The NFL season kicks off tonight in L.A., where the Buffalo Bills take on the defending Super Bowl champion Rams in a clash that might be a potential Super Bowl preview, but probably won't be.
In any case, it'll be Josh Allen vs. Matt Stafford, the Bills D vs. the Rams D, a Thursday night lidlifter unlike the usual Thursday night fare. Which by October will be the beat-to-shite Cardinals vs. the beat-to-shite Titans or whatever.
But later for that. It's the start of a shiny new season, and the Blob, though only a "meh" NFL fan, will acknowledge that by offering its "Meh" NFL Preview, which consists of a series of questions the coming season will presumably answer.
* Will the Bears be any better, or will they be as unwatchable as ever?
(Probable answer: Door No. 2.)
* Will the Packers go 13-4 and then gag in the playoffs again?
(Probable answer: Of course.)
* Will Tom Brady, at some point, be crushed into a pile of nutrient-rich dust, like Rojan did to Yeoman Thompson in that one Star Trek episode?
(Probable answer: Perhaps.)
* Will his already decimated offensive line fail him, only to be bailed out by the Defenders of Tom, aka the NFL game officials?
(Probable answer: What do you think?)
* Will the Jets and Giants combine forces so that New York has at least one football team that doesn't totally suck?
(Probable answer: Couldn't hurt.)
(Other probable answer: Though they'd still suck anyway.)
* Will Jacoby Brissett play out of his mind for 11 games, so that the Browns will look even dumber when Deshaun Watson comes back and they have to defend benching a guy having a terrific season for a guy who hasn't played a down of football for more than a year-and-a-half?
(Probable answer: Unlikely. But wouldn't that be great?)
* Will Matt Ryan recapture his youth, and will the Colts be MUCH IMPROVED this season, maybe even a SUPER BOWL CONTENDER?
(Probable answer: Oh, for God's sake, people. Get a grip.)
* Will Patrick Mahomes do more Patrick Mahomes things? Will Aaron Rodgers claim Flintstone vitamins cure COVID, and that Hunter Biden's laptop proves Joe Biden is a hologram and he's actually the Emperor Palpatine? Will Russell Wilson spend the season secretly laughing at Pete Carroll? And will the Patriots somehow win 10 games even though their team right now looks like a football-shaped cowpie?
(Probable answers: Yes ... wouldn't put it past him ... of course ... oh, hell, why not?)
Enjoy the season, folks. And good luck with your fantasy team, the Fightin' Upon Further Reviews.
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