And now a special Halloween edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the scaaarrry Blob feature of which critics have said "Don't open that door! The scaaarrry Blob feature's in there!", and also "Aieeeee!":
1. "Aieeeee!" (America, forced to watch the Bears poop all over their Sunday night)
2. "Don't turn on Sunday Night Football! The Bears are in there!" (Also America)
3. And as the wind moaned around the eaves and a full moon rode the night sky like a ghostly frigate from the bowels of Hell, the Jets and Giants rose from their ancient graves and ...
4. ... roamed the countryside on legs that had all but forgotten the mechanics of walking. Horrible to the sight with their rotting flesh, staring eyes and fleshless, clacking fingers, they moaned and gibbered with awful eagerness, beckoning the unsuspecting to watch them perform obscene abominations of the sacraments of football ...
5. ... until the unsuspecting cried out piteously and begged to be freed from their torment.
6. And, OK, so mainly they just said "What the (bleep) is THIS crap?"
7. Meanwhile, the Cowboys!
8. Lured the Rams into the Lair of Jerry and subjected them to all manner of vile torture, while America shuddered in revulsion at what they knew would come next ...
9. "Woo-hoo! Lookit us! We're GOIN' TO THE SUPER BOWL!" (Obnoxious Cowboy fans)
10. "Aieeee!" (America)
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