An unbending Reed

Patrick Reed did the keepers of narrative no favors Sunday.

He didn't gag, choke, hiccup or yip on the last nine holes, which is what everyone in the known universe (including Rory McIlroy, who was three strokes in his wake after 54 holes) was sure he was going to do.

He took Rory's best punch and shook it off, and shook off Jordan Spieth even though Spieth threw a 64 at him that was one of the finest final rounds in Masters history, and shook off Rickie Fowler even though Fowler, another hugely popular man with the galleries, was gunning for a first major everyone knows is going to happen someday.

To hell with 'em all. To hell with all those lovely storylines he ruined. Life ain't no fairy tale, baby, and so the Masters got Reed shrugging into the green jacket -- a man whose life is a little too real to have, as background music, the traditional Masters tinkly piano.

Metallica, maybe. Black Sabbath, perhaps. But not tinkly piano.

Here's the thing about Reed: He's a rumpled, dumpy 2018  version of Arnold Palmer, minus the man-of-the-people charm. He got kicked off one of his college golf teams. He alienated most of his teammates and was suspended from another. He's a cocky, hotheaded, not terribly agreeable person, and he doesn't really give a damn what any of you think about that.

"Any of you" includes his parents, who live not far from Augusta National but watched their son win on TV Sunday because they're not welcome at his tournaments. How's that for a fairy tale?

Well, to hell with all that. And kudos to Reed, who gave us a Masters champion with warts and foibles, and maybe made the whole gauzy business a little more true to actual human life than it usually is. If he's more flawed than your usual Masters champion, he also was every bit as steely as any in the face of all that back-nine pressure.

Which is saying something for a guy who'd never led a major after 54 holes before.

So, yeah, salute him. He didn't give us the usual fairy tale. But in his own more-real-than-real way, he is a Cinderella of sorts.

If, you know, Cinderella had decided to shave her head, take up mixed martial arts and commence punching people in the head. Something like that.