Saturday, December 31, 2022

Still the Great One

 The man is everywhere around me now, here in our quiet den. A photograph of him standing in the on-deck circle -- poetry in repose, you might say -- hangs on the wall behind me. On a bookshelf not a foot-and-a-half beyond by left elbow, his baseball card and an action figure and a plastic-encased commemoration of his Hall of Fame induction day stare back at me.

At the opposite end of the same shelf, also encased in plastic, leans a facsimile of a ticket to his last game, when he laced a double into left-center for his 3,000th hit. The date on the ticket is Saturday, Sept. 30, 1972.

On Dec. 31, 1972 -- three months and a day later, and 50 years ago today -- Roberto Enrique Clemente Walker climbed aboard a creaky DC-7 and was never seen again. He was just 38 years old.

The ancient aircraft was loaded with supplies headed to Nicaragua, which had just been hit with a devastating earthquake. The plane, and the supplies on it, were Clemente's response to the catastrophe. And he was on that plane because he was never one to do anything halfway; if he was sending aid then he, Clemente, would be there to personally ensure it got where it needed to go.

The DC-7 labored into the air and crashed into the sea shortly after takeoff from Puerto Rico, Roberto Clemente's native soil.

At once baseball lost not just a legend but a man whose legacy extended far beyond the trim geometry of the diamond. In Puerto Rico he was revered as the Latino Jackie Robinson, the one who escaped their small island to become one of the greatest players of his or any other generation, and who paved the way for all who came after him.

He was the Great One to every kid in Puerto Rico and dozens of other places who picked up a stick and a ball and dreamed their dreams. And not just because he played the game with a grace and elegance and, yes, poetry rarely seen before or since.

He was the Great One because he kept coming back to Puerto Rico, kept giving back to his homeland by conducting clinics and building ballfields and spearheading  humanitarian causes in their hundreds. Acutely aware of who he was and what he represented, he became an outspoken advocate of civil rights for persons of color and, specifically, Latin American persons of color.

As for me, I became (much to my chagrin these past 30 years) a Pittsburgh Pirates fan because of Roberto Clemente. As a kid, I was utterly captivated by him. I'd never seen anyone play baseball the way he played baseball. Going full out all the time, but with this incredibly sublime fluidity, he patrolled right field the way Nureyev might have -- and God help you if you tried to take a base on that howitzer of a right arm.

You might argue with me when I say he was the greatest ever to play the position. But you'll lose.

A year after his death, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame, baseball having taken the extraordinary step of waiving its usual five-year rule. It was a tribute not only to Clemente’s impeccable skill -- 12 Gold Gloves, 846 extra-base hits, a lifetime .317 average -- but to the way he lived his life, right up to the end.

Fifty years ago today, that life ended when the plane went down.

But, oh, how much he lifted up before it did.

Prediction time!

They'll play the Peach Bowl and the Fiesta Bowl today, on New Year's Eve, which does not seem right because they'll play 'em the day after the Orange Bowl, which they played 48 hours before New Year's Day -- which isn't right either, but, oh, well. The bowl schedule hasn't made sense for 20 years or so now, and no sense carping about it.

("But you just did," you're saying now)

("And get to the point," you're also saying) 

Point is, the Peach and Fiesta -- aka, the two College Football Playoff semifinal games; aka, the only bowls that aren't just exhibitions anymore -- go off today, and so I suppose the Blob should make its predictions for said games. So let's get on with it, shall we?

* The Fiesta Bowl might be a better game than you think.

This is because everyone seems to think TCU is just a big old patsy that totally lucked into its 12-1 record, and won a bunch of games via miracle, besides, and lost to Kansas State in the Big 12 championship game besides that. And so Michigan, which made all of Columbus, Ohio, weep a month ago, will stomp the Horned Frogs into formless goo and win by, I don't know, 52-7 or something.

The Blob doesn't think so.

The Blob thinks the TCUs will have their backs up after a month of hearing they're just a bunch of imposters who got into the CFP with a fake ID. And their quarterback, Max Duggan, is not the laydown type. 

So ... 

Michigan wins. But they'll have to fight for it, at least for awhile. Call it 31-20.

* The Peach Bowl might be a better game than you think.

And, yes, the Blob realizes it just said that about the Fiesta Bowl, but the same applies to the Peach. Everyone figures Georgia is so much better than any of the other three teams they'll win both CFP games by 30, but maybe not. Maybe the Bulldogs will prove to be human beings with human foibles after all.

Like, for instance, taking an opponent juuuust a touch lightly.

Hard as it is to imagine Ohio State ever being overlooked by anyone -- especially in a playoff game -- it seems entirely unlikely the Georgia kids will simply forget about the spanking the Buckeyes took from Michigan. The last impression is always the clearest impression, after all. And the last impression of Ohio State is the Buckeyes getting bulldozed all over Ohio Stadium by the Wolverines.

They got trucked, is what happened. And now here comes a tank after them.

And yet ...

And yet, the Buckeyes still have C.J. Stroud. They still have Marvin Harrison Jr. and Emeka Egbuka and Julian Fleming and a bunch of other guys running flight patterns. And from Stroud right down to the last guy on the bench, they've all been doing a slow burn for a solid month.

So, again: Georgia wins. But not by 30.

Call it 38-30.

The ridicule portion of this post is now open.

Friday, December 30, 2022

The beautiful man

 He didn't bring soccer to America, first of all. We only think he did.

We only think soccer was born in this country when Edson Arantes do Nascimento came to America in 1975, decades removed from the small town in Brazil where he was born.  By then the world knew him as Pele, and he was the greatest soccer player who'd ever lived. Even here, where the game was still mostly an immigrant curiosity, we knew Pele.

So when he joined the New York Cosmos in the last years of his glittering career, even those who thought soccer was just some weird foot fetish ("Whadda you mean you can't use your hands?") sat up and took notice. Pele? Hey, I've heard of that guy!

By then, ironically, he was in his mid-thirties and his skills had begun to erode, but that didn't really matter.  He was still the King, the foremost ambassador of the Beautiful Game, a phrase he himself coined. And it was beautiful the way he played it, with a flair and artistry that left soccer fans constantly hitting rewind because how the hell did he do THAT?

And now he's gone.

He died yesterday at 82 of colon cancer, a citizen of the world so famous that when he once met a president of the United States, the president -- Ronald Reagan -- introduced himself to him. He knew presidents and monarchs and world leaders of every stripe, an athlete who transcended athletics in a way no athlete ever has with the possible exception of Muhammad Ali.

With whom, of course, Pele was great friends.

Doubtless they recognized in one another what sport can do for a man or woman, how it can lift them to heights utterly unimagined. Ali grew up as Cassius Clay in a working-class neighborhood in Louisville, Ky.; Pele grew up kicking around a sock stuffed with newspapers, an actual ball being something beyond his imagining. Later, as his talent grew, he shined shoes to pay for his kit.

A few years after, he burst onto the world stage as a 17-year-old phenom leading Brazil to the World Cup in 1958. By the time he led Brazil to its third World Cup in 12 years in 1970, he was the acknowledged greatest player in the world, and even guys in America huddled around TV sets watching the Celtics or the World Series or "real" football on Sunday afternoons knew his name.

No, he didn't bring soccer to America, but we can date its entrance into the American  consciousness to the day he came to New York. The Beautiful Game, after all, had the perfect beautiful man to sell it to a nation built on selling: A joyous soul with a neon smile whose love for his game was so infectious it got us to wondering why Pele found it so damn much fun.

And so American kids started finding the game, sporadically.  They find it to this day.

Pele died less than two weeks after one of the most scintillating World Cup finals in history, a circumstance that seems both curiously appropriate and a tribute of sorts.  Messi and Mbappe and the rest, after all, confirmed what Pele had been telling us all these years about his game, and why he found so much joy in it. 

On the day of the final, I wound up at a local sports bar watching the overtimes and shootout. While I was sitting there, an acquaintance showed up and sat down next to me. He's an Ohio State football fan who, as far as I know, has only a nodding acquaintance with soccer. But when he sat down, he looked up at the screen with obvious relief.

"Oh, man," he said. "I didn't think I was gonna get here in time to see this."

I have to think Edson Arantes do Nascimento would have smiled, hearing that. I have to think he would have smiled forever.

Thursday, December 29, 2022

Today in grammar

 You learn something every day, the saying goes, but it doesn't go far enough. The rest of it goes "... even if you could have gone your whole life without learning it."

Like, did you know there's no such word as "Cheez-Its"?

That's what the Cheez-It people say, anyway, and it's relevant because tonight Oklahoma plays Florida State in the Cheez-It Bowl. The winning coach  gets a tub of Cheez-Its dumped on his head, presumably.

Excuse me. Make that "Cheez-It crackers."

Because, see, the Cheez-It people say that's the proper grammatical plural of "Cheez-It." A single Cheez-It, they explain, is a Cheez-It. But the plural version is "Cheez-It crackers."

"But Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "Not that we care, but isn't this grammatically inconsistent?"

Your*darn tootin' it is!

(*You're)

Grammatical consistency, see, would dictate a single Cheez-It be called a "Cheez-It cracker." But it's not, according to the Cheez-It people. So by the Blob's lights, it's perfectly fine to continue to call the plural "Cheez-Its," for consistency's sake.

I'm sorry?

You say this is the dumbest thing the Blob has ever Blobbed about? 

Well ... maybe so.

But my grammar doesn't think so.

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

The Ineptitude Bowl

 The NFL season is down to crumbs and final swallows, and so it's the proper time at last to look in on what is annually one of the league's fiercest struggles.

Let's play Which Franchise Is The Biggest Dumpster Fire/Superfund Site, boys and girls!

"I know, I know!" you're saying. "Jacksonville!"

No, the Jaguars got rid of Urban Meyer last year. This year, not coincidentally, they're tied for the division lead and closing in on a playoff berth.

"The Lions, then!"

Nope. Last week's flameout against Carolina notwithstanding, the Kitties have won six of their last eight games and sit second in the division.

The correct answer is either Indianapolis or Denver, and it's one hell of a donnybrook right now. Rarely have two franchises pooped themselves so spectacularly, and with such complete and utter shamelessness.

Let's go to the tape, shall we?

In one corner, we've got Your Colts, who were supposed to be a favorite to win their division and maybe make some noise in the playoffs this year after signing Falcons veteran Matt Ryan to man the helm. 

But Ryan wound up using a fake ID to get on board, one that said he was 37 years old and not, I don't know, maybe 65. So they benched Ryan for Sam Ehlinger, and then they benched Ehlinger for Ryan, and then they benched Ryan again for Nick Foles, patiently waiting in the back of the closet like that '70s leisure suit you forgot you had.

Along the way, they fired head coach Frank Reich after the Colts stumbled to a 3-5-1 start. Then they elevated defensive coordinator Gus Bradley, a former head coach, to be the interim head coach for the remainder of the season.

No, of course they didn't do that!

Instead, owner Jim Irsay summoned Colts icon Jeff Saturday from behind his analyst's desk to coach the team for the rest of the season, even though Saturday had zero experience except as a high school coach. He's now 1-5, and the Colts are 4-10-1 with no viable quarterback, no premier receiver and a high-priced offensive line that can't block a sunbeam. 

Bonus points: Irsay recently said in an interview he's probably going to hang onto GM Chris Ballard, who put this mess together.

"Hey, what about us!" Denver is saying now. "What are we, chopped liver?"

Why, yes, Broncos. That's exactly what you are!

Their story starts with Nathaniel Hackett, the quarterbacks coach from Green Bay the Broncos brought in as head coach thinking he might lure Aaron Rodgers west. Turns out Rodgers was just playing mind games by hinting he'd leave; he wound up not leaving.

But no matter. Because you know what the Broncos did next?

They went out and get Russell Wilson.

Folks immediately started chattering excitedly about the quarterback battles they'd see in the AFC West among Wilson, Patrick Mahomes, Justin Herbert and Derek Carr. Except ...

Except, it turned out Nathaniel Hackett couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag. And Russell Wilson inexplicably turned into Mr. Wilson, Dennis the Menace's neighbor. The Broncos lost a bunch of games; Russ was terrible and losing the locker room; and Hackett consistently displayed the clock-management skills of Homer Simpson.

The topper to all this was the Broncos owners waited until there were just two games left in the season to fire Hackett. What the point of doing it now is anyone's guess. The Denvers are 4-11 and have been playing out the string for weeks. Players are getting suspended for fighting, probably out of boredom. And CEO Greg Penner has thrown  GM George Paton under the bus, saying whoever the new coach will be will answer directly to him, not to Paton.

This is not just a train wreck, in other words. It's a train/plane/automobile wreck.

So who wins the Inteptitude Bowl?

The Blob says it's the Broncos on a last-second field goal. Because they had Russell Wilson and still managed to have the worst offense in the league, and the Colts only had an over-the-hill Matt Ryan.

Who do you like?

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 16

 And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words -- the hopeful Blob feature that's looking forward to a new year, and of which critics have said "I'm looking forward to a new year in which we kill this thing once and for all!" and also "New year? Why, wasn't the old one good enough?":

1. "Speaking of new things, let's give Nick Foles a shot!" (The Indianapolis Colts)

2. "Yeah! Give me a shot!" (Nick Foles)

3. "GAAAH!" (The Colts, after Foles throws three picks, is sacked seven times and puts up a 31.9 passer rating in a 20-3 loss to the Chargers)

4. "GAAAH!" (Nick Foles, running for his life from the Chargers pass rush)

5. "Nobody told me our O-line was THIS bad!" (Also Foles)

6. Meanwhile, the Lions!

7. Lions-ed it up again, getting crushed 37-23 by the Panthers after getting everybody's hopes up that they might actually make the playoffs.

8. The AFC South. The NFC South. Heck, everyone in the NFC except the Eagles, the Cowboys, the 49ers and the Vikings.

9. Should all be sold for parts at a Reclaimed Freight outlet near you.

10. "GAAAH! (Fans realizing that one team each from the AFC South and NFC South is actually going to make the playoffs)

Monday, December 26, 2022

The spirit of the season

 Happy Day After Christmas -- Boxing Day, if you're from north of the border -- and the Blob thinks this is the perfect time to recognize those who understand the spirit of the season and the birth of the one who inspires it, and those who ... do not.

Anthony Leal from the IU basketball team, he gets it. The governor Texas, Greg Abbott (R-Colossal Dick), not so much.

What Anthony Leal did to honor Christmas was use his Name, Likeness and Image (NIL) money to pay off his older sister's student loan debt. All of it. Thousands of dollars. And so extra figgy pudding to Anthony for this act of goodwill toward women, and for understanding (implicitly or otherwise) that goodwill toward women and men was why Jesus was born all those centuries ago in the first place.

It seems Gov. Abbott -- who likes to profess his Christian faith without apparently living it -- never got the message.

What Colossal Dick did, see, is round up 100-some migrants who'd crossed the border illegally looking for relief from poverty or violence or exploitation, and exploit them some more. Put 'em on buses and shipped them literally to Vice-President Kamala Harris' doorstep in Washington, because, I don't know, he thought it would be cute or something.

He did this on Christmas Eve.

When it was 16 degrees in D.C.

And with at least some of the bewildered, desperate folks he sent off  not dressed for that kind of weather.

Merry Christmas.

And I suppose this is the part where we contemplate what Jesus would do in this situation, given that it's his birthday and he was born in inadequate circumstances himself because of the heartlessness of others. I have an idea, although it probably isn't particularly Christ-like.

I think Jesus would come back, kick the governor in the ass and ask him what part of "If you do this to the least of these, you do it unto me" he didn't understand.

But enough about cruelty and heartlessness and juvenile political stunts. I prefer to dwell on Anthony Leal and his sister, and the true spirit of the season.

Here's the video of Lauren Leal opening her gift from Anthony. Bring tissues.

Saturday, December 24, 2022

The annual merry greeting

 Christmas Eve again, and you know what that means, Blobophiles. It means a brief pause, if you will, for those of us who do so to observe the birth of a Prince of Peace whose grace transcends the madness of all kings and wanna-be kings.

Which is to say: Happy Merry Holidays Christmas, everyone. Health and good fortune and every other blessing to you and yours from the Blob, which occasionally can be less glib than usual if it really tries.

This being Christmas Eve, and Christmas Eve being the province of such things, here's the Blob's annual message, courtesy of Charles Dickens, a crotchety geezer and a few not-quite-random spirits:

"Again the Ghost sped on, above the black and heaving sea—on, on—until, being far away, as he told Scrooge, from any shore, they lighted on a ship. They stood beside the helmsman at the wheel, the look-out in the bow, the officers who had the watch; dark, ghostly figures in their several stations; but every man among them hummed a Christmas tune, or had a Christmas thought, or spoke below his breath to his companion of some bygone Christmas Day, with homeward hopes belonging to it. And every man on board, waking or sleeping, good or bad, had had a kinder word for another on that day than on any day in the year; and had shared to some extent in its festivities; and had remembered those he cared for at a distance, and had known that they delighted to remember him."

Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 23, 2022

Hoosier Notions

 Indiana welcomes another cardboard cutout to Assembly Hall tonight, presumably with a left to the jaw, a right to the ribcage and a boot to the tender regions. Thanks for coming, Kennesaw State!

The Hoosiers surely needed Kennesaw and that other apple turnover (Elon) this week, because the team everyone thought they were got exposed as something less in the two games previous. First it was No. 5 Arizona that flamed them by 14; then, a week later, No. 4 Kansas flattened them by 22 in a game where the Hoosiers' effort, execution and general basketball-ness felt like a visitation from the Ghost of Archie Miller Past.

Quite a shock to a Hoosier fan base that figured THIS was the team it had been tramping through the wilderness to find after that blowout of North Carolina. Finally, Indiana played like Indiana. And all it took was to bring in a Bob Knight acolyte, Mike Woodson, to make it happen.

Hoosier Nation was ready to put up a statue of Woody after Carolina.

Now some IU followers, not overreacting at all, are chipping away at it.

Suddenly, Woody doesn't work hard enough. And he ignores the advice of his staff. And his players look like they have no direction on offense, and they're constantly out of position defensively, and, and, and ...

The Blob has heard all of the above from various precincts in the last couple weeks, and it can only shake its head. Heard it all before, many times. The capriciousness is never not predictable, because it always turns on a dime depending on what Coach's boys did the last time out.

One week statuary; the next, a mortuary for Coach's tenure. So it goes.

What I think about this is Woodson's team wasn't as good as its 7-0 start and thrashing of North Carolina suggested, and it's not as bad as Kansas 84, Indiana 62. The talent that revealed itself in the dropkicking of North Carolina is still there, but that game and the steady diet of Frosted Mini-Wheats to start the season perhaps gave Hoosier Nation some false Hoosier Notions. 

Like, We're really THAT GOOD.

Well ... perhaps not, at least yet. The Arizona and Kansas games indicated size inside is going to bother the Hoosiers, and in particular All-American Trace Jackson-Davis, whose skill set is extensive but does not match that of a traditional pivot. And, of course, losing point guard Xavier Johnson to a foot injury for an extended period is not going to help matters.

And yet, Johnson included, almost every returning player on the Indiana roster is better than he was last year, or seems to be. The freshmen are good but -- with the exception of Jalen Hood-Schifino, who's already excelling -- not as good as they will be. That's something to hang onto. 

In the meantime, here comes another get-well card in Kennesaw State. Which figures to soften another blow to Indiana's esteem.

See the score from Kansas last night?

The Jayhawks beat Harvard. But only by 14.

In other words, Harvard put up a better fight than Indiana. Harvard.

"See? Even Harvard has a better coach (Tommy Amaker) than Woodson," they'll say in some parts of Hoosier Nation.

Sigh.

Thursday, December 22, 2022

QB roulette

 So I see the Indianapolis Colts have decided to haul Nick Foles from the back of the closet and start him Monday night, and I say, oh, why not. The season is gone. Jeff Saturday is playing out the string on whatever this has been. And Jonathan Taylor is on the shelf until next year.

Nick Foles?

Hell, why not Nick Nolte?

Nic Cage. Nick Offerman. The mortal remains of Czar Nicholas II. 

Actually, if you're going to play quarterback roulette, why not make it interesting for the fans and open it up to your season ticketholders? Have a drawing. Dump your season ticketholder list into a big rotating drum painted blue and white, and let Blue the Colts mascot do the honors.

First six names Blue pulls get to play one down at quarterback against the Chargers on Monday night. Valuable prizes to anyone who doesn't get sacked on his or her play.

"Oh, that's just silly," you're saying now.

Well of course it is. That's the point.

See, this season zoomed past silly some time ago, so we might as well just go Full Nuclear on the silly. How much sillier can it get than being outscored 33-0 in the fourth quarter against the Cowboys? Or, against the Vikings, setting an NFL record for biggest alltime gag?

Look, if you're gonna go from a 36-7 lead late in the third quarter to a 39-36 loss in overtime, you've pretty much worn out silly. That was the ugly Christmas sweater of losses, is what it was.  With fake antlers and a fake red nose.

So, sure. Put Buddy Bill or Myrtle Jane out there. Make 'em sign a waiver to take care of the lawyer stuff. Let 'em live out their childhood dreams, or at least have a great story to tell their grandkids.

"But, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "What about Nick Foles?"

Ah, he can play the rest of the time. It's not like it matters at this this point, and besides, he's earned it. The man's been sitting all season watching the Colts spin the wheel from Matt Ryan to Sam Ehlinger to Matt Ryan again, after all. Must have felt like being an audience member on "The Price Is Right" who doesn't get picked as a contestant.

Well, now's chance. Spin that wheel, baby.

"But Mr. Blob," you're saying. "What happens if he plays really well? Won't that make the Colts look even sillier for not giving him a shot all season?"

Of course it will. Again, that's the point.

Why mess with a theme now?

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

An Immaculate one passes

 Somewhere Franco's Italian Army is weeping today, and raising glasses of good red to the sky. The Terrible Towels droop at half-staff. And tough guys in 32 jerseys and 58 jerseys and 12 jerseys and 75 jerseys are pounding their Iron City and  saying, man, time is a bitch, and ain't that a bitch.

Because they just looked up -- we all looked up -- and Franco Harris was gone.

He passed yesterday at the not-decrepit age of 72, and those of us of a certain age felt another piece of back-in-the-day go whirling off into the cosmos. The years are inexorable, surprise, surprise. One minute we're watching Franco pluck that ricochet off his shoetops; the next, he's gone and the Steel Curtain is gone and Bradshaw-to-Swann is gone.

History. Archives. Dusty volumes on dusty shelves in a dusty library somewhere.

I was in high school when the Immaculate Reception made Franco Harris famous, and sparked decades of  pushback from Raiders fans that it was a DAMN ILLEGAL PLAY.  And I was in college when the Steelers first went to the Super Bowl in '75 and squeezed the life out of the Minnesota Vikings.

 The final was 16-6, which didn't begin to speak to their domination. Mean Joe Greene and the rest of the Curtain didn't let 'em drink a drop. I think the Vikings rushed for like six yards that day. 

(OK, so it was 17 yards. And the Vikings scratched out just nine first downs. But who's counting?)

Franco, meanwhile, ran for 158 yards and was the game's MVP. The Steelers won the Super Bowl the next year, too, and then three years after that won two more in a row. So, four Super Bowls in six years.

In the days before the Bill Walsh 49ers and Bill Belichick Patriots, no one had ever seen the like of it.

Franco of course was a big part of all that, the go-to back whose durability sprang a good deal from smarts. Non-Steelers fans used to make fun of him for running out of bounds so much, but he was ahead of his time with that strategem. It’s how he lasted 13 years and 2,949 carries, and how many backs have those kinds of numbers today?

Things is, he didn't use himself up when there wasn't a reason to. And now he's gone, 38 years after he hung 'em up -- a lot more years than he might have gotten, you figure, had he taken on every tackler on every down just because he could.

And yet, somehow, 38 years are not enough. They never are.

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 15

 And now this week's special Christmas edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the peace-on-Earth, goodwill-toward-men Blob feature of which critics have said nothing, on account of they're filled with the spirit of the season and have chosen to be charitable this week:

1. "What?! We never agreed to that!" (The critics)

2. "I've always thought of Christmas time ... as a good time, a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time ..." (Jakobi Meyers of the Patriots, after throwing perhaps the dumbest lateral in the history of laterals on the last play of the game, handing the Raiders a kind, forgiving, charitable win.)

3. "Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons?" (Colts fans, after watching their team blow a 33-0 halftime lead and wondering what should be done with Jeff Saturday, Matt Ryan and the whole sorry lot of them.)

4. "Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this season!" (Tom Brady, decrepit old man, surveying a year in which he turned into a 45-year-old quarterback on a crappy team that just blew a 17-0 lead and lost to the Bengals)

5. (Or: The Los Angeles Rams, after getting smoked in Green Bay to fall to 4-10 ten months after winning the Super Bowl)

6. "Spirit! I am not the man I was!" (The Detroit Lions, after beating the New York Jets, their third straight win and sixth in the last seven games)

7. (Or: The Dallas Cowboys, after blowing another one, this time to the 6-8 Jacksonville Jaguars in overtime, after leading 27-10 with 5:21 to play in the third quarter)

8. "I'll .. endeavor to help your struggling family ..." (Oh, wait. We already talked about Jakobi Meyers)

9. "I don't mind going if a lunch is provided." (Fans in Denver, anticipating the 3-10 Broncos vs. the 4-9 Cardinals)

10. (Or: Fans in New Orleans, prior to the 5-8 Falcons vs. the 4-9 Saints)

Monday, December 19, 2022

Programming by a nose

The most exciting sporting event of the weekend, and maybe in the entire history of sporting events going back to the Oogs vs. the Krogs in the first National Fire-Making League championship, was not the epic World Cup final between Argentina and France.

It was the split-second victory of the NFL over, you know, soccer.

What happened, see, was Argentina had a 2-0 lead with 11 minutes to play (Adjusted NFL Score: 27-0), and then Kylian Mbappe scored twice in 90 seconds to tie it for France, and then Lionel Messi scored his second goal of the game to give Argentina a 3-2 lead with 10 minutes left in extra time.

Joy. Pandemonium. All of Argentina (or what seemed like it) weeping and making the stadium sway with their singing over there in Qatar.

And then, with three minutes left in extra time, Mbappe scored again to tie it again.

This sent what was already one of the most astounding finals in history to kicks from the penalty mark. And after France, notoriously mediocre at PKs, was denied by Argentine keeper Emi Martinez and fired wide on two of their first three, reserve defender Gonzalo Montiel punched home the PK that made Messi a World Cup champion and set all of Argentina to weeping and singing again.

Something similar surely happened in the Fox studios.

Because a mere minute or so after Montiel's ball hit the back of the net, the clock hit 1 p.m. Eastern in the United States. And an on-time start of another Very Important NFL Sunday was ensured.

A photo finish, if you will. Programming, by a nose. Gonzalo Montiel for the win in both Qatar and sports bars all over the U.S., because Football America got to see the opening kickoff of Eagles-Bears and not more soccer.

It really did happen in the blink of an eye, so much so it was almost comical. One second you were watching Messi hugging every teammate and every French player, for that matter; the next, we were in frigid Chicago -- strengthless December sunlight pouring down, a kicker teeing up the ball, alien creatures in helmets and pads chuffing frozen breath through their facemasks like fire-breathing dragons.

From the Beautiful Game to Bear Weather, just like that. From artistry or something like it to the industrial crucible of the NFL, where the game is all blood and iron and no place for the faint of heart.

There's never been a sports moment quite like it. Nothing else that happened over the weekend stole your breath and your equilibrium in quite the same way.

The World Cup final came close, of course. For 78 minutes it was all Argentina, and then it wasn't, and after that everyone was hanging on for dear life. The measure of any great soccer match is not how much scoring there is but how many scoring opportunities there are, and for the  last 12 minutes of regulation and then 30 minutes of extra time, this was virtually all opportunity.

It was an assault on both goalkeepers even long-time observers of the game could scarcely remember seeing, a display of sustained attack whose fury produced multiple near misses. When it was done, Messi had scored two of Argentina's three goals, Mbappe had singlehandedly kept France alive with the first hat trick in a Cup final in 56 years, and everyone was limp.

And then, a couple of minutes later ...

Justin Fields! Jalen Hurts! Windchills!  

Which continued an NFL weekend that was in itself epic. 

Nine games were decided by a touchdown or less. Three went overtime. A Bill Belichick team made perhaps the dumbest play anyone ever saw to lose to the Raiders; the Vikings pulled off the greatest comeback in NFL history, and the Colts the greatest choke; Tom Brady lost an eighth game in one season for the first time in his career while blowing a 17-point lead for the first time in his career. 

And, of course, the League made its start time. With mere seconds to spare.

Now that's a weekend.

Sunday, December 18, 2022

Saturday in park

Look, maybe Jeff Saturday just likes history.  That's possible, right? 

Maybe he's a fan of the old single wing, and of leather helmets, and of Ernie Bronko Don Hutson Nagurski. Dust off the record books! Get the 2022 Indianapolis Colts in there! Make history come alive for our loyal fans!

Because for sure, that was an historic collapse on top of another historic collapse for Saturday and the Colts yesterday, no doubt about it. Thirteen days after the Horsies gave up 33 points in 11 minutes in Dallas to turn what had been a game into a smoking crater (Final: Cowboys 54, Colts 19), they blew a 33-0 halftime lead in Minnesota and lost 39-36 to the Vikings in overtime.

With less than five minutes to play in the third quarter, the Colts led 36-7. With a quarter to play, they still led 36-14. And then ...

And then ...

And then, Kirk Cousins to Justin Jefferson. Kirk Cousins to Adam Thielen. Kirk Cousins to Dalvin Cook.

And finally, Greg Joseph with the 40-yard field goal to win it as time expired in overtime.

It was an historic comeback for the Vikings, facilitated by an historic collapse for the Colts. Excuse me, another historic collapse. Two weeks ago in Dallas, the 33 points scored by the Cowboys in the fourth quarter tied the 1925 Chicago Cardinals for second alltime for most points scored in the fourth quarter of an NFL game.

A mind-altering number: In their last two games, the Colts have been outscored 58-0 in the fourth quarter and overtime. 

This immediately prompted a call for Saturday's dismissal from some of the more deranged precincts of the intertoobz, ignoring a couple of pertinent facts. 

One, there are only three games left in the season.

Two, Saturday is merely an interim coach. Apparently some folks still haven't looked up the definition yet.

"Interim" means he goes back to his studio analyst chair in three games anyway, so what would firing him now accomplish? How much loonier would Jim Irsay look than he already does if  he'd fire his interim coach to bring in ANOTHER interim coach for three weeks?

Imagine that news conference:

"We've decided to make a change," Irsay said.

"Why now?" a reporter asked.

"Because I'm embarrassed," Irsay replied.

"Again?"

That sort of thing.

No, might as well stay what's left of the course -- leave Saturday not in the park, but just in park, so to speak. His hiring now looks as batshite as most people thought it was, but the Blob's take on it remains the same: Yeah, it's bizarre, all right, but who cares? The season was already gone anyway, so why not bring in a pal with zero coaching experience to finish it up? 

Now, the Blob is not prepared to say that's what Irsay was thinking, or if he might have been looking ahead to the draft. That is pure speculation, and the Blob does not indulge in speculation, except when it does.

I do know this, though: Irsay probably never thought he'd get a piece of history in the deal.

Win-win!

OK. So, no.

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Let's go Bowling!

 There's a dusting of white on the lawn and the calendar says December 17, and you know what that means, Blobophiles. It's bowl season!

Yesterday we had the action-packed Hometown Lenders Bahamas Bowl and the packed-with-action Duluth Trading Cure Bowl, and if you didn't watch, well, it's YOUR LOSS, BUSTER. Nothing says the holidays like watching UAB stave off Miami (O.) in the former, or asking of the latter, "What does UTSA stand for?"

The Blob actually asked this, while watching UTSA and Troy in the Duluth Trading Cure Bowl. The correct answer: It stands for "University of Texas at San Antonio."

And you know what?

The Roadrunners (that's their nickname) were leading 12-7 late in the third quarter when their quarterback threw an interception that was returned roughly a third of a mile. That set up Troy's go-ahead touchdown, and the Troys added a field goal to win 18-12.

Excuse me?

No, I don't know what the trophy for a Duluth Trading Cure Bowl looks like. But since Duluth Trading specializes in workwear and comfortable undergarments, I'm thinking a pair of crystal boxer briefs that won't ride up on you might be appropriate.

Anyway ...

The bowl season is off and running, and the Blob loves this because there are so many of them now, and some of them involve 6-6 teams with losing records in their respective conferences. This doesn't matter, of course, because they're all just exhibition games anyway. It's why so many players with NFL aspirations opt out of their schools bowl games to "prepare for the draft" -- which is another way of saying "I don't want to get hurt playing in the Jimmy Kimmel LA Bowl Presented By Stifel."

This is an actual bowl, by the way. It pits Washington State against Fresno State. You can watch it today at 3:30 on ABC if you like.

(And, no, before you ask, I don't know what "Stifel" is)

(OK, I just looked it up, and it's some sort of wealth tracker app. So there you go.)

Point is, tons of prospective NFL players won't stick around for the bowl games, because, let's face it, neither do their coaches in a lot of cases. They take jobs somewhere else nanoseconds after their teams' last game, and, as with the players, it's usually a financial consideration. Everyone's out to get his, and ain't that America?

And so the Purdue Boilermakers, whose coach Jeff Brohm  headed for Louisville shortly after the Bucket game, will play LSU in the Cheez-It Citrus Bowl without most of the offense that helped them go 8-4 and reach the Big Ten championship game. Quarterback Aidan O'Connell is opting out, and so are wide receiver Charlie Jones and tight end Payne Durham.

O'Connell accounted for 3,490 yards and 22 touchdowns this season. Jones caught 110 passes for 1,361 yards and 12 TDs. And Durham caught 56 balls for 560 yards and eight more scores.

That's basically Purdue's entire passing offense for 2022. 

Perhaps the Citrus Bowl should have kicked in a few more Cheez-Its.

Seriously, though, you can't really blame the players who are opting out. It's the latest manifestation of what's become known as the Jaylon Smith Effect -- named for the former Bishop Luers and Notre Dame standout who decided to play in the Fiesta Bowl his senior year, and wrecked his knee so badly he missed his entire rookie season.

That decision cost him millions.

And so,  onward we go. There are six other bowl games today besides the aforementioned Jimmy Kimmel Bowl, and you won't want to miss  second of the action in the SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl, the Lending Tree Bowl and the Wasabi Fenway Bowl -- which pits rivals Louisville and Cincinnati, and has the distinction of being played in Fenway Park in Boston.

I'm sorry, what?

No, I don't know why they're playing in Fenway Park. Although after the season the Red Sox had there, maybe the organizers just wanted the place to see some hits for once.

Enjoy!

Friday, December 16, 2022

The right man for the job

 So the NCAA has chosen its next president, and everything about him speaks precisely to everything college athletics are in 2022. In other words, Charlie Baker, the outgoing governor of Massachusetts and the new big cheese at the NCAA, is the right man at the right time for the right job.

Consider:

* Baker, who played basketball at Harvard, is a former healthcare CEO and was a business-oriented Republican governor from the old school.

* He has no background in either sports administration or academia.

* He does, however, know his way around a corporate boardroom.

How is this not perfect fit for the corporate monolith that is Football Inc. -- the engine that drives the whole multibillion-dollar business, and thus the only college athletics that seem to matter any more?

You don't need a man with academic administrative experience to run that sort of outfit, because what do academics have to do with it? They still call 'em "student-athletes," but mostly they're free agents on the make for the best deal, same as their multimillionaire coaches. If their value as students and not just athletes still mattered, and if education were therefore still even a fig leaf in the equation, those coaches wouldn't  be pulling down $9 or $10 million a year.

Nope. They'd be making a salary commensurate with any other tenured faculty, and they'd be teaching American history at 1 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday before heading out to practice.

But it's not that world anymore. And that's why Baker is such a cozy fit. 

As a former CEO he knows how to run a company, and knows how to forge partnerships that benefit that company. He speaks the language of the deal fluently, and the NCAA is about nothing if not deals: TV deals, sponsorship deals, mergers and acquisitions, the whole ball of yarn.

In March, after all, he'll assume leadership of an organization whose member schools no longer care about anything outside the business ledger. The Big Ten adds Rutgers and Maryland to tap into the East Coast TV money; then it decides to steal UCLA and USC from the Pac-12 to tap into the L.A. TV market. The SEC swipes Texas and Oklahoma. The ACC filches Notre Dame -- with the caveat that the Irish can still call itself a football independent despite playing half its games against ACC opponents.

It's all utterly absurd to anyone with a sense of or appreciation for history, which has always been what lifted college athletics above the soulless NFL or NBA. USC and UCLA were never meant to play conference games against Ohio State or Michigan; they were meant to play each other on New Year's Day, in the Rose Bowl.

And Texas and Alabama?

The Cotton Bowl, not some November clash in Tuscaloosa.

Notre Dame and Clemson?

Orange Bowl.

Georgia-Oklahoma?

Sugar Bowl.

On and on. And, yes, this is indeed Get Off My Lawn Guy shaking his bony fist at clouds and  the modern age. Times change, surprise, surprise. A CEO who never taught a class, chaired a department or had any association with sports after college except watch them on TV is about to head the main governing body of college athletics. And it makes perfect sense. 

History?

Aw, hell. If you can't eat it or fatten accounts receivable with it, what good is it?

I think I need to go lie down.

Thursday, December 15, 2022

The final is set, dammit

 Well, poop.

This is the entirety of the Blob's sober, intelligent analysis of the World Cup semifinals, which went exactly the way they were supposed to go, dammit, and which means we won't see the Checkered Shirt Boys or that joyous bunch of bracket vandals from Morocco in the final on Sunday.

Nope. Croatia went down 3-0 to Lionel Messi and Argentina, and the Atlas Lions (love that name) fell 2-0 to Kylian Mbappe and defending champion France. As fully expected.

This sets up a dream final as Messi and Mbappe vie for the Golden Boot and Golden Ball (top goal scorer and top player) and the big prize itself, the World Cup. It's likely Messi's last chance to bring the Cup home to Argentina, and it's France's shot at doing something that hasn't been done in 60 years -- win back-to-back World Cups.

Either way, the form sheet will reign. And that's too bad.

This is because the Blob is a big fan of chaos, and who better to embody that than Croatia and Morocco? 

Croatia got to the semis four years after starring as Cinderella in 2018, when it got to the final in what was largely considered a fluke. And Morocco, which became the first African and Arab nation to reach the semifinals, was the darkest of dark horses. The Atlas Lions weren't supposed to do anything.

But then they knocked out Spain and shocked Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal, even though the zebras tried their best to help out the Portuguese with a bogus late red card against Morocco's Walid Cheddira. But the Atlas Lions hung on to win anyway, so neener-neener-neener, ref.

France and Mbappe brought the lovely dream to an end, however. Sometimes you can't stave off reality no matter how hard you try.

Anyway, it's France and Argentina. And that's as it should be.

But, damn. Didn't you want to see those Moroccan fans light the place up with their joy one last time?

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

The new guy

 What the Blob knows about Ryan Walters you could put in a thimble and it would wind up on the floor, because it's so microscopic it would just leak through the holes in the thimble.

But here's what I do know: The man knows how to make an entrance.

First thing Purdue's new football coach did when he met his new players was point at running back Devin Mockobee  and declare he was pulling rank. As of that minute, Walters said, Mockobee was now a scholarship player.

That certainly would have happened anyway, given Mockobee's emergence as a premier back. But Walters' timing was impeccable, because it instantly won him the room.

I don't know how that translates to Ws. I do know Purdue didn't need a whole lot of time to decide Walters was their guy -- a week, to be exact.

To be sure, he's only 36 years old, and he's never been a head coach before, and he's not an offensive guy. The last time Purdue hired someone who wasn't an offensive guy, it was Leon Burtnett 40 years ago. Burtnett won just 21 games in five seasons.

Even though he had Jim Everett playing quarterback during that time.

Even though he had Rod Woodson, perhaps the greatest athlete ever to play football at Purdue.

So here comes this defensive phenom, and, frankly, you have a right to look at this hire with a raised eyebrow, if you're Boiler Nation. He's young, he's new to the job, he's ...  young.

But here's the thing: He's really, really good at what he does. Really good.

He came in with Bret Bielema to run the defense at Illinois, and in two seasons transformed it from one of the worst defenses in the nation into one of the best. When he arrived with Beilema in 2021, Illinois was coming off a season in which it had ranked 97th in scoring and 114th in yards given up. It was so sieve-like it gave sieves a bad name.

Less than two years later?

No. 1 in scoring. No. 2 in yards per game. No. 3 in yards per play.

Look. I get it. College football is all about scoring now -- baroque offensive schemes, stratospheric numbers. Offense sells. Offense moves the needle. And offense absolves a multitude of sins.

The high-gloss programs win because they outscore people. That's what everyone sees.

Now here comes Ryan Walters, who says you can't win consistently merely by  outscoring people.

You know what?

He's right.

Think about the Georgia team that won the national title last year, and what you remember first is its defense. Alabama and Clemson, who traded the national title every other year for awhile there, had glitter offensively but grounded it by suffocating people defensively when they had to. 

As for Purdue, a lot depends on who Walters picks as his offensive coordinator. I'm guessing he'll get someone good, because it's Purdue. You have the sort of lineage Purdue does on that side of the ball -- particularly at quarterback and wide receiver -- good people are going to show up on your doorstep.

I mean, who wouldn't want to coach the next Bob Griese? Or Drew Brees? Or Rondale Moore or David Bell?

So even with Walters running the show, it's unlikely Purdue will suddenly go from Quarterback U. to Linebacker U. There'll still be quarterbacks, but the linebackers will be a lot better.

This is an exceedingly sunny outlook, of course, and probably naive. There are a dozen ways this could go sideways, after all. Not the least of which is the fact we could sit here all day naming hotshot coordinators who've washed out as head coaches.

But for now?

The Blob chooses not to be its usual dour self. Guilty of sunshine, your honor.

Swordplay and wordplay

 I never got to listen live to Mike Leach hold court. 

I never got to hear him veer off on wild tangents -- history, politics, social issues, you name it -- or talk about swinging your sword or releasing your inner pirate or any of the other buccaneer imagery of which he was so fond. He was a piece of work in news conferences, Leach was, and I never got to watch him work.

I figure my sportswriting career, terrific as it was, takes an L for that.

Leach, the head football coach at Mississippi State, died Monday in a hospital in Jackson, Miss., after suffering what was reportedly a massive heart attack Sunday. He was 61, and a man of many parts: Student of history, football mad scientist, at one point allegedly a bully to some of his players. But endlessly fascinating.

There are people in this world so uninteresting you're never tempted to wonder how their minds work, only whether or not they actually have one. Leach was the opposite. Leach was a guy about whom you always wondered how his mind worked, and what sent it down the odd pathways is sometimes followed.

From a football standpoint, he was a damn genius, inventing some contraption called the Air Raid offense that asked the question "What would happen if we took the West Coast/spread offense and went completely nuts with it?" And thus was born an offensive scheme that strung receivers like Christmas lights and threw and threw and threw, and then threw some more.

Leach won with that offense at Texas Tech and won with it at Washington State and was winning with it at Mississippi State. In the last game he coached, the Bulldogs beat Ole Miss in the Egg Bowl rivalry game to finish 8-4 and head off to the ReliQuest Bowl on January 2.

It's a measure of how he was regarded by his players that they've declared they'll go ahead and play the game in his honor.

It's a measure of Leach's eclectic nature that what came to my mind first when I heard he'd died were two things: Rick Majerus, and the TV show "Friday Night Lights."

Rick Majerus because, like Leach, he was a savant at his profession -- coaching college basketball -- and because, 24 years ago, I sat in news conference at the Final Four and listened to him talk about everything under the sun, a lot of it only peripherally related to basketball. Like Leach, he was a man of many parts and enthusiasms, and thus endlessly fascinating.

And "Friday Night Lights"?

Well, I thought of that because I remembered the cameo he made one season late in the show's run. In the scene, East Dillon coach Eric Taylor (Kyle Chandler) is sitting in his car at a gas station feeling low when a man comes up to ask for directions to Lubbock.

It is, of course, Leach. Who then launches into a pep talk, telling Coach Taylor he needs to find his "inner pirate" and start swinging his sword again.

"You might be the luckiest man alive and not even know it," he says.

Words to live by.

Tuesday, December 13, 2022

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 14

And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the festive Blob feature of which critics have said "Is that tinsel in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?", and also "You know, back in Tom Brady's day, we didn't get festive until Christmas Eve":

1. "Who's that old guy out there?" (America, watching Tom Brady and the Buccaneers get squashed 35-7 by the 49ers, who were playing their third-string quarterback)

2. "It's WHO?  When did he get so OLD?" (Also America, upon being told it was Tom Brady)

3. "Hey! Lookit me! Lookit how good I'm doing!" (Brock Purdy, the aforementioned third-string quarterback)

4. "Hey! Lookit us! Lookit how good we're doing!" (The Lions, who crushed the division-leading Vikings and might actually be good now)

5. Meanwhile, the Colts!

6. Did NOT lose to Bye. Although it was close.

7. "Man, I wish I had Brock Purdy." (Colts interim coach Jeff Saturday, who's instead staying with Matt Ryan, the Walker That Walks Like A Man)

8. "Dak Prescott is THE MAN!" (Cowboys fans, after Prescott led a game-winning drive to rescue the W against the 1-11-1 Houston Texans)

9. "Dude, you almost lost to the Texans." (America)

10. "Dak Prescott is THE MAN!" (Cowboys fans, only louder this time to drown out everyone pointing out that it was the Texans)

Monday, December 12, 2022

Nurture, meet nature

 USC quarterback Caleb Williams won the Heisman Trophy the other night, which was not surprising because Caleb Williams is a ridiculous talent who in his best moments does the sort of Patrick Mahomes things of which only Patrick Mahomes used to be capable.

The guy can flat play. And because he's too young yet to declare for the NFL draft, there's an excellent chance he could be the first player since Archie Griffin almost 50 years ago to win back-to-back Heismans.

For this, some people say, he has his head coach Lincoln Riley to thank.

The Blob's take is that a guy with Williams skill set could have James Whitcomb Riley as a head coach and still be who he is.

What sent me down this path was reading (or hearing) somewhere that Williams is the third Heisman quarterback Riley has coached in six years as a head coach, implying he's some sort of quarterback whisperer/sorcerer. This might be true, but it should be noted that, as head coach at two elite schools (Oklahoma and USC), he hasn't exactly been coaching Nathan Peterman.

His first Heisman winner was Baker Mayfield, who landed at Oklahoma a fully formed talent after becoming the first freshman walk-on in history to start his first game at Texas Tech. He went on to become the Big 12 Offensive Freshman of the Year.

After which he transferred to OU, where three seasons later he won the Heisman.

A year later Kyler Murray made it two Heismans in a row for OU, again without much surprise. Murray, after all, was a generational multi-sport talent who likely would have been a major-league baseball player had he not chosen football. 

So, again, a guy who would have flourished with anyone's tutelage. As is Williams -- an instant sensation as a freshman at OU when he took the starting job from Spencer Rattler, a preseason Heisman favorite.

Now, this is not to say Lincoln Riley isn't a superb college football coach. He is. This season he took over a bag of hammers at USC and turned them into, well, USC again. The Trojans finished 11-2 after going 4-8 last year with roughly the same bunch of goobers.

So, the man can coach. But when you have a Caleb Williams, how much do you really have to, at least where the quarterback position is concerned?

Nature vs. nurture: The endless chicken-or-egg debate.

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Random Sunday musings

 It's another slate-gray morning here in our December Without Snow, perfect for a mug-a-joe in my favorite Civil War receptacle (Remember the Iron Brigade!), and a few idle thoughts about a busy Saturday in sports. And as every Blobophile knows, when it comes to idle thoughts, none are more idle than mine.

("You got that right," you're saying)

Anyway, on with the show, as they say ...

* Morocco is my new favorite soccer side.

Not just because the Moroccos shocked the world again yesterday, beating favored Portugal 1-0 to become the first African nation (and first Arab nation) to reach a World Cup semifinal. It's because of the gutsy way they played shorthanded the last few minutes of injury time and still hung the W. It's because the reason they were playing shorthanded was because of a completely bogus red card meted out to Walid Cheddira.

It's because they hung the W despite playing without two injured starters, and despite losing their center-back in the 57th minute. 

Also, their counterattack is splendid and daring and a joy to watch.

Also, their goalkeeper, Yassine Bounou, is splendid and daring and a joy to watch.

And, finally: Their nickname is the Atlas Lions. 

How do you not love that?

* In other World Cup news, defending champion France served up more heartbreak for England, beating the Brits 2-1 in a game in which English star Harry Kane missed a penalty kick. Because, you know, it's England, so of course he did.

And because the Blob's mind tends to follow its own weird path, and because (as you might have guessed) I'm a Civil War nerd from way back, I wondered something.

When the Yankees broke up Pickett's Charge on the third day at Gettysburg, some of them chanted "Fredericksburg! Fredericksburg!", a mocking reference to the Confederates own repulse of the Union Army's multiple assaults on Marye's Heights seven months earlier.

Well ... centuries ago, the French were routed by English longbowmen at Agincourt.

So you suppose the French chanted "Agincourt! Agincourt!" after yesterday's win?

OK. So, nah.

* Indiana lost by 14 to No. 10 Arizona in Las Vegas last night, which suggested a few things to the Blob.

1. Indiana misses stellar freshman Jalen Hood-Schifino at the point. The Hoosiers just aren't the same team without him.

2. Getting down 19 to a team that can shoot threes and rebound and defend as well as Arizona does is not a terrific strategy.

3. Whittling that deficit to three with 11 or so minutes to play showed Indiana has some gumption in its belly, especially on a night when it got outrebounded by 10 and missed 40 of 69 shots.

4. Miller Kopp, on the other hand, can shoot the rock. I suspect he might have worked on it a bit during the summer.

5. Arizona is a lot better team than its No. 10 ranking suggests. I mean, the Wildcats are good.

* Last but not least, Army rallied to beat Navy 20-17 in two overtimes in the annual rivalry game that best exemplifies what college football used to be and no longer is. 

Actual students (and future leaders of our military) gettin' after one another in a grudge match that goes back 123 years. And which for the most part doesn't involve carpetbagging coaches and rent-a-stud players seeking only to improve their draft status.

Who knew?

Saturday, December 10, 2022

The weight of work

Renowned soccer writer Grant Wahl dropped dead in a pressbox in Qatar yesterday, and there but for the grace of God. It might be an excess of drama to say his job killed him, but that it was at least an accomplice seems obvious.

From Wahl's website:

 My body finally broke down on me. Three weeks of little sleep, high stress and lots of work can do that to you. What had been a cold over the last 10 days turned into something more severe on the night of the USA-Netherlands game. I could feel my upper chest take on a new level of pressure and discomfort ...

And there I'll stop, because a memory has come back to me.

Forty-two years distant, it's of another man with another cold. And how it, too, turned catastrophic.

What happened to Grant Wahl in a pressbox in 2022, see, happened to a man named Bob Fuller in a high school gym in Lapel, In., one night in 1980. And his job was at least an accomplice, too.

Fuller was the basketball coach at Highland High School in Anderson, an intensely driven man who used to paper over the windows of the gym to keep nosy nellies from observing his practices. You could say he was a bit paranoid.

He also was a genius at implementing the zone defense, the wellspring of his teams' success. No one played zone like Highland played zone. The discipline of his players, and the intricate choreography with which they shifted in concert on the defensive end, were unmatched. They were the hallmarks of Fuller's teams, and he even wrote a book about the zone.

That particular week in 1980, Fuller, too, was suffering from a cold that had settled in his chest. He was, to put it plainly, sick as a dog. But he kept his foot on the gas, as was his nature. And he was on the bench that Friday night at Lapel.

By halftime, his distress was obvious. Lapel's coach, Dallas Hunter, even went to the locker room with an offer to end the game right there. Fuller, being Fuller, declined.

No sooner had the words come out of his mouth than his eyes rolled up and he collapsed. Later that night, he died. 

Bob Fuller was just 40 years old.

Grant Wahl, on the other hand, was only 48.

And if it's too much to say, again, that the job killed them, they shared the same drive to do that job right, no matter what. For Fuller, there was a game to coach, and so he coached it. And for Wahl ...

Well. He spent two decades at Sports Illustrated, where he became known not just for his soccer and college basketball coverage but for SI's cover story on a high school phenom named LeBron James. In Qatar, he was one of 82 journalists honored for covering eight consecutive World Cups. By then, he had left SI to start his own website; he'd also been a contributor for Fox Sports from 2012 to 2019.

As part of his coverage, Wahl had been present for every game in Qatar. He wrote stories. He did a podcast. In the last one, he said he had bronchitis and had been treated at the medical center, but "you can probably tell from my voice I'm not at it at 100 percent here. Hopefully I will not cough during this podcast. I'm coughing a lot."

The next day he was dead.

One of the smartest observations ever made is that everyone's job is harder than people think it is. I can't speak to the coaching profession, but I can, as a print sports journalist for 40 years, speak to the stresses of that job. The weight of the work has always been heavy, but never more so than now, with staffs cut to the bone and podcasts, video and blogs now part of the coverage mix. And of course the stress goes hand-in-hand with that.

Particularly if, like Grant Wahl, you were driven to do the job the way it should be done, because that's what your audience deserved.

I am not now nor ever was in the same galaxy as Wahl, nor remotely had the same sort of pressures. But part of the reason I stepped away from the profession when I did, a few months before my 60th birthday, is because I could feel myself beginning to wear down. I was working six days every week and often seven, because that's what the job entailed. I loved what I was doing, always did, but it was turning me into someone I didn't like: Snappish, easily annoyed, angry at nothing.

So I walked away.  Didn't want to keel over in a pressbox somewhere, I liked to joke.

Yesterday, in a completely different universe than some small town Indiana sportswriter, Grant Wahl did keel over.

And so, once more: There but for the grace of God.

Friday, December 9, 2022

The Griner conundrum

These things never go clean. Perhaps that's where we start today.

Brittney Griner stepped off a plane in San Antonio at zero dark thirty this morning, and a good chunk of America seems to wish she was still on Devil's Island or whatever the Russians call the penal colony where she was imprisoned. This might be unfair, but so is what that chunk of America is saying.

They say she "hates America" (she doesn't; she just hates the way it treats some of its citizens). They say she broke Russian law, and therefore all but deserved to be held for 294 days as a bargaining chip in the ongoing Russia-U.S. cold war over Vladimir Putin's bloody aggression. 

Siding with a murderous dictatorship over an American citizen it's holding hostage. Let that one marinate for a minute.

And while you're at that, consider a nation so riven with bitter divides it can't just celebrate getting an American back home, the way America did when the POWs came home from Vietnam or Iran released the embassy hostages. No one picked at the strands of those deals. No one obsessed over who won and who lost, or what if anything the U.S. gave up.

But Griner is a black gay professional basketball player, and one of those annoying kneelers, and a retired Marine named Paul Whelan is still imprisoned in Russia. And for Griner, the U.S. exchanged a notorious former arms dealer named Viktor Bout, who was once known as the Merchant of Death and thus provided a convenient headline for publications/websites of a certain bent.

U.S. RELEASES MERCHANT OF DEATH FOR BASKETBALL PLAYER WHO HATES AMERICA! 

BASKETBALL PLAYER WHO HATES AMERICA FREED SO MERCHANT OF DEATH CAN KILL MORE AMERICANS!

And of course: BIDEN LEAVES MARINE BEHIND!

The Blob's take is there sure are a whole lot of experts in international hostage negotiations out there all of a sudden.

It also reiterates: These things never go clean.

Which is to say, this isn't a basketball game, where there's a scoreboard and a game clock and at the end of it there is one winner and one loser. Winners can be losers in this game, and losers can be winners. And so Brittney Griner is free, but Paul Whelan still isn't; Brittney Griner is free, but so is the one-time Merchant of Death.

I don't like this muddiness, this conundrum, any better than you do. In fact I wondered, when the news broke, why the hell the Biden Administration didn't get Whelan out, too, if it was going to give up a Viktor Bout.

Time lends perspective (though not to everyone, clearly). And 24 hours later, I have a little.

I understand now that Viktor Bout was a mostly retired Merchant of Death when he was nabbed in a sting operation in 2008, and he has been in U.S custody since. And he's served almost two-thirds of what was a minimum sentence to begin with; convicted in 2011, he was scheduled for release in 2029.

So it's not as as if he hasn't paid at least some price for his dark deeds.  And after 15 years in stir, whatever arms network he had is presumably long gone. It's not even the same world anymore.

So to suggest he's going to take up where he left off and get more Americans killed probably isn't realistic.

And Paul Whelan?

Part of the reason Griner was in the Russians' hands for so long is because the U.S. was trying for the twofer: Griner and Whelan both, or no deal. At one point, according to U.S. officials, Bout was offered straight up for Whelan. The Russians said nyet. They put Whelan's case in a different category, since he was convicted of espionage. 

So it was Griner or nothing. And the U.S. continues to push for Whelan's release, as an administration official maintains it's been doing since "the earliest days of this administration." 

The degree to which it's done that, of course, is open to interpretation. But it sure doesn't sound as if anyone's "leaving a Marine behind," as the overheated rhetoric maintains.

In the meantime, I'm wondering if all the caterwauling about trading the Merchant of Death for an American imprisoned by a hostile regime might have sounded different had the Russians had gone for the Bout-for-Whelan deal. I have a feeling we would have heard scarcely a peep from the precincts screeching about it now.

This is because Whelan is, yes, a retired Marine, and Brittney Griner is just an athlete. 

This is because, not only that, she isn't properly appreciative (in their eyes) of all the blessings America has bestowed upon her in her lucrative-but-frivolous occupation.

Blessings like, I don't know, the obvious contempt of some of her countrymen, perhaps? And their inability to just say "welcome home" without adding "but, you know, we shoulda got Whelan out first"?

What a world. What. A. World.

Thursday, December 8, 2022

The pull of home

 Jeff  Brohm gave us a peek at his future, if only we'd had our eyes and ears open. It was 2018, and his alma mater had just sent out the Brohm Signal, beckoning him home to Louisville. And Brohm turned them down.

But it was what he didn't say at the time that presaged what happened yesterday, when Louisville beckoned again and Brohm couldn't say no twice.

He didn't say, "Purdue is my home and my heart."

He didn't say, "I'll be here as long as they'll have me."

He didn't say, "I could never leave a place that has both a little train and the World's Largest Drum."

No. What he said was this: The timing wasn't right.

Which implied that at some point it would be.

That point was yesterday, and good on him. Thomas Wolfe might have said you can never go home again, but Thomas Wolfe lied. You can always go home again, because the pull of home is eternal. And so Brohm will.

The practical Purdue fan will wish him well for that, because the practical Purdue fan always knew this day would come. It's a transient business at the top, college football, and coaches at that level are more than anything else creatures of business. They're mecenaries who'll stay in one place until a better deal comes along, and then they'll move on.

What the practical Purdue fan will say about that is Jeff Brohm is less mercenary than most.

The Brian Kellys and Lincoln Rileys leave for money and titles, not for love, but you can't put Brohm on that shelf. He really is leaving for love, because the money Louisville reportedly will pay him isn't much more than he was making in West Lafayette. So good on him for that, too.

That he leaves Purdue far better than he found it is a credit to both him and his dedication to the job, and the thanks of a grateful Boiler Nation should be his due for that. He took over a program that fell down under Danny Hope and couldn't get up under Darrell Hazell, and he made it a winner again.

He took Purdue to two bowl games in his first two seasons, and won them both. Beat Indiana four times in five tries. Went 17-9 in his last two seasons -- including 9-4 last year and 8-5 this year, when Purdue won the Big Ten West.

In short, he did what Joe Tiller did 25 years ago: He made Purdue football matter again. Especially to Purdue.

And now?

Now he moves on, as everyone does these days. Now he goes home, just in time for Christmas.

And that's as storybook an ending as you'll get these days.

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Exciting baseball news!

 And, no, it's not about Fred McGriff sailing into the Hall of Fame on a unanimous vote.

It's abo-

"No," you're saying.

About th-

"If you say the words 'Pittsburgh Pirates', I swear I'll scream," you're saying.

About the Pittsb-

"GAAAAAHHH!!" you just screamed, right on cue.

Because, yes, Blobophiles, the exciting baseball news IS about the Pittsburgh Pirates. My very own Cruds! Worst organization in MLB, with the most  money-grubbing owner! Transfer portal for future stars to all the real MLB clubs!

Well, guess what? 

They're gonna get a chance to shove even MORE future stars into that portal!

This is because, in the first MLB draft lottery yesterday, the Cruds did something with which they're highly unfamiliar, They actually won.

 They drew the No. 1 pick in next year's draft, and suck on that, losers. This of course means the Cruds will have the pick of the 2023 litter, which in turn means one of two things:

1. They'll pick a kid who'll develop some sort of baroque chronic injury and flame out in high-A.

2. They'll pick a kid who'll blossom into Mike Trout or Fernando Tatis Jr., and then, when it's time to pay him Mike Trout or Fernando Tatis Jr. money, they'll trade him to the Red Sox. 

Or the Yankees. Or the Dodgers. Or some other franchise that's serious about winning.

But today is not the day for such gloomy thoughts. Today, my Cruds are actually winners.

Pardon me while I gloat. I get so few chances, after all.

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 13

 And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the ageless Blob feature of which critics have said "Meh, it's lost a step", and also "Just wait 'til this geezer faces a Blob that can still climb a flight of stairs without assistance!":

1. "Hey, Rest Home Tom! Whatcha gonna do NOW?" (The New Orleans Saints, up 16-3 on Tom Brady and Buccaneers with four minutes to play)

2. "Wha--??" (The Saints, after Brady engineers two scoring drives in the last 3:03 to pull out a 17-16 win)

3. "Lookit us! We got us a nine-point lead! We got this young dude, Justin Fields, running and throwing and looking, you know, young! WHO OWNS WHOM NOW, REST HOME AARON??" (The Chicago Bears, leading Aaron Rodgers and the Packers 19-10 going into the fourth quarter)

4. "Wha--??" (The Bears, after Rodgers and the Packers score 18 points in the fourth quarter to win again, 28-19)

5. "Here, maybe this will help." (Brady and Rodgers, handing out assisted living business cards to the Saints and Bears)

6. Meanwhile, the Bills cruise, L.A. goes 0-2, and Joe Burrow beats Patrick Mahomes again.

7. "Joe Burrow is the greatest Bengals quarterback in history! Better than Greg Cook, even!" (Bengals fans)

8. "Oh, sure, forget about me again. What am I, chopped liver?" (Ken Anderson)

9. It's Tuesday morning and Cleveland Browns quarterback/perv Deshaun Watson still hasn't produced a touchdown, not even against the cruddy Houston Texans, who still managed to lose 27-14 because, well, that's what cruddy does.

10. "Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha!" (Everyone in America outside Cleveland, gleefully reveling in the Perv's struggles)

Monday, December 5, 2022

Sunday Night Foofball

 The Indianapolis Colts have no one but the Dallas Cowboys to blame for what happened, as it turns out. If the Cowboys weren't the Cowboys, America would never have seen the Colts clomping around in clown shoes in prime time.

No, sir, if not for the Cowboys, this three rings of dumb would have been hidden behind Steelers-Falcons, Jaguars-Lions, Broncos-Ravens and the rest of the 1 p.m. slate. But the Cowboys are prime-time gold. And so instead of this game being flexed into obscurity, America got to see ...

* The Colts surrender 33 points in 11 minutes in the fourth quarter.

* Matt Ryan continue to fossilize, throwing three picks and several should-have-been-picks and losing another fumble.

* Tight end Mo Alie-Cox getting in on the fun by fumbling right to Malik Hooker, a former Colt, who returned it 38 yards for another Cowboys score.

* Extremely interim coach Jeff Saturday swallowing his challenge flag on Isaiah Rodgers' not-ruled-an-interception when the score was still 21-19 in the third quarter.

* The Colts defense knocking off early as the Cowboys went through it like George Patton's proverbial s*** through a goose in the fourth quarter.

Fourth quarter score: Cowboys 33, Colts 0.

Final score: Cowboys 54, Colts 19, the Horsies worst loss since New Orleans road-graded them 62-7 back in 2011. And almost certainly their worst loss on national TV, in prime time, in front of God and America and everybody.

Sunday Night Football?

Nah. Meet Sunday Night Foofball. And, just maybe, the 2022 version of Suck for Luck. 

Plowed for (C.J.) Stroud, anyone?  Unstrung for (Bryce) Young?

CFP is A-OK

... and, yes, I know, Alabama blah-blah-blah and Nick Saban blah-blah-blah and the Crimson Tide would beat TCU, that fraudulent high school team, by 50 or 100 or a gazillion points.

Blah-blah-blah. Blah.

Truth is, the College Football Playoff people did the honorable thing here, choosing not to screw TCU even though the Horned Frogs gave them an out. They went 12-0, winning every week as folks kept saying they were gonna lose this time, and then lost in overtime in the Big 12 title game to Kansas State, itself a top-ten team.

So it was right there for the CFP, which was (the Blob senses) looking for any excuse to cast the Frogs into outer darkness.  And then the Frogs gave them that excuse.

Two-loss 'Bama eagerly waited in the wings. 

And they'll stay there, because the final verdict is this: Georgia, Michigan, TCU, Ohio State.

Of the four, Georgia clearly seems the overwhelming favorite, because everyone else looks a step slow by comparison. They rumbled through their schedule like a Sherman tank, mashing everyone they played by at least 10 points except for Missouri. The Tigers were the Bulldogs' only close call, a 26-22 verdict in which Georgia trailed 16-6 at the half and 19-12 after three quarters.

Then they revved up the tank and rolled over Mizzou 14-3 in the fourth quarter to avoid the upset.

Now they get Ohio State, last seen getting trucked by No. 2 Michigan in Columbus. And Michigan gets TCU, whom almost everyone in America thinks is a massive fraud who'll be embarrassed by the Wolverines 52-7 or some such thing.

The Blob's brazen take: We'll see.

As will Alabama, which shouldna oughta lost two games if it wanted in on the party -- including a loss in overtime to LSU, which went on to get splattered 50-30 by Georgia in the SEC title game.

Imagine what Georgia would have done to the Tide had the CFP blackjacked TCU to slide Nick Saban's crew into the 4-hole.

Speaking of, you know, embarrassments.

Sunday, December 4, 2022

Letter for a day: "L"

Saturday was not exactly a day of days for the good old US of A, or for certain precincts within it. 

It happens. Sometimes you win; sometimes you get schooled by Hans Brinker and Johan Cruyff 'n' them.

Or you head east feeling like a million bucks, and Rutgers drops New Jersey on your head.

Or you play a better football team tough for a half, the way some folks suspected you might, only to watch the better football team demonstrate why it's better by grinding you down in the second half.

And so, Netherlands 3, U.S. 1 in the World Cup in Qatar.

And Rutgers 63, Indiana 48 (!) in basketball in New Brunswick, N.J. 

And Michigan 43, Purdue 22 in the Big Ten Championship football game in Indy.

Three sports, three locations, same "L". Or not the same, actually.

In Qatar, the young U.S. men finally paid for not having a go-to striker, and got an education from the disciplined, experienced Dutch. They got to see up close what it takes to win in the knockout round, knowledge they'll no doubt file away for future reference. Four years from now, when the World Cup comes to the United States, the home side will be four years older and wiser, and  thus presumably look very much different than it did in Qatar.

If so, they'll have Clockwork Orange to thank for that, in part. And maybe this time, they'll be ready to win a knockout game as a result.

Meanwhile, in New Jersey ...

You could almost see it coming, couldn't you?

Here came your 10th-ranked Indiana Hoosiers, three days after clocking defending national champion North Carolina by 12 in a game that wasn't that close. And here was Rutgers, unranked but always dangerous in its own house.

For three days, the Hoosiers had been reading and hearing all the Indiana Is Back! business that blooms like a hardy perennial every time they beat someone of note. They were riding a high, which frequently is an excellent place to be brought low. And so they were.

Trace Jackson-Davis had a minor double-double (13 and 10), Miller Kopp went for 21 and stuck 5-of-9 tries from behind the 3-point arc, and everyone else ... vanished. The Hoosiers got six points off their bench. Two starters (Race Thompson and Trey Galloway) did not score. Xavier Johnson missed nine of the 11 shots he got up, emblematic an Indiana team that shot 30.4 percent (17-of-56) and 24 percent (6-of-25) from 3-point.

So what does this tell us?

Well ... that Indiana is a really good team that can be really bad when the circumstances are right. And they were all kinds of right for all kinds of reasons yesterday.

But enough about that. Let's move on to Purdue, and football.

The Blob suspected this wasn't going to be a walkover for No. 3 Michigan, and for a half the Blob was right. Michigan and Purdue traded punches in the first half, which ended with Michigan clinging to a 14-13 lead. 

But Donovan Edwards, on his way to a 185-yard night, ripped off a 60-yard run on the first play of the second half, and Kalel Mullings burrowed in from a yard out to cash the six.  Then Edwards busted out a 27-yard score, and the Wolverines had put the Boilers in their wake for keeps.

 The Boilermakers did outgain the Wolverines (456 yards to 386), piled up 27 first downs to Michigan's 17, and Aidan O'Connell did Aidan O'Connell things, throwing for 366 yards. But he also threw two picks and zero touchdowns, as Purdue repeatedly ran aground in the red zone; the Boilers got there six times but cashed only five field goals and a touchdown for their troubles.

As Purdue Jeff Brohm said later, matching touchdowns with field goals rarely results in W's". And it didn't this time.

Some days the letter for the day is "L." It happens.

Saturday, December 3, 2022

A-portaling we will go

Big fan of comeuppance that it is, the Blob loves him some transfer portal-ing. Few things are more satisfying than watching arrogant institutions get hoist by their own petard -- and the transfer portal is Exhibit A for that in college football.

It's introduced utter chaos into the whole money-grubbing mess, and there's a measure of hilarity in that. After all, it's not every day you see a business go from operating like a plantation ("You are to remain the property of Big Deal U. until WE say you can leave") to complete anarchy ("Aw, hell, go wherever you want whenever you want") in a virtual blink of the eye.

(Also, every time the Blob hears the words "transfer portal", it sees this. Scratch a Blob, find a Trekkie.) 

In any event, the latest portal-ing adventure involves Notre Dame, and in particular Notre Dame's starting quarterback. His name is Drew Pyne, and he lost the job to Tyler Buchner in the preseason and then won it back and kept it after Buchner was injured. All Notre Dame did after that was reel off eight wins in nine games.

Drew Pyne didn't win those games for the Irish, mind you. But he did nothing to lose them, either.

Now he's entering the portal, even though the Blob suspects it was no sure thing he wouldn't have beaten out a healthy Buchner for the job in 2023. This means he won't be playing in whatever bowl game the Irish draw, which is a big deal only to fossils like the Blob.

I mean, let's face it. Here in the Days of Chaos, every postseason game except for three is just a cash-grab exhibition for the schools that didn't make the College Football Playoff. Even the Rose Bowl is likely to get an also-also-ran after Ohio State backs into the CFP thanks to USC blowing it in the Pac-12 championship.

But enough about that. More intriguing is what Pyne entering the portal suggests about Notre Dame and the portal.

Which is that Pyne bailing hints he caught wind of the Irish going portal fishing for their own defector QB.

This sounds more logical than Pyne leaving simply because he might have to beat out Tyler Buchner again. Sounds more like Marcus Freeman either has some disgruntled quarterback on the hook, or he's actively looking for one. 

It's the Days of Chaos, after all. Working the transfer portal is a required skill set for any successful head coach now.

Something else we fossils need to get used to.

Your upset kinda-alert for today ...

... which is another way of saying, this is not where the Blob boldly predicts a mammoth Purdue upset in the Big Ten championship game tonight.

This is where the Blob says it wouldn't be the first time it happened. 

As Adam Rittenberg of ESPN points out here, the reason why the Boilermakers have occasionally been nicknamed the Spoilermakers is because Purdue has an eerie habit of ruining expectations/assumptions on the football field. It's in the Boilers DNA. you might say. So don't go into tonight thinking Michigan's a lock to drop a 45-14 extinction event on the Purdues or anything.

This is not to say it won't happen. It's not to say you won't be able to switch over to "NCIS: New Orleans" reruns at the end of the third quarter. It's just to say it's not a lock.

The assumption is Purdue does not live in the same neighborhood as unbeaten Michigan, especially after the way the Wolverines annihilated archrival (and equally unbeaten) Ohio State in Columbus last weekend. But a couple of things you might want to consider:'

1. Purdue's been a much bigger underdog than 17 points and won. So maybe the Boilers have Michigan right where they want them.

2. Michigan whipped Ohio State largely because the Buckeyes chose to employ an utterly foolish defensive scheme. They basically told the Wolverines "Go deep on us all you want. We won't mind." And even at that, it was a four-point game going into the fourth quarter.

3. Utah 47, USC 24.

That was the score of the Pac-12 title game last night, a game everyone in America assumed USC was going to win. But USC quarterback  Caleb Williams plinked a hammy in the first quarter, Trojans coach Lincoln Riley unaccountably let him play on even though he could barely move by the second half, and the Utes laid a 30-7 lamination on Tommy Trojan in the second half.

This undoubtedly came as a shock to all the social media folks who were already looking forward to USC vs. Georgia after the Trojans jumped out to a 17-3 lead. And who were assuring us all there was NO WAY IN HELL Utah, which earlier handed USC its only loss, could beat the Trojans twice.

Um, well ...

Well, if Jim Harbaugh's as smart as he seems to have gotten this year, he's no doubt made his Wolverines very aware of all that. As has Purdue coach Jeff Brohm with his Boilers.

And so, tee it up.

And take Purdue and the points. Just a suggestion.

Friday, December 2, 2022

Apples, meet oranges

OK, so I wasn't going to say any more about this, but then LeBron James had to speak up. And now I feel compelled to once more point out a few things, most of which should be obvious.

What Lebron said the other day, see, is he was disappointed media types didn't ask him about Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and a 65-year-old photograph, when they were all asking him about Kyrie Irving's little foray into anti-semitism.

I suppose the implication was that the media's reaction was about race, and how society always seems to bang on people of color while letting white folks off the hook.

Now, I've got no beef with LeBron. I think the guy's done a ton of good with the platform he has as the greatest basketball player of his generation. I'd even agree that there are lots of people out there -- a dismaying number, frankly -- who do react differently when it's a black person we're talking about as opposed to a white person. That's just the plain truth.

Problem is, this particular situation is a lousy example of that. Or no example at all.

First off, Kyrie Irving re-posting tired anti-semitic tropes happened, like, yesterday. It's current events. And it involves a prominent current NBA player who happens to have been a teammate of LeBron's. So of course the media asked LeBron about it.

That photo of Jerry Jones?

It was taken in 1957. Jerry Jones was a kid. And all he's doing in the photo is standing at the back of a crowd watching some good old boys harass six black students who are trying to integrate a high school in Little Rock, Ark.

Lots of folks who should know better think this means Jones, who's freaking 80 years old now, is a racist who hasn't changed a bit since he was 14 or 15 years old, even though almost every single person on the face of the earth does. So they think he should publicly denounce racism based on a 65-year-old photo in which he's committing no other offense than rubbernecking.

Sometimes I despair for America.

Look. I don't know much, but I do know that in the 65 years between that photo and today, Jerry Jones likely has denounced racism dozens of times over -- if not in word, then in deed. And if he'd been screaming at those black kids or waving a baseball bat at them or suggestively dangling a noose in front of them with an evil grin, then he'd have some 'splainin to do. Sixty-five years or not.

But he wasn't doing any of that. And so what exactly do people want from him?

Gee, guys, I'm sorry I grew up in Little Rock in the 1950s, and I'm sorry I happened to be there that day 65 years ago, and I'm sorry I got caught rubbernecking because I was a dumb kid who just wanted to see what was going on, like any other dumb kid. I now realize that rubbernecking is racism, and I denounce it.

Something like that? Seriously?

Point is, Kyrie and Jerry Jones are apples and oranges, and that's as clear as a winter's night. I'm disappointed LeBron can't see the difference in context. I'm disappointed a lot of folks can't see that.

Yeesh. Sometimes I REALLY despair for America.

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Hoosier (and more) rising

 OK. So now we know know, I guess.

Now what was promised in recruiting, and hinted at in wins over Whatsamattu U. and Measly Tech and the like, has come to fruition, and it was the students who figured it out first. They're the ones who camped out overnight in the rain and plunging temperatures to get into the Hall. They're the ones who knew, with this Indiana team on the national stage for the first time, that this Indiana team was going to send lordly North Carolina back to Chapel Hill in sandwich bags.

And so it came to pass, not to get all Biblical or anything.

Before a howling mob dressed like a Midwestern blizzard -- it was white-out night in the Hall -- the 10th-ranked Hoosiers snowed in a Tar Heels team that was ranked No. 1 a couple of weeks ago, and that still has major components from the team that reached the national championship game in April. The final was 77-65. and it wasn't that close.

The Hoosiers won with marquee nights from Trace Jackson-Davis (21 points, 10 rebounds, four assists, four blocks), Xavier Johnson (20 points, eight rebounds, four assists), Jalen Hood-Schifino (14 points, six boards, two assists and a steal) and Trey Galloway (11 points, three rebounds, two assists and a steal). They won with floor burns and stubbornness on the defensive end, holding Carolina to 34 percent shooting and 5-of-18 from the 3-point arc. 

Indiana teams have been ranked in the top ten before in the long years since Saint Bob the Knight, but somehow it always felt like a con when they were. This feels different, and not just because Mike Woodson has brought back gumption and pride to a program that has too often played like it was Just Another Basketball Program in the last two decades (because too often it was). This feels different because it feels legit.

And do you know the best part?

That a couple of hours north in West Lafayette, there's another legit basketball team. It wears black-and-gold and it doesn't like Indiana at all.

Last week that basketball team, your Purdue Boilermakers, simply dismantled two snobbish elites (Gonzaga and Duke) and another perennially robust basketball school (West Virginia), and last night they went down to Tallahassee and beat Florida State by 10. Zach Edey (25 points, eight boards) did more Zach Edey things. Freshman point guard Braden Smith (13 points, nine rebounds, seven assists) had another For God's Sake Why Didn't We Recruit This Kid night. And the Boilers went to 7-0 on the season, same as Indiana.

Purdue is No. 5 in the latest ESPN poll. Indiana, as noted, is 10th. It's the first time both schools have been ranked in the top ten since 1998.

Knight was still at IU then. Gene Keady was still at Purdue. So, you know, the glory days, basically.

Now?

Now tell me those days aren't back. And rejoice when you can't.

Oh, and one other thing.

Circle February 4 on your calendar. 

That's when Purdue heads south to Bloomington to play IU. And a rivalry becomes a Rivalry again.

Wednesday, November 30, 2022

One for the team

Alrighty then, Netherlands. Bring your Hans Brinker asses over here and get you some.

We're feeling feisty, we Americans, because Our Boys beat Iran yesterday 1-0, and you should have seen how they did it. With guts. With style. With the most supreme of sacrifices.

Which is to say, Christian Pulisic scored in the 38th minute, splitting two defenders in the box to side-kick a header cross past the Iranian keeper. 

After which he crashed into said keeper, um, ballsack-first.

He left the game with what was called a pelvic contusion, the official medical term for getting kneed in the twigs and berries. It doesn't get much more sacrificial than that, boys and girls. Pulisic not only took one for the team, he took two for the team, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, after that the U.S. side played to protect the lead, which of course led to a number of narrow escapes in the last 20 minutes or so. The Blob does not understand this strategy, but the Blob makes no claim to any advanced knowledge of soccer/futbol. Perhaps this was USMNT coach Gregg Berhalter doing the prudent thing, the logical thing, the advanced-knowledge thing.

In any event, he made the right moves again, and now it's on to the round of 16 match with the Dutch on Saturday. The Blob lost track of Clockwork Orange about the time the late Johan Cruyff retired, and now Robin Van Persie and Arjan Robben have hung it up, too. So I got nothin' on the Hans Brinkers. 

But as far as I know, none of them took a nutshot to advance his team to the knockout rounds, so the U.S. has that going for it. Latest word from Pulisic is he says he'll be ready on Saturday, don't you doubt it.

Wouldn't wanna be you, Netherlands.

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 12

 And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the perpetually irritating Blob feature of which critics have said "Damn, it's so irritating!", and also "Gaaah! I can't stop ITCHING!":

1. "Yay! The Steelers AND the Colts on Monday Night Football ..." (America)

2. "... sucks just as hard as we thought it would!" (Also America)

3. "Is this game ever gonna START?" (America at halftime)

4. "Whatta you mean? Matt Ryan already has a Matt Ryan hat trick -- a fumble, an interception and a sack!" (Colts fans)

5. Meanwhile, in New York, the Chicago Bears lose 31-10 to the awful Jets as a beat-up Justin Fields doesn't play.

6. Instead, a less beat-up Trevor Siemian plays after the Bears initially consider playing backup-backup QB Nathan Peterman.

7. "What? Nathan Peterman's still in the league??" (America)

8. "YES I'M STILL HERE BITCHES! DEAL WITH IT!" (Nathan Peterman)

9. Back in Indy, it's now Tuesday morning.

10. And the Colts finally made a first down.

Monday, November 28, 2022

Boiler (going) up

 I don't know where the Purdue men's basketball team will be ranked when they roll out the new polls this week. But I doubt it will begin with a "2".

Unless it IS "2". Or perhaps even "1."

Doubt that will happen, because the Boilermakers, ranked 24th going into the Phil Knight Legacy tournament, aren't going to make that astounding a leap. You could argue they should, but the logistics of the polls don't allow for it.

What the Boilers did, see, was go out to Portland, Ore., and win the whole deal.

Along the way, they obliterated West Virginia by 12, No. 6 Gonzaga by 18 and No. 8 Duke by 19.

Which is to say, this is some team Matt Painter has put together, the earliness of the returns notwithstanding.

The two freshman guards (Braden Smith and Homestead grad Fletcher Loyer) have been better than perhaps even Painter could have dreamed. Smith, lightly recruited by everyone but Painter, has emerged as the spiritual descendant of Scott Skiles at the point, fierce and and fearless and with court sense beyond his years. And Loyer has shown signs he's going to spend the next four years knocking down open threes.

Throw in Brandon Newman and Caleb Furst and Ethan Morton and Mason Gillis, and you've got a team with balance and poise. And we haven't even mentioned 7-4 center Zach Edey, the Project That Walks Like A Man.

Who you can now call the best low-blocks big man in the nation without sounding like an utter homer.

All them were present and accounted for as Purdue punished all comers over the weekend, including their presumed betters. This does not mean the Boilers aren't going to lay an egg or two in the next months; the season is long, roadies in the Big Ten are notoriously brutal, and everyone has off nights in the December-January-February slog. But they're not going to lay as many as the prognosticators presumed.

And with Indiana riding high behind All-American Trace Jackson-Davis and its own pair of stickout freshmen (Malik Reneau and Jalen Hood-Schifino), the IU-Purdue rivalry seems about to become epic again.

Can't wait. 

(Update: Purdue didn’t land at 1 or 2. But the Boilers did jump from No. 24 to No. 5.)