And now this week's special New Year's Eve edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the festive Blob feature that rings out the old, rings in the new, and of which critics have said "Imma slap you so hard your ears will ring," and also "I got your ring right here - a ring of fire with you in the middle":
1. "Hey, look, guys! It's almost a new year! Perfect time to turn over a new leaf!" (The Jets, the Browns, the Patriots, the Raiders, the Giants)
2. "Hey, we already did, losers!" (The Raiders who punked the Saints 25-10, and the Giants, who knocked the Colts out of the playoffs, 45-33)
3. "Yah, like beating our unmotivated hineys was hard." (The Saints and Colts)
4. In other news, Joe Burrow!
5. Threw for more than 300 yards again. Threw for four touchdowns again. Kept the Bengals alive in the playoff chase, at least if you do a lot of math.
6. "But what if we don't WANNA turn over a new leaf?" (Burrow and the Bengals, to the New Year)
7. "Yah, we like the old one just fine, thanks." (The Chiefs, the Bills, the Eagles, the Lions, the Vikings, the Ravens)
8. "A new leaf? Who needs a new leaf? We're STILL goin' to the Super Bowl, dammit!" (Cowboys fans, despite losing 41-7 to the Eagles and having already been eliminated from the playoffs)
9. "In the New Year, maybe Cowboys fans will finally get the help they need." (Everyone else in America)
10. "Nah, I doubt it." (Also everyone else in America)
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