-5s happened on Thursday, but a couple of 11s-over-6s did, and that's almost as good. Texas took down BYU, and -- perhaps more notably -- plucky Virginia Commonwealth upset the aforementioned North Carolina Tar Heels. Came from 19 points down to win in overtime, 82-78, and hooray for the, um, Commonwealthers.

(No, that's not VCU's nickname. Its nickname is the Rams. Clip and save for your next round of sports bar trivia.)

Other than that ...

Wait, what?

Oh, man, I almost forgot!

How 'bout those mighty 16th-seeded Siena Saints, everyone?

Who, OK, wound up losing to overall top seed Duke, but only by six, 71-65. Before that, the fightin' Saints scared the pedigree out of the Blue Devils, leading by 11 at halftime and by 13 early in the second half. They continued to lead until just 4:25 remained, when Isaiah Evans drove hard to the iron and laid it in to finally put Duke in front.

Ah, well. On to today.

See ya at noon. Wings and beer on me.

Play-in payback

 Because I am a retired newspaper guy who is occasionally hijacked by his inner 8-year-old, I came up with the perfect headline for Miami (O.)'s ten-point win over SMU in Dayton last night.

"Nyah, Nyah, Nyah-Nyah Nyah" is what I would have stripped across the top of the game story. Editorial balance be hanged.

I would have done this because Miami caught a raft of grief from various shady network analysts (Come on down, Bruce Pearl!) and slide-rule dudes, who determined the 31-1 RedHawks were a fraud who had no business in the NCAA Tournament. The RedHawks' strength of schedule -- as determined either by Quad 1 wins or quad pulls, I can't remember which -- was down there with Popeye the Sailor Man, pre-spinach. Beat a lot of Dog's Breakfast States and Bricklayer A&Ms to pile up those 31 wins.

Me?

I thought that was a pile of its own, and not a fragrant one. I figured any MAC school that went 31-1 damn well deserved a role in the Big Show, on account of MAC schools have a long history of jumping up and whipping their betters in said Show.

The selection committee apparently agreed, although with some reluctance. Yeah, the bracketeers let Miami in, but only in the play-in games. To get in the actual tournament, the RedHawks would have to beat the Mustangs, who play in the hoity-toity ACC and thus were installed as 6.5-point favorites.

Well, nyah, nyah nyah-nyah -nyah. Miami won 89-79 and was rarely challenged, never trailing after going on a 14-2 run in the middle part of the second half. SMU led 49-48 at the beginning of that run; it was the only lead the Mustangs had in the second half.

The RedHawks rode 16 threes to the W, their most ever in an NCAA Tournament game. Their 89 points were the most a Miami team had scored in the Madness in 68 years. 

"The reason people love March Madness is they love to see quote, unquote, upsets," Miami coach Travis Steele said when it was done. "This wasn't an upset tonight, at all."

Indeed not. And speaking of non-upsets ...

Let's hear it out there for the Howard University Bison, who were not upset at all about winning THEIR play-in game Tuesday to advance to the first round of Da Tournament for the first time in school history.

I bring this up because occasionally my inner Civil War nerd wrestles the steering wheel away from my inner 8-year-old, and therefore I say, go, Howard. This is because Howard, a historically black research school, was founded in 1867 by Oliver Otis Howard, a Union general in the Civil War who lost an arm at Fair Oaks but went on to become one of his side's more competent combat generals. 

This is despite the fact he's been unfairly maligned for being asleep at the switch at Chancellorsville, when his Eleventh Corps crumbled before an overwhelming surprise flank attack by Stonewall Jackson. That no one else saw Jackson coming either seems not to have altered the Union Army's perception that the Eleventh Corps -- and thus Howard -- let them down.

Well, phooey on that. 16-seed Howard takes on 1-seed Michigan tonight in the first round of the Madness. I don't see any Joe Hooker or Ulysses S. Grant U.'s doing that, do you?

So there.

'Dog show

 Baseball is our game, Walt Whitman once wrote, but he never saw what happened in Miami last night. He never heard a bunch of scrappy underdogs -- because aren't underdogs always "scrappy"? -- singing, shouting, howling "Gloria Al Bravo Pueblo" into the south Florida night as if it were, I don't know, "The Star-Spangled Banner" or something.

"Gloria Al Bravo Pueblo", you see, is the Venezuelan national anthem. And that's what a bunch of weeping, hugging Venezuelan baseball players were singing at the end of Venezuela 3, USA 2.

Turned the championship game of the World Baseball Classic into a 'dog show, the Venezuelans did. As in, "underdog show."

The Americans were supposed to win last night, transforming what is frankly America's Passed Time into America's Pastime again. But, just as in 2023, they lost 3-2 in the title game. Three years ago to Japan; last night to the Venezuelans.

Which suggests America the Great Exporter has done a bang-up job of exporting one of its most cherished cultural treasures.

And the hugging and crying  and belting out of their national anthem by the Venezuelans?

Well, that suggested something else.

"This country needs this happiness with all the things that we've gone through," said designated hitter Eugenio Suarez, who delivered the go-ahead RBI double in the ninth inning.

And, yes, everyone knew what he meant, or at least every Venezuelan did. Assigning political motives to an athletic contest is often the most lazy of cliches, but it's impossible to view Venezuela-USA solely through the lens of runs, hits and runners left on base. Not after the United States spent months violating Venezuela's sovereignty, killing its citizens and waylaying its shipping. 

Culminating, of course, with the raid that kidnapped Venezuela's admittedly vile gangster  Nicolas Maduro, and whisked him off to the U.S. -- for the crime, essentially, of denying America access to  Venezuela's oil.

Now a new regime is installed that may or may not play ball with America's own Regime,  and may or may not survive without resorting to Maduro-esque brutality. In any event, it's welcome to more instability for another South American country.

So, yes. Venezuela needed this happiness, as Suarez said. And if winning a baseball game is pale business compared to getting kicked around geopolitically by a perceived bully, it was at least, for one night, a sliver of payback.

Gloria Al Bravo Pueblo 1, The Star-Spangled Banner 0. For one night, anyway.

Meanwhile, in soccer ...

 The World Cup is coming to America this summer, and, as with so much in these fraught and lunatic days, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Inviting the world to come to a nation that fears and despises most of the world will do this to a guy.

In our post-funny farm reality, after all, "America First," is little more than shorthand for "America Says (Bleep) All Y'all." This is especially true right now of Iran, which the U.S. and Israel are currently bombing back to the Stone Age for fun and profit.

Here's the thing, though: Iran's soccer team has duly qualified for the World Cup. It's on the World Cup schedule. Its first two games are against New Zealand and Belgium in Los Angeles.

However.

However, now that we've attacked Iran, and Iran has retaliated, Iran's participation in the World Cup has become problematical. An Iran sports official has already said the team shouldn't compete at all.  And our very own Fearless Leader, Donald John "Do What We Say Or We'll Kill You" Trump, has said it would be a good idea if Iran's team stayed home because the U.S. can't guarantee its safety.

Not, "We'll do everything in our power to ensure the Iranian team has a safe, enjoyable tournament." No, sir. Instead, it's,"We can't guarantee the Iranian team's safety."

Which suggests pretty strongly the U.S. wouldn't put a lot of effort into trying to.

Now, that might be a tad unfair. And it's probably too much to say it's tantamount to inviting every flag-draped wack job in America to consider the Iranian soccer team a target of opportunity. More likely, Fearless Leader, as is his habit, simply didn't consider all the consequences of his words.

On the other hand ...

On the other hand, he's so far around the bend now he's forgotten there ever was a bend. So who knows?

In any event, the Iranians' latest solution, rather than staying home altogether, is to get FIFA to move the Iranians' group games to Mexico, whose government seems to at least have retained a modicum of sanity. This would be unprecedented barely three months before the start of play, and indeed FIFA seems to disinclined to do so.

The safe bet right now: FIFA won't move the games, and the Iranians won't come. As someone who spent the balance of his working life observing the healing power of athletic competition (at least sometimes), I find this dismaying -- if hardly surprising in this case.

Healing, after all, doesn't seem to be on anyone's agenda these days. Only smashing things up.

Bracketology ... ology

 So Selection Sunday is over, and now we know what's what in the coming Madness. Which means, sharpen up those pencils so you can pick Siena to knock out overall 1-seed Duke in the very first round.

(I'm kidding, of course. Duke won't lose until the Sweet Sixteen, when the Blue Devils lose to upset-minded Northern Iowa.)

Anyway, the bracket is bracketed, or something, and I must say there are travesties, as usual. Poor Auburn, a glittering hidden gem of a .500 team, didn't get in, which left Bruce Pearl all grumpy. And while the selection committee begrudgingly let 31-1 Miami (O.) into the show, it's making the RedHawks have to win a play-in game against SMU to really get in. 

(Which, all kidding aside, really is a travesty. Not when the sixth-place team in Conference USA gets in free and clear, and also the third-place team in the CAA and the fifth-place team from the SoCon.)

(Those would be Kennesaw State, Hofstra and Furman, respectively. Kennesaw lost 13 games, Hofstra 10 and Furman 12. Hofstra and Furman have cool nicknames, though -- the Pride and the Paladins, respectively -- so I can't hate on 'em too much. Plus one of my favorite authors, the late Pat Conroy, a point guard at The Citadel, played against Furman back in the day.)

"What's with all the parentheses, Mr. Blob?" you're saying now.

Beats me. I just start writing and stuff happens.

"Also, are you EVER gonna mention Purdue, for God's sake?" you're also saying.

Yes, I suppose we should get around to that.

That's because the Purdues rose from the dead last week to win the Big Ten tournament, kicking No. 1 seed Michigan's high-falutin' behinds from stem to stern in the title game. The Boilers won 80-72, never looking back -- well, almost never -- after breaking a halftime tie and leading by as many as 14 points in the second half. 

Oscar Cluff (21 points) and Trey Kaufman-Renn (20), suddenly absolute beasts down low, put a hurtin' on Michigan's gargantuan front line. Braden Smith put up a stat line for the ages -- 14 points, five rebounds, 11 assists, three steals a block and zero, zippo, nada turnovers -- and running mate Fletcher Loyer added 14 points, four boards and five dimes of his own.

And before you ask ...

No, I don't know what's gotten into the Purdues, but it's powerful stuff. They blew through four opponents in four days, none of them one-possession final scores. If I had to guess, I'd say head coach Matt Painter said one of two things to them prior to heading for Chicago:

1. "OK, guys. It's time to quit screwing around."

2. "OK, guys. We've kidnapped all your parents and are making them eat dorm food. NOW will you quit screwing around?"

In any case, Purdue enters the Madness playing impeccable basketball, and it was rewarded with the 2-seed in the West Regional. The Purdues play the Blob's favorite no-hoper Queens University in the first round, then would likely have to wade through either Miami (Fla.) or Missouri, Gonzaga and Arizona to get the Final Four. 

Some people think that means the selection committee did the Boilers dirty again. The Blob figures Purdue was possibly looking at a 4-seed going into the Big Ten tournament, so the Boilers should take their 2-seed and be thankful for it. Plus, it stands to reason to get to the Final Four you're going to have to beat a heavyweight or two at some point, so what else is new?

"How about that favorite no-hoper thing?" you're saying now.

Well, yes, I still love my Royals, especially Rex the Royal, their fuzzy lion-thing mascot with the battered crown. But I can't take them over Purdue, so I've recruited an emergency backup no-hoper.

Come on down, you Siena Saints!

Who, OK, probably should have been in a play-in game instead of Miami, too, on account of they've lost 11 games and finished third in the MAAC, whatever that is. But their two best players are a Gavin and a Justice, and how do you not love that?

Gavin is Gavin Doty, a 6-5 guard from Fulton, N.Y., who leads the Saints in scoring (17.9 ppg) and rebounding (7.0 rpg). Justice is Justice Shoats, who's 5-11, hails from Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and averages 13.2 points and 4.4 assists.

The Saints are probably going to get laminated by Duke, but, then again, maybe not. I mean, it's a Saint against a Devil. And who do you like in that matchup?

So, go, you Saints. Your hometown of Loudonville, N.Y., is behind you, and all the Franciscans who run the place, and every one of your 3,500 or so undergrads. 

Also, go, Furman, you Paladins, you. And, go, California Baptist. And, go, Hofstra and Kennesaw State and High Point and Lehigh and all the other littles who every year make the Madness the Madness.

And, yes, go, Purdue.  Play hard, Boilermakers, as Gene Keady always admonished. Your  parents can only take so much Tuna Surprise from the dining service.

Boiler bounce

Well, this is not what we expected. Seems they are full of surprises, these Purdue Boilermakers.

When last seen they were dragging a two-ton anchor into the Big Ten tournament, having lost four of their previous six games -- including four straight in Mackey Arena, where opponents usually come to have their innards rearranged. The bracket bros somehow still had them a 3-seed in the Big Show, but hardly anyone not wearing black-and-gold -- and several who were -- believed it.

And then ...

Wait, what's this?

Purdue 81, Northwestern 68 in its Big Ten tournament opener game in Chicago.

Purdue 74, Nebraska 58 in the quarterfinals.

Purdue 73, UCLA 66 in the semis.

So it's Purdue vs. top-seed Michigan in the championship this afternoon, and what in the name of Braden Smith is going on here?

Well ... Braden Smith, for one thing.

Purdue's indefatigable point guard hasn't scored a whole lot -- he was just 1-of-7 against a crippled UCLA team yesterday -- but he's done some stellar point-guarding dishing 16 assists against Northwestern, 12 against Nebraska and nine more against the Bruins. That's 37 in three games if you're keeping score at home, a Big Ten tournament record.

And among those who've been prime beneficiaries of Smith's largesse?

Trey Kaufman-Renn and Oscar Cluff, who answer to the name "Purdue's inside game."

Awakened from their intermittent slumber by either the Windex gods or a few withering stares from Purdue coach Matt Painter, they've been the most obvious reason for Purdue's own re-awakening. In three tournament games, thanks primarily to TKR and Oscar, the Boilermakers have out-rebounded their opponents by 12, eight and 11 boards, respectively. That's plus-31 on the glass by the Blob's reckoning.

What else?

How about defense?

Well, again, in three tournament games, they've held their opponents to 68, 58 and 66 points, respectively. They've held Northwestern, Nebraska and UCLA to 47-of-113 shooting, or 42 percent. This is a marked improvement over their four losses prior to this week, when opponents torched the Purdues for 86 points per game on 53 percent shooting.

So there you have it. The Boilers have their bounce back -- or at least what Purdue Pete 'n' them assumed at the top of the season their bounce would look like. 

Today?

Well, today, they run into Dusty May's Michigan juggernaut, so the Boiler Bounce more than likely gets bounced.

But, hey. At least there is a Bounce again, right?

Today in names

 I don't know who's going to do what in the conference tournament semifinals and finals this weekend, which means I for sure don't know who's going to A) make the Big Show; and, B) win the Big Show.

What I do know is San Diego State has 'em all beat in one of the Blob's favorite parlor games, Awesome Names I Have Known.

The Aztecs squeezed past New Mexico 64-62 in the Mountain West semifinals yesterday, and now they'll face top seed Utah State in the finals. Utah State is 27-6 and finished 15-5 in the conference, so the Aztecs are probably going to wind up watching the Aggies hoist the championship trophy.

However.

However, you know who saved the 'Tecs yesterday, with 17 points and six rebounds off the bench in 28 minutes?

Kid named Magoon Gwath.

Magoon Gwath!

If there's a better name in all of college basketball this year than that, I've not yet come across it. Plus, he can play a bit. 

He's a 7-foot sophomore out of Euless, Texas, who averages 8.8 points and 4.2 rebounds, and he shoots just shy of 53 percent. Friday was his ninth double-figure scoring effort this season, and he's logged 20 or minutes in a dozen games. So he's well in the Aztec mix.

But, wait, tell 'em what else they've won, Johnny Olsen!

In addition to Magoon Gwath, see, San Diego State also has a player named Pharaoh on their roster.

His full handle is Pharaoh Compton, and he's a 6-7 sophomore from Chicago. Pharaoh doesn't get near the playing time Magoon does; yesterday, he logged just seven minutes and collected a couple of rebounds. 

So to sum up: A Magoon, a Pharaoh and a berth in the conference finals. How do you not root for that?