Declaring victory: Some examples

 And so, as we await an electoral outcome that now seems inevitable  -- and watch with dismay as the Mad King becomes utterly, incontrovertibly unhinged in response -- the Blob has found at least some meager humor in the situation. 

It's this whole business of the Mad King insisting we stop the vote count because he's losing.

(And as a corollary, the frightening sight of a President of the United States implicitly egging on his supporters to disrupt the electoral process, and his surrogates backing his play. Lou Dobbs literally called for mob rule in Philadelphia. Tucker Carlson, that yammering twit, reminded viewers that Trump supporters own most of the guns in America, an all but open call for armed insurrection if the Mad King isn't summarily declared the victor.)

Speaking of which ...

Speaking of which, the Mad King has already declared himself the victor. In a display of full-on derangement last night, he claimed to have won states that still haven't been decided, and at least one state (Michigan) that already has been decided in favor of Joe Biden. It was like watching Hitler in the bunker at the end, moving imaginary armies around a situation map as the Russians tightened the noose on Berlin.

Disturbing as those images are, it does make it easy to make fun of Our Only Available Impeached Diseased Crazy-As-A-Bedbug President. And to imagine, as a lot of folks already have, how sporting events in particular might be different if everyone adopted his perspective ...

1. "Woo-hoo! 65 laps in and I'm leading! Where's that bottle of milk?" (12-time Indianapolis 500 champion Mario Andretti)

2. "Bobby Thomson is NOT a legitimate member of the Giants roster, so he can't bat and the game is over. We win the pennant! We win the pennant! We win the pennant!" (The 1951 National League champion Brooklyn Dodgers)

3. "Christian Laettner is NOT a legitimate member of the Duke Blue Devils. Plus he's a giant douche nozzle. So that shot does not count, and it's on to the Final Four, boys!" (The 1992 East Region champion Kentucky Wildcats)

4. "Everything that happens after the first quarter is bulls**t." (The six-time NBA champion Sacramento Kings)

5. "I win first game, so still champion. Nyet to you, spoiled little crying boy Bobby Fischer!" (1972 world chess champion Boris Spassky)

6. "What happens on this last drive DOES NOT COUNT because John Elway has a face like a horse. We win!" (1986 AFC champion Cleveland Browns)

7. "That fumble DOES NOT COUNT because Earnest Byner totally didn't mean to do it. We win!" (1987 AFC champion Cleveland Browns)

8. "We're up 3-0, so this series is over. Besides, anything that happens after this will just be the Red Sox cheating their asses off like usual. We win!" (2004 American League champion New York Yankees)

9. "There is no way we lost to the stupid Mets. NO. WAY. They must have cheated. So we claim the title!" (1969 World Series champion Baltimore Orioles)

And last but not least ...

10. "That wasn't 10 seconds. No way that was 10 seconds. Illegal count! Illegal count! I win!" (Any number of tomato cans throughout history after being knocked out in the ring)