Plagued out

 At this rate, the last un-diseased quarterback in the NFL will be Matt Saracen.

The last running back will be Tim Riggins.

Billy Bob will be the last O-lineman. Rod Tidwell will be the last wideout. And the only guy left to tell 'em that clear eyes and full hearts can't lose will, of course, be Coach Eric Taylor.

Only TV/movie football people can save us now from the Bastard Plague, it seems. And so thanks to "Friday Night Lights," "Varsity Blues" and "Jerry Maguire."

Perhaps you've missed it in your annual revelries, but COVID-19 is making a comeback, big time, and it's wreaking havoc everywhere in Sportsball World. The omicron variant has decimated NFL rosters the league has moved three games -- Browns-Raiders, Seahawks-Rams and Washington-Eagles -- to Monday and Tuesday, respectively. Three NHL teams --- the Avalanche, Panthers and Flames -- have shut down until after the holidays.

In college buckets, meanwhile, so many games are being canceled, postponed or rescheduled, some are wondering why they don't just shutter the whole damn sport for a couple of weeks.

We all know why they haven't, of course. It's green and has pictures of presidents and the like on it.

It's what's kept the NFL stubbornly holding the line on moving games, even as more and more teams were putting more and more players into Bastard Plague protocols. Omicron (which sounds unnervingly like the evil-er twin of Megatron, chief  baddie Transformer) is apparently the most contagious variant yet -- which means, even though the vast majority of NFL players have been vaccinated, they're still contagious even if the vaccine is keeping them largely symptom-free.

The problem, of course, is the five or so percent of unvaccinated knobs still on NFL rosters. No one wants to infect them, much as they deserve it. So more and more players enter the protocols, and guys with names like Nick Mullens and Garrett Gilbert are suddenly starting NFL quarterbacks, and even retired quarterbacks are offering to step up to help out their former teams.

No, really. Remember Tim Couch?

Sure you do. He was one of the Browns' many QB busts, and he hasn't taken a real snap in 18 years. He's also 44 years old.

But, what the hell. The other day he said he'd embrace the idea of coming back to the ravaged Brownies if they needed the help. 

Which suggests that if this goes on much longer, the Browns will be reaching out to Matt Saracen. Or maybe even J.D. McCoy.

On second thought, nah. No one needs that little jerk.