And now this week's installment of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature top educators have decried as "the reason our kids is failing" because it "boogers up their concentrationality on them standardized whatchamajiggers":
1. No worries. Charlie Whitehurst's got this.
2. (Says no one in Indianapolis right now).
3. No worries. AJ McCarron's got this.
4. (Says no one in Cincinnati right now).
5. No worries. Robbie Gould's GOOD LORD ROBBIE WHATSAMATTER YOU CAN'T YOU KICK A BLANKETY-BLANK FIELD GOAL ANYMORE??
6. (Says a million or so people in Chicago right now).
7. Hey, look, the Panthers are still unbeaten! And Cam Newton's kicking butt!
8. (Brief pause so the United Cam Haters of America can grind their teeth a little more).
9. No worries. Brock Osweiler's--
10. OH MY GOD! WE LOST TO THE RAIDERS! WHERE'S PEYTON?