And now the hardly-awaited return of The NFL In So Many Words, the fashion-forward Blob feature of which critics have said "I don't care what it wears, it needs to go away forever", and also "What the hell are you wearing?":
1. "What the hell are the Giants wearing?" (America, upon seeing the Giants bizarre throwbacks that looked like the Montreal Canadiens and Michigan Wolverines got drunk one night and conceived a child)
2. "Hey! They stole our the unis!" (The Montreal Canadiens)
3. "Hey! They stole our helmets!" (The Michigan Wolverines)
4. In other news ... GOOD LORD WHAT ARE THE BENGALS WEARING?
5. "Aieee! My eyes!" (Everyone watching the Bengals in their screaming head-to-toe orange threads)
6. "Aieee! My eyes!" (Everyone watching the Bengals lose at home to the Patriots)
7. "Woo-hoo! We're goin' to the Super Bowl!" (Patriots fans)
8. "Remember when we guaranteed Deshaun Watson $230 million and a $45 mill signing bonus? Yah, good times. Goooood times." (Cleveland Browns management, after Watson put up a 51.1 passer rating in a 33-17 loss to Dallas, then was hit with another sexual-assault suit)
9. "Hey, Brownies, it could be worse." (Giants, Carolina, Falcons, J-E-T-S Jets-Jets-Jets)
10. "I'm 40 years old and I'm playing for the Jets. Nobody has it worse than me." (Aaron Rodgers)
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