Babysitting Inc.

We used to pay our babysitters five bucks an hour, back in the day. That was good money15 or 20 years ago, when our kids were young and people didn't babysit to help feed their families the way they do now in our Billions For Bezos, No Soup For You economy.

I imagine the going rate is considerably higher now, in other words. Daryl Morey might want to take note.

Morey's the guy running the front office for the Philadelphia 76ers these days, and today he and the rest of the brass are supposed to have a sitdown with point guard/pouting infant Ben Simmons and his people. And no matter what center Joel Embiid said the other day about not having time to babysit someone, it sounds like Morey is prepared to do just that with Simmons.

"Buckle in," he said on local sports radio host Mike Missanelli's show yesterday. "This process could take four years."

Morey went on to say a bunch of stuff about how they're going to work really hard to bring Simmons back to the 76ers fold, or hold out for a trade for what he considers commensurate  value. Good luck with that, given that Simmons has done everything in his power to dissuade any team from offering more than spare parts for him.

Refusing to participate in a defensive drill Tuesday, compelling head coach Doc Rivers to kick him out of practice, was followed up by Simmons skipping out on an individual workout Thursday. This makes "spoiled child" the more accurate term for Simmons right now than "guy for which some team would trade an impact player."

But Morey has faith, God bless him. Even though, when he talks about re-integrating Simmons into the team dynamic, it sounds distressingly like babysitting to the Blob.

It also gets the Blob's notoriously bent imagination whirring when it considers how today's meeting might look ...

DARYL MOREY: Thank you, Ben, for agreeing to meet with us today. Here, have a chocolate croissant. We had them trucked in special just for you.

BEN SIMMONS: (Throws chocolate croissant on the floor)

MOREY: OK, so you don't like chocolate croissants. Anything else we can get you?

SIMMONS: (Crosses arms, glares silently)

MOREY: O-kay, then. What can we do to mend fences with you? Because we really do think you're an integral part of what we're trying to do here.

SIMMONS (still glaring): Coach Doc doesn't think so. He thinks I'm trash.

DOC RIVERS: That's not what I said, Ben! And for goodness sakes, it was FIVE MONTHS AGO!

SIMMONS: Don't care. You SAID it. And you never apologized!

RIVERS: (sighing heavily): OK. Fine. I apologize. I didn't mean it the way it sounded.

(A pause while Simmons glares some more)

SIMMONS: Now say it like you mean it.

RIVERS (throwing up hands): I mean it! I mean it! OK?

(More glaring from Simmons)

 SIMMONS: I don't know. That sounds pretty sarcastic if you ask me.

(Rivers swears, stands up, stomps out of the room muttering and shaking his head)

MOREY: Don't worry about that, Ben. I'll smooth things over with Coach. Now, is there anything else we can get you? How about one of these lovely cheesesteaks from Pat's?

SIMMONS: (Throws cheesesteak on the floor)

(Morey swears, stands up, stomps out of the room muttering and shaking his head)

Tune in tomorrow for our next episode, "Sixers Trade Ben Simmons For Three Packs Of Juicy Fruit And A Deck Of Uno Cards."