'Dog chow

 Went down to the alma mater last weekend to watch my Ball State Cardinals play the dog-ass Western Michigan Broncos, and like most geezer alums my reaction was "Where was all this s*** when I went here?"

Because, listen, Ball State football is big time now. Gleaming new football complex. Gorgeous new indoor practice facility. And next year, they play two SEC schools back-to-back, including a NATIONAL CHAMPION.

That would be 2021 CPF champ Georgia, who just added BSU to its schedule after it was forced to drop Oklahoma. The Cards play at Sanford Stadium next Sept. 9, after opening at Kentucky. And you know what this Ball State '77 grad thinks of that?

It's gonna be one hell of a slasher film.

Fountains of blood. Shrieks and moans and "Oh, God, please NO!" moments of sheer terror. Disemboweling and organ removal.

Hard "R" rating.

Look. I know I'm supposed to think this is a GREAT OPPORTUNITY and  TERRIFIC NATIONAL EXPOSURE, and all those other buzzwords the slaughter-ee trots out to justify the impending slaughter. But I've seen too much football in my life to fall for that. 

All I'm hoping is this doesn't turn into Day 1 at the Somme.*

(*Look it up)

And also that they bring enough stretchers with them. 

And also that, at some point, Kirby Smart has a sudden attack of compassion and starts sending in the student managers.

Because, listen, folks, it's not gonna be pretty. It would be different if the Cardinals would be coming to Athens off a nice warmup tilt with Bemidji State or someone. But they'll be coming off a game at rising SEC program Kentucky, who'll presumably road-grade them, too. 

This makes me a little angry, honestly. 

Sure, I'm smart enough to know Division I football costs money, and I know consequently schools the size of Ball State are always looking at potential revenue streams. And I'm sure the guarantee money they get to be a live sacrifice two weeks in a row will help greatly in that area. 

But I'm a hell of a lot more concerned with what it'll do to the players.

I hope they don't get beat up so badly they do what they did last weekend, which is blow a nine-point lead in the third quarter and lose to the dog-ass Broncos, 37-30, because their defense couldn't get off the field and their offense couldn't stay on it.

God willing, that won't happen next year. God willing, those first two games don't cost the Cardinals the rest of their season. Because you know what I'll think if they do, professional cynic that I am?

I'll think Ball State is a lot more interested in money than it is in winning conference titles.

I know. Revoke my diploma.