And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature widely rumored to have collaborated with "a certain rotund individual of merry countenance" to bring "joy and wonder to the children of the worl-- Oh, forget it, no one's going to believe that:"
1. Hey, look! It's the Colts!
2. Starring in yet another production of "Where's This Team Been All Year?"
3. (Possible answers: Hiding in Andrew Luck's neck beard ... Christmas shopping ... Understood Roger Goodell to say "Hey, I've got an idea! Let's make everything until December 18 the preseason! Come on, guys, give it a try!")
4. Hey, look! It's the Chiefs!
5. Losing to the Titans in Arrowhead.
6. (Possible reactions: "Come on, no one believes that" ... "Sure, and next you're gonna tell me Marcus Mariotta won the Heisman Trophy" ... "Oh, and the Cubs won the World Series, yeah, right")
7. In other news, the Browns!
9. Ha. Got ya.
10. Next week's marquee matchup: Denver vs. Denver in Denver. Offense will be shirts; defense, skins.