And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature that champions frontier justice, and of which critics have said "That's not justice! That's just MEAN!", and also "You ain't no Bill Hickok! I knowed Bill Hickok, and you ain't him!":
1. "Look, Hiram, Bobby Wagner just laid out the Olympic torchbearer! That's just MEAN!" (America, watching the Rams linebacker go all Mike Curtis on some fool running around the football field last night with a pink smoke flare)
2. "Hey, look! Bobby Wagner just went all me!" (Mike Curtis in the great beyond, watching with delight as Wagner laid out the fool the way Curtis once laid out a fan who got on the field during a Colts-Jets game)
3. "Does Wagner get credit for a tackle there? 'Cause he should get credit for a tackle there." (Some fantasy team owner who has Wagner on his roster)
4. Meanwhile, the Bears!
5. Lost again. Let Daniel Jones run for two touchdowns, for God's sake. The usual.
6. "Daniel Jones? Hell, I could tackle that guy!" (Some Bears fan, who undoubtedly couldn't)
7. "Gee, I wish I could do that. And I bet I could if I WEREN'T SO BLEEP-DAMN OLD!" (Tom Brady, watching Patrick Mahomes do Patrick Mahomes things)
8. "Omigod, we almost lost to FRANK ZAPPA!" (Packers fans, watching Patriots third-string quarterback Bailey Zappe make the Pack go overtime to beat undermanned New England in Lambeau)
9. "Omigod, we almost lost to FRANK ZAPPA!" (Aaron Rodgers)
10. "Hey, remember that other quarterback we had, Dak What's-His-Face? Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?" (Cowboys fans, watching backup Cooper Rush win again)
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