Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Quarterbacks, we got quarterbacks

It's a moment or two before the Madness begins, so I guess now is as good a time as any to revisit the NASH-unal FOOT-ball League, where you can't tell the quarterbacks without a scorecard and Aaron Rodgers continues to be weird and narcissistic.

Also, what are the Colts going to do?

But first the quarterbacks.

You got your Jimmy Garoppolo, who's a Vegas Raider now. You got your Sam Darnold, whom the 49ers just signed because Garoppolo left a spot open. And you got your Carolina Panthers, who got fleeced by the Chicago Bears so they could jump up to the No. 1 pick in the draft to get their own quarterback.

Will it be Bryce Young? Will it be Anthony Richardson? C.J. Stroud? Jon Moxon from Brown University?

 (OK, so it won't be him. I just threw his name in there to see if you were paying attention, and also to sneak in a gratuitous "Varsity Blues" reference.)

And what about Aaron Rodgers?

America's most gifted pass-throwing weirdo was at it again yesterday, sending out a brief emoji-laden tweet that didn't really say anything. The Blob's theory is that Aaron just wanted to make sure we were all still thinking about him. Supposedly he's about to fly off to New York to sign with the Jets, but, heck, he might just as easily wind up in Indianapolis with the Colts, the NFL's official Golden Years Retirement Community for senior quarterbacks looking to ease into their tapioca-and-Metamucil years.

And speaking of the Colts ...

Well, they're sitting tight with the No. 4 pick in the draft, which is currently being spun as economically shrewd because none of the quarterbacks available are worth mortgaging the future, such as it is. They're all worthless and weak, or something like that. 

Which to the Blob translates translates as "We'll just sit here and take Will 'Mitch Trubisky' Levis because it DOESN'T REALLY MATTER WHICH OF THESE BUMS WE TAKE."

Or ...

Or maybe they're saving their pennies to make a play for Lamar Jackson.

Said this the other day and then quickly added I was joking, because I didn't want to get laughed at. But apparently serious followers of the Colts are now floating this as a real possibility. 

I don't know if it is. I tend to think some of those "serious followers" are just throwing that out there to get interwhatsis hits. But, hey, Colts fans can dream, right?

Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers just tweeted he'll achieve total consciousness when he dies. Which is nice.

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