Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Another fine mess

I'm changing the joke this morning, and not just because rednecks deserve some love, too. I'm changing it because if it ever fit anyone like a tailored suit, it fits New York sports mogul James Dolan.

You know the one about a redneck's last words? "Hey, y'all, watch this!"?

I think those are going to be Dolan's last words, too.

The latest in a series of men with more money than sense, he's already turned the Knicks into the NBA's most elaborate chalk outline. Now he's done it again. His latest genius move: Making Isiah Thomas president of the WNBA's New York Liberty, which unfortunately Dolan also owns.

Back up for a second and think about that.

It's ridiculous enough that Dolan has again handed the reins to a professional sports franchise to a man who has not only failed in that capacity before, he once destroyed an entire league in less than two years (the CBA, which had been around for 40 years). No, what raises the level of ridiculousness  to Hall of Fame levels is that it's the Liberty in particular he's putting at Thomas' disposal.

Yes, that's right. Isiah Thomas -- the man who once cost Dolan $11.6 million for sexually harassing a female Knicks executive -- now gets to run a women's basketball team.

Gee, how could that possibly not work?

It's so train-wreck-in-waiting absurd that on first glance I thought for sure it was a headline from the satirical publication The Onion. Why, you can almost see the fake quotes, can't you?

"Look, I'm not the sexist creep everyone says I am," Thomas said in his introductory news conference. "I love women. I do. I love everything about them. And I love the women's game. I especially love how, when they run up and down the floo--"

"Well, thanks, Isiah," Liberty owner James Dolan interrupted, nudging Thomas toward the door. "Sorry, folks, but Isiah's a busy man. He's got a million things to do, so we're gonna have to cut this short.  The chic-- um, I mean, our fine young ladies, will be reporting any day now."

Lord. Just more proof that it's true what people say these days about a nation gone mad -- a nation in which the Pentagon feels compelled to publicly reassure a bunch of Fruit Loops in Texas that Obama is not sending the Army to take over their state, and in which Isiah Thomas can be put in charge of a women's basketball team.

Satire is dead.

Reality killed it.  


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