Youth is served

 Formula One racing may or may not be on your radar these days (“Formula what? Formula who?” you’re saying now), but the other day something fairly significant, and even historic, happened.

Mercedes driver Kimi Antonelli clinched the world championship.

He’s not a high school kid, But he’s not much beyond it, either.

At 20, he’s already in his third season in F1, which kinda officially makes him a prodigy. And, at 20, he’s the youngest F1 champion by a staggering three-plus years.

Know what else?

He!s also the first Italian driver to win the F1 title in 73 years.

Hard to believe? Of course it’s hard to believe.

I mean, you’d have thought Enzo Ferrari would have put fellow Italian in one of his smokin’ Italian Ferraris enough times in the 73 years to put an Italian atop F1 before now. But, nah. Hasn’t happened since 1953, when the great Alberto Ascari won the title in, yes, a Ferrari.

Ascari and Giuseppe Farina, by the way, were the only Italians to win an F1 title before Antonelli came along. Again, hard to believe.

Not anymore. Antonelli won five straight Grand Prix early in the season and nine of the first 19 to outdistance the field. He’ll likely do it again before he’s done, given what an early jump he’s gotten.

Hats off to him. And to youth, once again served.

Your Little Guy news for today

 Raise a glass this morning East Texas A&M University, a school of which you’ve never heard from a place of which you’ve never heard — Commerce, Tex., which sits northeast of Dallas pretty darn close to the Red River that separates Texas and Oklahoma.

Speaking of the latter, here’s why you should raise a glass to ET A&M:

‘Cause the Lions went up to Norman last night and beat the mighty Oklahoma University Sooners in men’s basketball.

Yes, sir. Took down the Sooners 68-64. Never trailed after the 12:59 mark of the first half. Entered the game as a 28.5-point underdog.

Which figured, because Oklahoma has an enrollment of 40,000 and had been playing D-I basketball for 118 years.

East Texas A&M has an enrollment of just over 8,000. The Lions have been D-I for just five years.

So here’s to the little guy. May he always loom large.

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 8

 And now this week’s edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the bookish Blob feature of whose many titles critics have said “Why doncha have a book titled ‘The Day This Feature Exploded In A Million Tiny Shards’”, and also “How ‘bout I drop this copy of ‘War and Peace’ on your foot?”:

1. Lil’ Jerry And The Sad, Sad Day (In which Jerry Jones watches his Dallas Cowboys blow a 14-point lead at home in the fourth quarter and lose in overtime to, oh my God, the Arizona Cardinals.)

2. Your Indianapolis Colts And The Even Sadder Day (In which the Colts, infested with dry rot, lose 42-7 to the Jaguars, prompting Colts fans to realize their season is over with nine games to play.)

3. The Hungry, Hungry Lion (In which the Detroit Lions, after much scratching and clawing, devour the NFL’s last unbeaten team, the Minnesota Vikings, which causes ancient Dolphins like Larry Csonka to cavort merrily in their Florida home.)

4. Baker And The Rainy Day (In which Baker Mayfield fails to complete a single pass but his Buccaneers beat the Atlanta Falcons anyway in a massive Florida deluge.)

5. Beware! Beware! It’s An Angry Bear!  (In which the Chicago Bears attack Seattle, devour the Space Needle, ravage the Pike Street Market and tear the Seahawks a new one on Monday Night Football, 34-17.)

6. Magic Beans? Magic Beans? (Bleep) Your Magic Beans!  (In which the Pittsburgh Steelers dine as usual on the mysteriously resurgent Cleveland Browns, knocking them down, kicking their schoolbooks into the gutter and, yes, stealing their magic beans.)

7. The Jets! The Jets! What An Awful Mess! (In which the New York Jets lost again, blowing a nine-point third quarter lead at home to the LAs Vegsas Raiders, themselves had lost four straight games.)

8. The Very Happy Bronco (In which the Denver Broncos run wild and free past rival Kansas City as the chiefs blow an 11-point lead in the fourth quarter.

9. The Very Unhappy Chief (See above.)

10. Bengal Joe And The Very Close Call (In which Joe Burrow and the Cincinnati Bengals need overtime at home to beat the, oh my God, Tennessee Titans.

Sis-boom-BLAM

 Gray Monday morning in November — is there any other kind of Monday morning in November? — and the Blob is feeling a bit nostalgic. Remember when your college won a big football game, and your first reaction was this?

Woo-hoo! My college just won a big football game! Let’s tear down the goalposts, parade them through campus and then drink until we barf!

Ah, the memories …

Now?

Now, apparently, the reaction is somewhat different.

Woo-hoo! My college just won a big college football game! Let’s grab our Glocks and go shoot somebody!

Which is what happened down on Kirkwood in Bloomington  Saturday night, after Indiana escaped unranked Minnesota in overtime to win its Homecoming game. Everyone spilled into the night to celebrate, and then, because this is now America the Insane, some lint brain pulled out his piece and started shooting.

Seven people were wounded. Thankfully no one died.

That wasn’t the case outside Legion Field in Birmingham, Ala., where, also last weekend, HBCU schools Alabama State and Alabama A&M  played the Magic City Classic, a tradition that goes back over a century.

Afterward, in the adjacent bar district, some other lint brain pulled out his piece and opened fire. One person died and eight more were wounded.

And here is where I want to shout, for the umpteen-hundredth time, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??”

I want to shout that. But I’ve found it does no good, and, besides, I already know what’s wrong.

What’s wrong is this country lost its mind over guns decades ago, and the butcher’s bill just keeps coming due. Columbine. Sandy Hook. Uvalde. Virginia Tech. A McDonald’s in California … a cafeteria in Texas … a movie theater in Aurora, Colo. … a synagogue in Pittsburgh … 

On and on. And on. And on.

Used to be people owned firearms to hunt and sport shoot and, yes, as personal protection, but it was considered bad form to parade around with them in the local Piggly Wiggly. But that was when we still had the sense God gave a goose.

Now, though, we’ve got politicians wearing AR-15 pins on their lapels next to their American flag pins. We’ve got them sending out Christmas cards — Christmas cards!  — in which the whole family is posing with military-grade ordinance, like some loony mashup of “Leave It To Beaver” and “Full Metal Jacket.” 

We’ve got open carry laws and concealed carry laws and police geared up like Seal Team Six, and masked federales disappearing people to God knows where with the full authority of the government.

The other day, instead of arresting her like a real law enforcement officer would, one of these goons sent a woman armed only with an umbrella flying six feet through the air because she was blocking a government vehicle. And half the country thought it was greatest thing they’d ever seen.

When did we become that kind of country?

When did we become a country that cheered for the bully, scooped up its Sig Sauer as casually as the car keys for a trip to the supermarket, thought it was just part of the fun to shoot people after the big game?

 When did sis-boom-bah become sis-boom-BLAM?

I don’t know. And at this point, I’m too tired and  disgusted to care much anymore.

You do you, America the Insane. Me?

Excuse the language, but I’ll just try to stay out of your crazy goddamned way.

Last gasp-ing

 Some questions for this morning, as everyone in Bloomington, In., searches for the breath they ran out of last evening …

* Is Paddy McAteer the new Keith Smart?

* Will your Indiana Hoosiers score more than two touchdowns against Bye next week?

* Did someone mistakenly leave an extra numeral off the “4” in the Hoosiers’ ranking?

And the most intriguing question of all …

* Did the Bucket game just get a lot more interesting?

I say the last because the Minnesota team Indiana needed a 60-yard field goal and overtime to escape yesterday is the same Minnesota team Purdue trucked 41-13 less than a month ago. Yeah, the Boilermakers lost  31-17  at Penn State yesterday, but they’re obviously a much better football team than the tarpaper shack they’ve been the last couple of years.

During which they lost to Curt Cignetti’s Hoosiers 66-0 and 56-3. I’m guessing it won’t be quite the same annihilation this time around.

Because, yes, this is not the same Purdue team, but it’s not the same Indiana team, either. Fernando Mendoza is no longer there to save every day with a surgical strike to Elijah Sarratt or Omar Cooper Jr.; yesterday it was backup quarterback Grant Wilson who had to do that.

Wilson came on at halftime to relieve Josh Hoover, who as knocked out of the game after taking a brutal shot to his already-injured throwing arm. So when the Golden Gophers cashed a long field goal with 19 seconds to play, it was Wilson who trotted out to pull off a miracle.

Be honest now. Is there anyone out there, no matter how much cream and crimson was pumping through their veins, who didn’t think the Hoosiers were finished?

Well, they WEREN’T.  

Because here came Wilson, immediately winging a 31-yard strike to Charlie Becker. Then he escaped a collapsing pocket to find Nick Marsh. And when the drive stalled, here came McAteer to do his Keith Smart thing.

Not with a baseline jumper, though. Oh, hell, no.

This time Indiana was 60 yards away and done like disco. Except McAteer stepped up and blasted the football straight down the pipe as time expired to force overtime.

After which (of course!) Wilson immediately threw a touchdown pass to Becker. And the Indiana D sacked the Minnesota quarterback on fourth-and-goal from the 4 to end it.

Indiana 23, Minnesota 16. And another round of last gasp-ing from what’s apparently God’s favorite football team these days, Notre Dame notwithstanding.

Cignetti joked that his Hoosiers were just trying to be entertaining, seeing how it was Homecoming and all, but he surely knows this team isn’t championship material. They’ll likely move up to third after USC clotheslined No. 2 Ohio State last night, but objectively that’s a good deal more lofty address than they should be occupying.

However …

Now they’ve got a bye week to heal up. And to refocus. And it couldn’t come at a better time.

Because you know who the Hoosiers get in two weeks?

The same USC team that beat Ohio State last night.

In other words: Buckle up.

Everything must go, Part Deux

 Quenton Nelson is a Seahawk now. DeForest Buckner is a 49er. And now …

Now the fire sale continues in Indianapolis.

Next on the block seems to be wide receiver Josh Downs, who’s already hinted he wants no part of the Colts’ long-overdue teardown. Oh, and Pro Bowl running back Jonathan Taylor, which is no surprise either because everyone figured he’d the next piece the Colts would dangle in search of more draft picks for the rebuild. 

According to ESPN, Colts owner Carlie Irsay-Gordon isn’t particularly eager to deal Taylor, but she’s willing to do so for right price. And it’s not like there’s a dearth of suitors out there willing to pay the right price.

Teams that have reached out so far include Denver, Green Bay, Minnesota, the New York Giants and Seattle — who already picked up Nelson from the Colts’ flea market.

Of those, the Seahawks and Broncos would seem to make the most sense. 

Seattle dealt Super Bowl MVP Kenneth Walker III to the Chiefs in the offseason and now have a running back room led by journeyman Emmanuel Wilson and rookie Jadarian Price out of Notre Dame. Denver’s top back, meanwhile, is J.K.Dobbins, who has 293 yards on 87 carries, an extremely beige 3.3 yards per tote.

The Broncos’ next leading rusher?

Quarterback Bo Nix with 110 yards.

So, yeah, JT — No. 2 on the Colts alltime rushing list with 8,185 yards — would be a significant upgrade. And a boost for two teams that are in the thick of the playoff hunt; the defending Super Bowl champion Seahawks are 4-3 and in second place in the NFC West, while the Broncos are 5-2 and half-a-game out of first in the AFC West.

Then again …

Then again, the Giants (5-2)  are trying to hold off the Cowboys in the NFC East, and Josh Jacobs’ legal issues — he’s been accused of beating up multiple women — might have the surging Packers (5-3 after a 1-2 start) re-evaluating their running back situation.

In any event, it’s likely the Colts locker room will be a bit emptier in the near future. And the satchel of draft picks a bit heavier.

Stay tuned.

Law and odor

 So I’ve been reading all these posts on the Magic Social Media Bullpucky Machine about the 3-year-old soccer prodigy whose parents got the police called on them because they objected to their child being pulled out of the game every time he scored, and …

Sorry. Lemme catch my breath for a second.

Anyway, as I was saying, this 3-year-old, who was playing against kids two years older, was just running rings around his elders, never giving up the ball because no one could take it from him. Then he’d score and the league officials would take him out so the other kids could, you know, touch the ball once in awhile.

I understand this. I also understand why the parents of the 3-year-old were saying he was being penalized for being too good.

But to call the cops in on it?

This is where I side with the cops.

Imagining now how that call went …

“OK, so what’s the problem here.”

“This 3-year-old and his parents are causing a disturbance, officer.”

“In what way?”

“Well, they’re complaining because their kid’s too good and it’s not fair to our kids, so he gets taken out of the game when he scores — which is ALL THE DAMN TIME, by the way — and they’re raising a ruckus about it, even though it’s the right thing to—“

(Parents of 3-year-old interrupt)

“Not fair?? How is it fair for our child to be punished just because he’s kind of a soccer savant? Where’s he supposed to play, the English Premier League? He’s already playing with kids two years older!”

“Yeah, but …” 

“Yeah, but …”

(Officers look at one another. They’re thinking how come Briscoe and Greene never had to deal with stuff like this. They’re thinking how come they can’t get the kind of calls the Adam-12 guys used to get, or — heck — even that Erik Estrada dude on “CHIPS.”)

(Finally one of  them sighs)

“OK, OK. Let’s just calm down and discuss thi—“

“But it’s NOT FAIR!”

“But it’s NOT FAIR!”

(Officer finally loses it. Inner Lenny Briscoe takes the wheel)

“OH FOR GOD’S SAKE PEOPLE IT’S KID SOCCER! NOBODY CARES! THIS AIN’T THE WORLD CUP AND YOUR KID AIN’T LIONEL MESSI!”

(Pause. Looks at parents of  3-year-old)

“Well … maybe YOUR kid is. But that’s beside the point. And that point is, we’re done here.”

(Officers turn and head back to their patrol unit. Both sets of parents cry out loudly.

“Where are you going? Aren’t you going to do something? You’re supposed to protect and to serve!”

(First officer starts to reach for his nightstick. Second officer restrains him.)

“Easy, Barney. Remember what happened at that tee-ball brawl we had to break up …”

(Barney sighs)

“OK. But this sure ain’t ‘Law and Order.’ More like ‘Law and ODOR.”

(Second officer chuckles)

“You got THAT, right, brother.”