And now week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the hope-dashing Blob feature of which critics have said "Oh, great, now he's dashing our hopes, too! And at Christmas!", and also, "Bring your head over here and I'll show you some dashing!":
1. "Hey, look, we're somehow STILL in the playoff hunt!" (The "meh" Colts, after getting ball-peened by the equally "meh" Falcons)
2. "But you just got ball-peened by the FALCONS, for God's sake!" (Colts Nation)
3. "Yeah, but ..." (The Colts)
4. 'THE FALCONS!" (Colts Nation)
5. Meanwhile, the Chiefs!
6. Lost at home, on Christmas Day, to the Raiders, who hadn't beaten them since, I don't know, Daryle Lamonica was the Raiders quarterback.
7. "Hey, at least we play in a garbage division, so we're still in the playoff hunt!" (The Chiefs)
8. "Yeah, leave my boyfriend's team alone!" (Taylor Swift, resplendent in a Santa hat with Travis Kelce's number on it)
9. In other news, the Cowboys Cowboy-ed it up again ... the Bengals ("We're in the playoff hunt, too!") forgot they had a game this week and got crushed by the previously hapless Steelers ... the Ravens paved San Francisco with Brock Purdy and the 49ers ... and, in a rare moment of hope undashed, the Lions clinched their first division title in 30 years.
10. "Yeah, b*tches! Suck on THAT!" (The Lions, presumably)
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