And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the two-hand-touch, tag-you're-it, soft-as-butter Blob feature of which critics have said "You soft as butter, son!", and also "Now, don't you hurt anybody making that tackle, Little Lord Pantywaist!":
1. "OH MY GOD! THEY'VE TACKLED TOM BRADY!" (Football viewers)
2. "OH MY GOD! THAT BIG GUY CRAWLED OVER DEREK CARR TO GET TO A LOOSE BALL!" (Also football viewers)
3. "The hell is THIS?" (Actual football viewers, with the satirical filter removed, watching two guys who were just, you know, playing football, getting flagged for completely bogus roughing-the-passer calls)
4. And now, this helpful PSA from the NFL explaining the rules about tackling quarterbacks.
5. Click! (The sound of actual football viewers subsequently turning off the NFL in response)
6. Meanwhile, from London, here's some video of Aaron Rodgers roughing the tablet in a loss to the Giants.
7. Who are 4-1 now, and the Jets are 3-2, and God is in his heaven, saying "Hey, guys, watch this! Imma build up all these New Yorkers hopes and then make both teams collapse in multiple cruel ways down the stretch! Hee-hee!"
8. "And that goes for the Cowboys and Eagles, too!" (Also God)
9. Meanwhile, Frank Zappa!
10. Oops, make that "Bailey Zappe". Who was 17-of-21 for 188 yards and a touchdown and didn't hurt the Patriots, who smothered the Lions 29-0 in Foxborough. After which Zappe did not say, but could have, "Enough with the Frank Zappa jokes already!"
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