Names and games

 The chairman of the Chicago Bears met the media yesterday and made the most obvious Chicago announcement ever, aside from declaring Walter Payton the greatest running back of all time, and none of that Jim Brown/Barry Sanders noise.

He announced the Chicago Bears would remain the Chicago Bears.

"We will be the Chicago Bears whether we're in Arlington (Heights, Illinois) or whether we're in Hammond," George H. McCaskey said.

Well, duh. As if anyone actually thought they'd be the Hammond Bears, or that anyone would ever call them that if they were.

(Of course, the McCaskeys could always completely befuddle everyone and revert to the Bears' original name, which was the Decatur Staleys. The Decatur Staleys! Put Caleb Williams in a leather helmet, install the single wing and break out the flying wedge. Beauty.)

Anyway, that the was the no-news portion of the program. The other portion is what McCaskey devoutly wishes was no news, which is that the Bears are still leaning toward an Indiana zip code.

"Our focus is on Hammond, that's where we're advancing our efforts and that's where the bulk of our time, attention and resources are being devoted," he said.

To which chronic skeptics like the Blob continue to say: Yeah, OK.

Because, listen, even after all this time -- and even after Indiana's governor, the spectacularly cotton-headed Mike Braun, promised the McCaskeys everything but Fort Wayne and Evansville as throw-ins on the deal -- stubborn suspicions remain. Chief among them is that all this public devotion to Hammond is just a ploy to crowbar more concessions from Illinois on the Arlington Heights site.

So far, admittedly, Illinois ain't playin'. McCaskey said Thursday the Bears had had minimal contact with state officials, leaving the impression the Arlington Heights option is deader than ... well, the Decatur Staleys. But then he tossed out that "whether we're in Arlington or whether we're in Hammond" line, leaving the impression the Illinois option may NOT be dead yet, whether it's feeling much better or not.*

(* -- Gratuitous "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" reference)

So on the speculation goes, at least for us skeptics. Maybe the Bears really will be playing in Hammond in an (ugh) roofed stadium. Maybe the McCaskeys will strike an 11th-hour deal with the Illinois contingent. Or maybe they'll relocate to, I don't know, Munich or someplace, and call themselves the Munich Fightin' Knockwursts.

The Fightin' Knockwursts! Now there's a name for you.