Sockless

 Checked in on the MLB standings this morning, and ye, gods, the White Sox, man. The Sox are Sockless. They are the Chicago Bare Feet. Choose your aphorism.

As of this morning, see, they are 15-42 and already 22 1/5 games out of first in the AL Central, with two days left in May. They've lost eight in a row and nine of their last 10. At their present rate of non-winning, they'll finish the season 45-117. 

Forty-five and 117. And 22 1/2 games out before June. I can't even.

I can't even imagine what it must be like in that clubhouse, realizing the season's already over and there are still four months left in it. I see depression. I see unanswered prayers to Jobu (H/T to "Major League") for a season-ending injury to end this torment. I see players desperately petitioning ownership and MLB commissioner Rob Manfred to please, please, just let them go home already.

I see that exchange going like this:

Sox players: Can we go home now? 

Manfred: No.

Players: But this is a mental health issue! I thought baseball cared about mental health issues!

Manfred: Mental health? The hell is that? MLB has no position on mental health. If we did, we never would have let the Cubs win a World Series and then go back to being the Cubs. Think what that must have done to the mental health of Cubs fans! Although it is kinda fun, torturing them like that.

 Players: Ah, screw those northsiders. What about us? What about the fact you let baseball's worst ump, Angel Hernandez, retire the other day even though it's still only May? In fact you called him in and pretty much INSISTED he retire, even though it's still only May!

Manfred: Well, that was different.

Players: Different, how? He sucked at his job; we suck at ours. He was an embarrassment to baseball; we're an embarrassment to baseball. Same thing.

Manfred: No. It's not. You guys can still see, at least.

(Pause as the players absorb this obvious truth)

Players: Well ... can you at least get rid of Reinsdorf, then? That guy is the WORST. OK, so, actually we're the worst, but he's right up there in the Worst League standings. Hell, at this point, we'll even take Nutting over there in Pittsburgh instead of Rein-o. And he sucks, too.

Manfred: Yeah, he does. But no.

(Long pause)

Players: You're so mean.

Manfred: Hey, at least I ain't Landis. Remember what he did to you?