And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words -- a more juvenile version of children's Golden Books, and of which critics have said "Keep your children away! Far, far away!", and also "Crazed parents are banning 'Huck Finn,' but not THIS?":
1. "Juvenile? I'll show you JUVENILE!" (Bills offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey, throwing a tantrum worthy of a 3-year-old as time ran out in a 21-19 loss to the Dolphins)
2. "Butt punt? I'll show you a BUTT PUNT!" (Dolphins punter Thomas Morstead, after, yes, punting the football into the backside of one of his blockers)
3. "Horrible? I'll show you HORRIBLE!" (Bears quarterback Justin Fields, after completing 8-of-17 passes for 106 yards, with two interceptions, a pair of fumbles and a couple of throws that might have landed in Lake Michigan)
4. "Hey, but at least we won!" (Bears fans, after Chicago somehow still managed to beat the Texans 23-20)
5. "Great! Now even our wins feel like losses!" (Other Bears fans)
6. Meanwhile, Broncos 11, 49ers 10!
7. "Great! Now we ALL feel like losers!" (Everyone in America who watched)
8. "Ha!" (Homer Simpson, whom everyone in America could have been watching instead)
9. "Double ha!" (Ravens QB Lamar Jackson, who ran for 107 yards and a touchdown and threw for 218 yards and four more scores in a road win over the Patriots -- thereby proving once again that the gurus who said he'd never be an effective NFL quarterback have packing peanuts for brains)
10. "Oh, come on! What'd we do THIS time, God?" (Deflated New Yorkers, after a weekend in which the Jets lost, the Giants lost, and Aaron Judge failed to hit No. 61)
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