Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Dance to the music

Bad news this day for fans of corporate football as bland as a boardroom table: The NFL has decided to loosen its tie.

A little. Kinda.

After years of fruitlessly trying to legislate every morsel of fun out of their game, Roger Goodell 'n' them have decided to (a little, kinda) party on, dudes. New rules have down from the great gray edifice that is the league office, rules that seem to indicate the owners (a little, kinda) understand that football is, hey, what do you know, a game, and not just a slick vehicle for lining their pockets.

And so the celebration rules are being eased. You can choreograph now. You can use the football as a prop. Heck, you and your buddies can celebrate together, if you like.

"OK, you can have fun now," Goodell and Co. seem to be saying.

And even if that sounds a bit like Judge Smails' out-of-touch wife trying to sound hip at the boat christening ("All right, children .. you can shake your booties on the dock"), at least they're making a semblance of an effort. Oh, twerking is still banned, and the throat slash, and the bow-and-arrow because it looks too weapon-y. But it will be interesting to see how the younger players in particular try to turn this particular inch into a mile.

JERRY JONES: Good, lord! What the heck are those guys doing!

A JERRY JONES MINION:  I believe they're pretending to fly in formation, sir.

JONES: Well, tell them to stop! It disrespects the troops!

(A bit later)

JONES: Now what are they doing?

MINION: I think they're rolling the football like dice, sir.

JONES: Good lord! Gambling? You know we don't allow gambling in our league! What will America think?

MINION: I don't know, sir. But ... well, we are playing the Las Vegas Raiders today.

And so on.       

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