And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the astonishing Blob feature of which critics have said "I'm astonished you can be this silly week-in and week-out," and also "You're still doing this? I'm astonished!":
1. "Wait, the Bears won this game? That can't be right!" (Raiders fans, and probably Bears fans)
2. "Wait, our guys beat the Colts because AD Mitchell dropped the ball before crossing the goal line and a 53-yard Jonathan Taylor touchdown got called back because of a completely unnecessary hold? I'm astonished!" (A Rams fan)
3. "I'm not! I'm just pissed!" (A Colts fan. OK, so probably a bunch of Colts fans)
4. "Wait, this was a Monday night game? I thought you said TUESDAY!" (The astonished Bengals, who went missing in a 28-3 Monday night loss to the Broncos)
5. In other news, rookie quarterback Jaxson Dart and the Giants beat the Chargers; the Packers tied the Cowboys; Aaron Rodgers and the Steelers beat the Vikings in Dublin; and the Struggling Chiefs floor-waxed the Even More Struggling Ravens 37-20 as Patrick Mahomes finally emerged from seclusion.
6. "A tie? A freaking tie?" (astonished Packers and Cowboys fans)
7. "Wait, we got floor-waxed by the Struggling Chiefs?" (astonished Ravens fans)
8. "Yeah, but you're Struggling more!" (not-so-astonished Chiefs fans)
9. "Jaxson Dart? Wasn't he that one Ferengi in 'Star Trek The Next Generation?'" (astonished Chargers fans)
10. "Jaxson Dart? Greatest Giants QB since, I don't know, Joe Pisarcik, maybe!" (astonished-but-would-never-admit-it Giants fans)
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