And now this week's special Christmas edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the peace-on-Earth, goodwill-toward-men Blob feature of which critics have said nothing, on account of they're filled with the spirit of the season and have chosen to be charitable this week:
1. "What?! We never agreed to that!" (The critics)
2. "I've always thought of Christmas time ... as a good time, a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time ..." (Jakobi Meyers of the Patriots, after throwing perhaps the dumbest lateral in the history of laterals on the last play of the game, handing the Raiders a kind, forgiving, charitable win.)
3. "Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons?" (Colts fans, after watching their team blow a 33-0 halftime lead and wondering what should be done with Jeff Saturday, Matt Ryan and the whole sorry lot of them.)
4. "Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this season!" (Tom Brady, decrepit old man, surveying a year in which he turned into a 45-year-old quarterback on a crappy team that just blew a 17-0 lead and lost to the Bengals)
5. (Or: The Los Angeles Rams, after getting smoked in Green Bay to fall to 4-10 ten months after winning the Super Bowl)
6. "Spirit! I am not the man I was!" (The Detroit Lions, after beating the New York Jets, their third straight win and sixth in the last seven games)
7. (Or: The Dallas Cowboys, after blowing another one, this time to the 6-8 Jacksonville Jaguars in overtime, after leading 27-10 with 5:21 to play in the third quarter)
8. "I'll .. endeavor to help your struggling family ..." (Oh, wait. We already talked about Jakobi Meyers)
9. "I don't mind going if a lunch is provided." (Fans in Denver, anticipating the 3-10 Broncos vs. the 4-9 Cardinals)
10. (Or: Fans in New Orleans, prior to the 5-8 Falcons vs. the 4-9 Saints)
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