And now a special Halloween week edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the spine-tingling Blob feature of which critics have said "My spine is tingling!" and also "Aiyeee! Oh God, my SPIIIIIIINE!":
1. The Browns! Aiyeee!
2. Hello. My name is Mitchell Trubisky and -- Aiyeee! It's the ghost of Bob Avellini!
3. On certain nights, when the fog settles in the low places and a chill not altogether natural settles over the old river town, the dead rise and walk, shambling through the streets in a manner that barely suggests they were once human.
4. Oh, wait. That's just the Bengals.
5. "Yeah, I've seen 'em," whispered the old salt, cutting bait for another day on the water. "Late at night, out there on Biscayne Bay, when the moon's right ... they rise, the creatures. They rise and moan 'Tuuuuuaaa ... Tuuuuuaaaa ...'"
6. Oh, wait. That's just the Dolphins.
7. "Oh, my God," the Cardinals moaned, huddling together in fear. "It's ... it's ... DREW BREES! He's BAAACK!"
8. With a soulless chuckle, Fangios dripping blood, Vic Fangio drained the life from another Broncos drive with another run up the middle on third-and-5.
9. "Aiyeee!" screamed Joe Flacco.
10. "Aiyeee!" screamed the Jets fan, as Sam Darnold plunged another razor-sharp interception through his heart.
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