And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the shockingly regular Blob feature of which critics have said "God, it's so shockingly regular!", and also "Come 'ere, so I can shock you on the regular with this cattle prod!":
1. "Wait, what? THIS ain't regular!" (The Packer, the Lions and the Bengals, shocked at home by the Panthers, the Vikings and the Bears)
2. "Ditto!" (The Panthers, Vikings and Bears)
3. "Double ditto!" (Bears quarterback Caleb Williams, who, a week after playing like the love child of Jack Concannon, played like the love child of Tom Brady in a 47-42 win in Cincinnati, completing 20-of-34 passes for 280 yards and three touchdowns, catching a pass for another score, and hitting tight end Colston Loveland down the middle for 58 yards and the game-winning six with 17 seconds to play)
4. "Well, if THIS ain't shockingly regular!" (Bengals fans, watching two tacklers bounce off Loveland on the way to the end zone.)
5. "Wait ... what?" (85-year-old Joe Flacco, who'd just thrown his fourth touchdown pass of the day with 54 seconds left to put the Bengals ahead)
6. In other shockingly regular news, the Dolphins were paved at home by the Ravens; the Super Bowl-bound Cowboys lost by 10 at home to freaking Jacoby Brissett and the freaking Cardinals; the Patriots beat the Falcons (again!); and Jaxson Joe Willie Dart, the King of New York, threw for two touchdowns, ran for another and racked up 247 total yards against the 49ers.
7. Who beat Jaxson Joe Willie and the Giants anyway, even though Mac Jones was playing quarterback for them. Because the Giants, of course.
8. "Of course!" (Giants fans)
9. "Hey, at least we didn't lose this week!" (Gloating Jets fans, whose team extended its lifetime unbeaten record in its bye week)
10. "What? The Jets are unbeaten in something?" (The rest of America, properly shocked)
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