And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the un-newsworthy Blob feature that just goes on and on and on, kind of like the NFL season, and of which critics have said "God! It just goes on and on and on!", and also "Kind of like the NFL season!":
1. And in other news, Aaron Rodgers threw four touchdown passes and the Packers beat the Bears 45-30.
2. "That's not news!" (America)
3. "Come on, get to the real news!" (Also America)
4. OK, so, in OTHER news, the Lions lost, the Jaguars lost, the Jets lost, and the Texans lost.
5. "That's not news either! Come on!" (America)
6. The Vikings, who'd just lost to the Lions, beat the Steelers, who'd just beaten the Ravens one week after getting crushed by the Bengals, who lost to the 49ers Sunday?
7. "No! Not news! Everyone knows the only consistency this season is inconsistency!" (America)
8. The Seahawks actually won a game?
9. Bill Belichick might have smiled?
10. "Better!" (America)
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