I don't know when the Euro Cup soccer tournament turned into the first two days of the NCAA Tournament. But I do know some brackets are already cinders.
(This, of course, assumes there is such a thing as Euro Cup brackets. I suspect there aren't. That seems like an American thing. And besides, who gets to be Loyola?)
(Oh, right. That would be Switzerland.)
Yes, that's right, boys and girls. Switzerland, the land of picturesque mountains, numbered bank accounts and two official languages, just pulled a Loyola on one of the tournament favorites. The Swiss knocked out France yesterday on penalty kicks, a huge, Sister Jean-like upset. This came a day after the Netherlands got Clockwork Orange-d by the Czech Republic -- perhaps an even bigger upset because the Czechs won 2-0, which is like 28-0 on the Adjusted American Football Scale
So, two days, two 12-over-5s or some other equivalent. They must have been hootin' and hollerin' in the Czech Republic and Switzerland -- the latter, of course, in a restrained, orderly Swiss fashion, in French in Lausanne and Geneva and Swiss German (which sounds only vaguely like German German) in Lucerne and Zurich.
This no doubt caused great consternation among the Dutch and French, who are probably even now burning their respective team managers in effigy. Or at least demanding they be fired after an appropriate display of abject shame and remorse.
Old-school fans in Amsterdam and Paris, meanwhile, are no doubt wagging their heads in the outdoor cafes over how little respect These Kids Today have for the old traditions, and how little pride in country.
"If only we still had Van Persie and Robben!" Crabby Netherlands Guy laments.
"If only we still had Zidane and Henry!" Crabby French Guy echoes.
And in America, meanwhile?
Some crabby Illinois basketball fan, still smarting over the March Madness loss to Loyola, is shaking his head knowingly.
"Welcome to my world," he's saying.
And then: "That damn nun."
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